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85 Corny Jokes Everyone Will Laugh at to Celebrate National Tell a Joke Day

No kidding: You're going to love this cheesy collection of puns and one-liners—they're ideal for celebrating National Tell a Joke Day on August 16.

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ham sandwich
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A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer, bartender says “sorry, we don’t serve food here.” For even more laughs, check out the funniest jokes of all time that you’ll want to share with everyone you know.

2 / 85
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Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water? Because he was a little horse. It’s okay, we all laugh at bad jokes—they’re actually hilarious!

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fish without eyes
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What do you call a fish without eyes? Fsh. These are the 20 grammar corny jokes every word nerd will appreciate.

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alligator detective
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What do you call an alligator detective? An investi-gator. If you thought this was funny, you’ll love these other hilarious what do you call jokes.

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scarecrow award
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Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field. Find the funniest joke ever with these daily life jokes you’ll want to share.

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talking muffin
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There are two muffins baking in the oven. One muffin says to the other, “Phew, is it getting hot in here or is it just me?” The other muffin says, “AAAAHHH!! A TALKING MUFFIN!” Don’t forget to read these funny tweets for more laughs.

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soccer match
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What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match. Here are some short jokes for kids that anyone can remember—and they’re pretty funny!

8 / 85
broken pencil
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Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless. Don’t think that’s the funniest joke ever? These are the one-liners we know you’ll love.

9 / 85
bird flu swine flu
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What’s the difference between the bird flu and the swine flu? One requires tweetment and the other an oinkment. Here are more “what’s the difference between” jokes guaranteed to make you laugh.

10 / 85
athlete's foot
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If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do elves get? Mistle-toes. Thought that was good? These plant puns will knock your stalks off.

11 / 85
foul play
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After a crime, a detective noted that he thought it was foul play. The other detective said, “You mean, he was playing with birds?”

12 / 85
brown and sticky
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What’s brown and sticky? A stick. Need more laughs? These Laffy Taffy jokes will sweeten your day.

13 / 85
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What did the policeman say to his bellybutton? You’re under a vest.

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break a leg
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Why do people say “break a leg” when you go on stage? Because every play has a cast.

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15 / 85
karate pig
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What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop. Here are some pig puns that are sure to make you snort.

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ghost hearing
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What kind of ghost has the best hearing? The eeriest.

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cemetery gates
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Why are there gates around cemeteries? Because people are dying to get in.

18 / 85
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over a bay, they would be bagels.

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computers overheat
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When do computers overheat? When they need to vent.

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music planets
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What kind of music do planets like? Neptunes. Check out these biology jokes that really cell themselves.

21 / 85
chicken broth
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Where can you buy chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

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sticky hair
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Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs.

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rabbits travel
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How do rabbits travel? By hareplanes. Find the funniest joke for your Christmas party with these holiday jokes.

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vampire sick
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How do you tell if a vampire is sick? By how much he is coffin.

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cow two legs
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What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef! If your funny bone still needs tickling, here are the top jokes from comedy legends.

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fake spaghetti
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What do you call fake spaghetti? An im-pasta.

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yoga landlord
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What did the yoga instructor say when her landlord tried to evict her? Namaste.

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charging bull
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How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.

29 / 85
mushroom party
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Why did the mushroom go to the party? Because he was a fungi. Memorize these short corny jokes to be the hit at your next party.

30 / 85
farmer award
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Why did the farmer win an award? He was outstanding in his field.

31 / 85
birds stick together
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What do you call birds that stick together? Vel-crows.

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sea monsters eat
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What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships.

33 / 85
nose 12 inches
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Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot

34 / 85
ocean shore
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What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing…It just waved. These clever jokes will make you sound smart.

35 / 85
tomato race
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What did the tomato say to the other tomato during a race? Ketchup.

36 / 85
golfer pants
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Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.

37 / 85
factory good products
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What do you call a factory that sells good products? A satisfactory.

38 / 85
barber race
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How did the barber win the race? He knew a shortcut.

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cows like to read
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What do cows most like to read? Cattle-logs. Don’t forget to check out our other hilarious cow jokes!

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chicken coop
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Why does a chicken coop only have two doors? If it had four doors it would be called a chicken sedan.

41 / 85
sleeping dinosaur
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What do you call a sleeping dinosaur? A dino-snore. If you thought that was good, check out these other hilarious dinosaur jokes.

42 / 85
pile of cats
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What do you call a pile of cats? A meow-tain. These cat memes will make you laugh every time.

43 / 85
four wheels
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What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck.

44 / 85
poker jungle
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Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.

45 / 85
corduroy pillow
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Have you heard about the corduroy pillow? No? Really? It’s making headlines! These hilarious dog puns will give you paws.

46 / 85
drop a piano
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What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A flat minor.

47 / 85
duck lipstick
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How does a duck buy lipstick? She just puts it on her bill. Check out more duck jokes that’ll quack you up.

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frogs happy
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Why are frogs are so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.

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one hat
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What did one hat say to the other? You stay here. I’ll go on ahead.

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sick boat
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What do you do with a sick boat? Take it to the doc already. Check out the funniest jokes about all 50 states.

51 / 85
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Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.

52 / 85
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What runs but never goes anywhere? A refrigerator.

53 / 85
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What do horses say when they fall? Help, I’ve fallen and I can’t giddy up. You’ll laugh out loud at these other corny jokes about animals.

54 / 85
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An apple a day really can keep the doctor away … but only if you aim it well. Keep the laughs coming with these hilarious fruit puns.

55 / 85
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Why can’t you trust duck doctors? They’re all quacks. Memorize these other hilarious animal puns.

56 / 85
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Why did the robber jump in the shower? He wanted to make a clean getaway.

57 / 85
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What did the elevator say when it sneezed? I think I’m coming down with something.

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What do you call shoes made of banana peels? Slippers.

59 / 85
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Why did the bicycle collapse? It was two tired.

60 / 85
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What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.

61 / 85
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Why did the restaurant hire a pig? He was good at bacon.

62 / 85
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Did you hear about the man who got hit by the same bike every morning? It was a vicious cycle. Science takes on new meanings in these 16 hilarious physics jokes.

63 / 85
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Why did the poor man stock up on yeast? To make some dough.

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What does corn say when you give it a compliment? Aw shucks! Here are more of our favorite corny jokes.

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65 / 85
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Why were the fish’s grades so bad? It was below sea level. These are the 36 best math jokes every nerd will appreciate.

66 / 85
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Why wouldn’t the sesame seed leave the casino? He was on a roll.

67 / 85
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What kind of shoes do burglars wear? Sneakers.

68 / 85
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Why don’t melons get married? Because they cantaloupe. Try not to choke laughing at these food jokes to share at the table.

69 / 85
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Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up, just like these egg puns will crack you up.

70 / 85
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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

71 / 85
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Never buy anything with Velcro. It’s a total rip-off.

72 / 85
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Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it. Learn the secrets to telling a great joke.

73 / 85
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It was fine—he woke up. You won’t be able to help but laugh at these 21 anti-jokes that are so unfunny that they’re funny.

74 / 85
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What do lawyers wear to work? Lawsuits. Need more laughs? These work from home jokes will do the trick.

75 / 85
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When is a door not a door? When it’s ajar.

76 / 85
corny joke bar tender
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A termite walks into the bar and asks, ”Is the bar tender here?” 

77 / 85
corny joke doctor broken arm
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I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places.  He told me to stop going to those places.  

78 / 85
corny joke pizza oven
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What’s the best way to burn 1000 calories? Leave the pizza in the oven. 

79 / 85
corny joke irish wealthy
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Why are the Irish so wealthy? Because their capital is always Dublin. These puns will become your new favorite corny jokes.

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corny joke cat lives
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What has more lives than a cat? A frog, because it croaks every night. 

81 / 85
corny jones father in law
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What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer? A father-in-law. 

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corny joke meet expenses
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It’s not hard to meet expenses. They’re everywhere.

83 / 85
corny joke psychokinesis
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All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my right hand. 

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corny joke parsley farmer
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If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? 

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corny joke step ladder
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This is my step ladder. I never knew my real ladder.  If you love these corny jokes, try some of these cartoons about family life that will make yours seem less crazy. 

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Julia K. Porter
Dr. Julia Porter has worked in Higher Education since 2008, following a career as a High School teacher in Brooklyn, NY. She holds a PhD in Global Leadership from Indiana Tech, an MA in English Literature from Brooklyn College, and a BS in English Education from Indiana University-Purdue University-Indianapolis (IUPUI). She lives in Indiana with her husband, daughter, and rambunctious Australian Shepherd.