Christmas Jokes

Ho-ho-ho with our collection of funny Christmas jokes.

Keep calm and be merry! Make every day feel like Christmas with our collection of Christmas jokes for kids and adults, corny Christmas jokes, Santa jokes and Christmas knock-knock jokes .

Music for Elves

Q: What kind of Christmas music do elves like? A: “Wrap” music

Sleigh Ride Through the Rain

Q: How can Santa deliver presents during a thunderstorm? A: His sleigh is flown by raindeer

That’s One Fit Snowman

Q: What do you call a snowman with a six pack? A: An abdominal snowman

Commuting snowmen

Q: How does a snowman get to work? A: By icicle

Snow Kids

Q: What do snowmen call their offspring? A: Chill-dren

Merry Measure

Q. What's St. Nicholas's favorite measurement in the metric system? A. The Santameter! By Briana, age 7

Berry Ambitious

Q. Where do Christmas plants go when they want to become movie stars? A. Holly-wood!

Celestial Greeting

Q. How do Christmas angels greet each other? A. "Halo!"

Ho Ho Ow

Q. What's red and white and falls down chimneys? A. Santa Klutz!

Oh Deer

Q. Which of Santa's reindeer has the worst manners? A. RUDE-olph, of course!

Polar Opposites

People act like the North Pole and the South Pole are exactly the same, but really, there's a whole world of difference between them.

Fa La La La La…

Q. What did the peanut butter say to the grape on Christmas? A. "'Tis the season to be jelly!"

“Shear” the Spirit

Q. What's a sheep's favorite Christmas song? A. "Fleece Navidad"!

Festive Sheep

Q. What do sheep say to shepherds at Christmastime? A. "Season's bleatings!"

Pringle Bells

Q. What's Santa Claus's favorite type of potato chip? A. Crisp Pringles!

Snow-Off

Q. What's Jack Frost's favorite part of the school day? A. Snow and tell. By Joshua S., Lafayette, Ind.

They Love It Deerly

Q. Why do Dasher and Dancer love coffee? A. Because they're Santa's star bucks!

Good Night Gingy

Q. What does the Gingerbread Man use to make his bed? A. Cookie sheets!

Don’t Forget the *Bow* and Arrow

Q. What do you call an outlaw who steals gift wrapping from the rich to give to the poor? A. Ribbon Hood.

Techie Christmas

Q. What do you get if you cross a Christmas tree with an iPad? A. A pineapple! By Zoey Y., Flower Mound, Tex.

Merry Xmas

Q. How is the alphabet different on Christmas from every other day? A. There's Noel!

Sporty Santa

Q. What's Santa Claus's favorite track & field event? A. North Pole-vaulting!

Scrooge’s Favorite Pet

Q: Why did Scrooge keep a pet lamb? A: Because it would say, “Baaaaahh humbug!”

Christmas Reads

Q: What are the best books to read during the holidays? A: The Lord of the Five Golden Rings No Country for Old Menorahs For Whom the Jingle Bells Toll Harry...

Reindeer Spotting

Q: Where do you find reindeer? A: It depends on where you leave them!

Christmas Tree Songs

Q: Who is a Christmas tree's favorite singer? A: Spruce Springsteen

Santa Snacks

Q: What’s Santa’s favorite snack food? A: Crisp Pringles.  

Christmas Alphabet

Q: How is the alphabet different on Christmas than any other day? A: On Christmas, it has Noel.

Bad Grades for Rudolph

Q: "Why didn't Rudolph get a good report card?" A: "Because he went down in History."

Elf Birthday

Q: What Do You Sing At An Elf's Birthday Party? A: Freeze A Jolly Good Fellow!

Elf Cars

Q: What cars do elves drive? A: A toyYoda.  

Scrooge Touchdown

Q: How did Scrooge win the football game? A: The ghost of Christmas passed

Santa’s Helpers

Q: What do you call Santa’s helpers? A: Subordinate Clauses.

Santa Speak

Q: What is Santa’s primary language? A: North Polish.

Reindeer Jokes

Q: What do reindeer say before they tell a joke? A: This will sleigh you

Christmas Wedding

Q: Why did they couple get hitched on the 24 of December? A: So they could have a married Christmas

Car Jack

Q: How do you lift a frozen car? A: With a Jack Frost

Poor Holiday

Q: Which holiday mascot has the least spare change? A: St. Nickel-less

Lottery Winner

Q: What would you call an elf who just has won the lottery? A: Welfy

Addicted to Christmas

Q: How did the ornament get addicted to Christmas? A; He was hooked on trees his whole life

Christmas Lights

Q: How can you tell a family doesn't celebrate Christmas? A: The lights are on, but nobody's a gnome.

Rude Reindeer

Q: What do you call an obnoxious reindeer? A: RUDEolph.

Past Christmas’

Q: Why are Christmas trees so fond of the past? A: Because the present's beneath them.

Singing Elf

Q: What do you call an elf who sings? A: A wrapper!

Non-Believer

Q: What do you call a kid who doesn't believe in Santa? A: A rebel without a Claus.

Santa’s in Debt

Q: What do you call a bankrupt Santa? A: Saint Nickel-less.

Christmas Cut

Q: Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber? A: It needed to be trimmed.

Jingle, Rinse, and Spin

Q: What is Santa Claus' laundry detergent of choice? A: Yule-Tide.  

Holiday Half Bath

Q: How does Santa keep his bathroom tiles immaculate? A: He uses Comet.  

Santa Is A Punk Rocker

Q: What's Santa's favorite song by the Ramones? A: Blitzen-krieg Bop.  

Soul Santa

Q: Why does St. Nick like the Temptations’ version of Silent Night best? A: Because Santa Was A Rolling Stone.  

One Day at a Time

While our great-granddaughters were getting ready for bed on Christmas Eve, Molly had a loose tooth that she wanted to pull. Addison said, “Don’t you dare pull that tooth out...

Kung Fu Santa

Did you hear that Santa knows karate? He has a black belt.

His Favorite Song is “Blue Christmas”

Q: Who is Santa's favorite singer? A: Elf-is Presley.

Maybe Even a Standing O-Ho-Ho

Q: What do the elves call it when Father Christmas claps his hands at the end of a play? A: Santapplause!

Class With Claus

Q: What do you say to Santa when he's taking attendance at school? A: Present.

Can Plants Even Grow at the North Pole…?

Q: Why does Santa have 3 gardens? A: So he can ho-ho-ho.

Elf Therapy

Q: Why was Santa’s little helper feeling depressed? A: Because he had low elf esteem.

What About Ho-Ho-Home Insurance?

Q:What do you call Kris Kringle when he goes on his wife’s health insurance? A: A dependent Claus. By Sam Benson Smith

Santa on the Brain

Christmas: The time when everyone gets Santamental.

Santa Goes Shopping

Q: Why did Santa bring 22 reindeer to Walmart? A: Because what he wanted to buy cost around 20 bucks, but just in case it was more, he brought some extra doe.

When the Sleigh’s in the Shop

Q: What kind of bike does Santa Claus ride? A: A Holly Davidson.

Santa the Sleuth

Q: What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective? A: Santa Clues!

Santa’s True Citizenship

Q: What nationality is Santa Claus? A: North Polish

Santa Hits the Shore

Q: When Santa is on the beach what do the elves call him? A: Sandy Claus

Now We Know

Q: Why does Santa go down the chimney? A: Because it soots him!

That’s Gonna Leave a Mark

Q: What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when a fire is lit? A: Crisp Kringle.

Claus’s Canine

Q: What’s Santa’s dog’s name? A: Santa Paws!

Body Double

Q: What’s as big as Santa but weighs nothing? A: Santa’s shadow!

Time Flies When You’re Having Fun

Q: Why did Santa put a clock in his sleigh? A: Because he wanted to see time fly!

Good Luck Getting Grumpy to Make Toys

Q: Why does Santa have elves in his workshop? A: Because the Seven Dwarfs were busy!

Cloudy With a Chance Of Reindeer

Q: What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa Claus when she looked up in the sky? A: Looks like rain, dear!

Santa the Martial Artist

Q: How do you know Santa Claus is good at karate? A: He has a black belt!