175 Bad Jokes That You Can’t Help but Laugh At
Some bad jokes only deserve eye rolls and groans. But somehow, these manage to still be funny.
We had to start off this collection of bad jokes with one of the oldest knock-knock jokes in the book.
If you’re American when you go in the bathroom…
… and American when you come out, what are you in the bathroom?
European. Check out these daily life cartoons that will crack you up.
What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?
Sometimes the best bad jokes are the shortest. Check out these short jokes anyone can memorize.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh. Take a look at these funny tombstones that really exist.
What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?
A can’t opener! These funny work cartoons will help you get through the week.
What do you get when you combine a rhetorical question and a joke?
Get it? Bad jokes don’t even need a punch line to be funny! Check out the funniest jokes on the internet.
There are three types of people in the world:
Those who can count and those who can’t. Check out these 25 clever jokes that’ll make you sound smart.
Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?
He pasta-way. These hilarious animal cartoons prove that animals are funnier than humans.
Two muffins were sitting in an oven.
One turned to the other and said, “Wow, it’s pretty hot in here.” The other one shouted, “Wow, a talking muffin!” For more laughs, check out these travel cartoons that find the funny in everything.
I sold my vacuum the other day.
All it was doing was collecting dust. If this one has you smirking, these dad jokes will really give you a chuckle.
Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?
He won the “no-bell” prize.
Did you hear about the fire in the shoe factory?
10,000 soles were lost. The police said some heels started it.
Two windmills are standing on a wind farm.
One asks, “What’s your favorite type of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.” These are the funniest one-liners on the Internet.
Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella?
For drizzle. Here are more awful but funny dad jokes.
Did you hear the story about the claustrophobic astronaut?
He just needed some space.
A man and a giraffe walk into a bar.
After a few drinks, the giraffe falls over and dies. The man begins to walk out when the bartender stops him.
“Hey, you can’t leave that lyin’ there!” The bartender yells out.
The man turns around: “It’s not a lion. It’s a giraffe.”
Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it’d be a foot. Don’t miss these 20 grammar jokes every word nerd will appreciate.
What did the mime say to his audience?
Nothing. He held his character because he’s a professional. Check out these jokes that sum up the history of the world.
It’s inappropriate to make a “dad joke” if you are not a dad.
It’s a faux pa.
What’s green and has wheels?
Grass. I lied about the wheels. Here are 21 more anti-jokes you can’t help but laugh at.
What did Blackbeard say when he turned 80?
“Aye, matey.” Here are 21 scurvy pirate jokes ye should tell the rest o’ ye crew.
Did you know the first French fries weren’t actually cooked in France?
They were cooked in Greece. Now that’s a dad joke if we ever heard one. Here are more groan-worthy dad jokes you’ll still laugh at.
What’s the best part about living in Switzerland?
I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
Have you heard the rumor about butter?
Never mind, I shouldn’t be spreading it.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honey combs. Love animals? Check out these hilarious vet office signs that will make you LOL.
I submitted 10 puns to a joke-writing competition to see if any of them made the finals.
Sadly, no pun in ten did.
eBay is so useless.
I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches.
Wanna hear two short jokes and a long joke?
Joke, joke, jooooooooooooooke. We can all relate to these funny working from home cartoons right now.
What kind of shorts do clouds wear?
Thunderwear. You won’t want to miss these 20 hilarious science jokes.
Why do you never see pigs hiding in trees?
Because they’re pretty good at it.
You want to go down to the bar to hear that band called Duvet?
They’re a cover band.
Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them. Next time there’s an uncomfortable silence at work, try these work jokes that can diffuse any awkward situation.
Where does the sheep go to get a haircut?
The baa baa shop. You’ll definitely want to see the best jokes from your favorite comedians.
A man walks into a pet store and asks for a dozen bees. The clerk carefully counts 13 bees out onto the counter.
“That’s one too many!” says the customer. The clerk replies “It’s a freebie.”
Did you adopt your dog?
No, he’s my biological dog. Can’t get enough bad jokes? Don’t miss our favorite corny jokes everyone will laugh at.
I bought the newlyweds an elephant for their room.
They said, “Thank you.” I said, “Don’t mention it.”
What’s the leading cause of dry skin?
Towels. There are sarcastic jokes that harm, and witty jokes that heal. Guess which category this falls into?
What did the frustrated cat say?
Are you kitten me right meow? Cat hiss ridiculous.
I got fired from my job at the bank today.
An old lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
My wife just completed a 40-week bodybuilding program this morning.
It’s a girl and weighs 7 pounds, 12 ounces. Not to throw more numbers at you, but we have 50 jokes here for all 50 states.
What did The Rock say when the waiter offered him a box for his leftovers?
I’m not much of a boxer, but I’ll wrestle you for it.
Where do you take someone who’s been injured in a peek–a-boo accident?
To the I.C.U.
A person is walking down the street and hears a bunch of people in a fenced-in yard shouting, “19! 19! 19! 19!” Curious, he walks over and looks through a hole in the fence.
Someone from the other side pokes him in the eye and they all start shouting, “20! 20! 20!” Here are the best jokes from A-Z!
I went to a wedding where two satellite dishes got married.
The ceremony wasn’t great, but the reception was amazing.
Why can’t you explain puns to kleptomaniacs?
They always take things literally.
Why is Peter Pan always flying?
He neverlands. We love this joke because it never grows old.
To kill a French vampire, you need to drive a baguette through its heart.
Sounds easy but the process is painstaking.
A weasel walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Wow, I’ve never seen a weasel before. What can I get you?”
“Pop,” goes the weasel.
What do you call a Frenchman in sandals?
Phillipe Floppe. This is objectively funny, like these 9 jokes that are proven funny by research.
Why do fish live in saltwater?
Pepper makes them sneeze. Bless them. Don’t miss these 40 comedians reveal their favorite jokes ever!
Library patron: Do you sell any books on paranoia?
Librarian: They’re right behind you! If you’re more of a movie buff than reader, we’ve got the 15 funniest Oscar jokes for you right here.
I’m terrified of elevators...
…so I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them. You can also try asking Siri for a joke if you need one in a pinch. We rated virtual assistants’ senses of humor!
Why do cow-milking stools only have three legs?
The cow’s got the udder. Here are 25 Disney jokes that’ll get you a good laugh, for the moovie fans out there.
What’s the last thing that goes through a bug’s mind when it hits a windshield?
Its butt. Oop! Try these political jokes on for size at your next family holiday—they’re guaranteed to get you a laugh.
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?
“Robin, get in the car.”
I threw a boomerang a few years ago.
I now live in constant fear. Think you’re funnier than the president? We bet you are. Here are the funniest jokes told by 23 U.S. presidents.
I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him faster.
If anything, it made him more sluggish.
My friend gave me his Epi–Pen as he was dying.
It seemed very important to him that I have it.
When you look really closely...
…all mirrors look like eyeballs. Instant classic. History buffs, try some of these jokes!
Did you know Jesus drove a Honda but just didn’t talk about it?
John 12:49: “For I did not speak of my own accord.”
Two cows are grazing in a field. One says to the other, “You ever worry about that mad cow disease?”
The other cow says, “Why would I care? I’m a helicopter.”
What’s E.T. short for?
He’s only got little legs. Science lovers will science-love these physics jokes!
Two men meet on opposites sides of a river. One shouts to the other “I need you to help me to get to the other side!”
The other guy shouts, “You are on the other side!”
How do you get a squirrel to like you?
Act like a nut. Here are 15 witty bar jokes anyone can remember, for the next time you wanna go a little nuts yourself.
Which rock group has four guys who can’t sing or play instruments?
I bought a dog from a locksmith.
The second I got him in the house he made a bolt for the door.
Have you heard the one about the jump rope?
Never mind, skip it. Check out these 20 food jokes anyone will find funny.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote Linkin Park too much.
But in the end, it doesn’t even matter.
What kind of ghost has the best hearing?
The eeriest. If you laugh at these dark jokes, you’re probably a genius.
What do you call a row of rabbits hopping away?
A receding hare line. These 9 practical jokes will really make you stop and think.
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?
He couldn’t see himself doing it.
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?
There was nothing left but de Brie. Cheese is classic joke fodder. Here are 17 classic light bulb jokes that’ll make you sound smart.
Where does the general keep his armies?
In his sleevies. This joke is very cuties. Here are 9 secrets to telling a great joke, according to comedians.
What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?
Same middle name. Here are 15 simple (and silly) April Fool’s jokes to play on your kids.
What do you call someone with no body and no nose?
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