70 Dad Jokes That Are Actually Pretty Funny

They say a joke becomes a dad joke when it becomes apparent. We would say it's when it's all groan. Sorry.

Ah Dad jokes, the pun-filled quips that make every child’s eyes roll, every father’s heart fill with pride and accomplishment, and—now that parents have made their way onto Twitter—the subject of many a tweet. No matter how bad they are, these dad jokes always manage to get at least a chuckle out of us. Maybe deep down we actually think they’re funny, or maybe we just love to see our dads smile because they made us laugh. Whatever the reason, we present some of the best dad jokes the Internet can offer.

1. Dad jokes for the nature-loving dads

  • Why don’t crabs give to charity? Because they’re shellfish.—@DaddyPoppinsBlg
  • Why did the man name his dogs Rolex and Timex? Because they were watch dogs.— @DavidFrischling
  • Dad: You know, birds might use Facebook. Us: ? Dad: Because we know they already tweet so… —@LawkwardLady
  • What’s the best way to watch a fly-fishing tournament? Live stream.—@Drew_Davis86
  • My wife asked me to sync her phone, so I threw it into the ocean. I don’t know why she’s mad at me.—@chilladam
  • How do you tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile? You will see one later and one in a while.—@TerriIrwin
  • What do you call a dog that can do magic? A Labracabrador.—@Stu_Adams
  • Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it.— @Brian_Castner
  • What do you call 50 pigs and 50 deer? 100 sows and bucks.—@NotJoeCreighton
  • A man walks into an apiary and asks the beekeeper for a dozen bees. To which the beekeeper replies, “Sure, and I’ll throw in the 13th as a freebie…”—@WPeterRay
  • What’s brown and sticky? A stick. —@jeffgirod
  • What do you call a fish with no eye? A fsh. —@MikeMilford
  • Police arrested a bottle of water because it was wanted in three different states: Solid, liquid, and gas. —@Debemusic

Think these jokes are funny? Try some of these corny jokes while you’re at it.

2. Dad jokes for the foodie dads

  • I got hit in the head with a can of Diet Coke today. Don’t worry, I’m not hurt. It was a soft drink. —@SydCollado
  • Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe.—@CandCGeekcast
  • At O&B with Dad. Hostess: Do you have reservations? Dad: No, I’m confident I want to eat here.—@EssaiSam
  • A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”—@MrDunigan22
  • Cooking out this weekend? Don’t forget the pickle. It’s kind of a big dill. —@AdoptADad
  • Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were served warm, it would be justwater. —@BSnapz2019
  • What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot. —@harkirat_k96
  • A steak pun is a rare medium done well. —@RandomjokesIO
  • In a freak accident today, a photographer was killed when a huge lump of cheddar landed on him. To be fair, the people who were being photographed did try to warn him. —@DadDancing123
  • Why did the raisin go out with the prune? Because he couldn’t find a date. —blackbeltx21

You’ll love some of these other funniest jokes on the Internet, too.

3. Dad jokes for the groan-worthy dads

Portrait of a excited man celebrating his successuniquely india/Getty Images

  • Do I enjoy making courthouse puns? Guilty.—@baddadjokes
  • I want to go on record that I support farming. As a matter of fact, you could call me protractor.—@First_Jimothy
  • Can February March? No, but April May. —@BeardedMOGuy
  • Not sure if you have noticed, but I love bad puns. That’s just how eye roll. —@First_Jimothy
  • The rotation of earth really makes my day. —@RodWhitlock
  • My kid wants to invent a pencil with an eraser on each end, but I just don’t see the point. —@hermit_hacker
  • The difference between a numerator and a denominator is a short line. Only a fraction of people will understand it.—@storyofericnjoe
  • My friend keeps saying “Cheer up man, it could be worse. You could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.” I know he means well. —@storyofericnjoe
  • I remember as a kid, my dad got fired from his job as a road worker for theft. I refused to believe he could do such a thing, but when I got home, the signs were all there. —@adampacitti
  • I had a table last night whose bill came out to exactly $420. I was running around showing it to all my coworkers, asking them, “Does this bill seem a bit high?” This is why your bill took so long to reach the table. —@VicedRhino
  • How do you steal a coat? You jacket. —@BadBritishJokes
  • Today, my son asked, “Can I have a bookmark?” I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian. —@iamstphn
  • My wife is really mad that I have no sense of direction. I packed up my stuff and right.— @jestjokes
  • If you see a robbery at an Apple Store does that make you an iWitness? —@TheGoogleFactz
  • What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two… —@ThePunnyWorld
  • What’s a bad wizard’s favorite computer program? Spell-check. —@harrywhoover
  • A friend of mine doesn’t pay his exorcist. He got repossessed. —@petershankman
  • Why do pumpkins sit on porches? They have no hands to knock on the door. —@GoodPumpkins
  • My friend wants to become an archaeologist, but I’m trying to put him off. I’m convinced his life will be in ruins. —GT_Rand0mBl0ke

Take a look at these thesaurus jokes grammar nerds will appreciate.

4. Dad jokes for the worldly dads

  • Niece: I have a lot of friends named Nathan, there’s Nathan…(endless droning about nicknames). Me: When they are together, do you call them The United Nathans? —@alfageek
  • Interesting fact of the day: In Sweden, all government-owned ships are required to have a UPC code printed on the hull. When the ships are returned to port, it helps them Scandinavian. —@KeithNHumphreys
  • I read that by law you must turn on your headlights when it’s raining in Sweden but how am I supposed to know when it is raining in Sweden? —@ibxtoycat
  • What’s the least spoken language in the world? Sign language. —@adampacitti
  • What do you call a hippie’s wife? Mississippi.— @drayzze
  • I searched for a lighter on Amazon, all I could find was 401 matches…—@Bill_Leasure

Don’t miss these short jokes anyone can remember.

5. Dad jokes for the pop culture-savvy dads

  • Did you hear that Arnold Schwarzenegger will be doing a movie about classical music? He’ll be Bach. —@chilladam
  • Chris Hemsworth is Australian, and Thor is from space, does that make him an Australien? —@imsorrytony

6. Dad jokes that actually made us giggle

Bearded British male laughing hystericallyJamie Garbutt/Getty Images

  • I was addicted to hokey pokey…but I turned myself around.—@RedShiningStar
  • We all know about Murphy’s Law: anything that can go wrong will go wrong. But have you heard of Cole’s Law? It’s thinly sliced cabbage. —@Dadsaysjokes
  • My friend gave birth in her car on the way to the hospital and her husband named the kid Carson and if you don’t think that’s the best dad joke ever get out of my face.— @eraserheadbabby
  • Approaching the seven-year anniversary of putting my stem cells in my dad’s bones and growing my bone marrow there thus killing his cancer and giving me years of “he’s a lesbian in his bones” jokes. —@mollypriddy
  • I begin to read a horror novel in Braille. Something bad is about to happen, I can feel it.—@Dadsaysjokes
  • What starts with an “O” and ends with “nions” and sometimes make you cry? Opinions. —@Dadsaysjokes
  • How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it. —@Diasu137
  • What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.—@Whateva691
  • When a woman is giving birth, she is literally kidding. —@SarcasmMother
  • You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine. —@AndySzmidt
  • What kind of exercises do lazy people do? Diddly squats. —@JennyBenick

7. And of course, the dad joke hall-of-fame classics

  • What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire. —@Dadstayedhome
  • I sold my vacuum cleaner; it was just gathering dust. —@DigitalMily
  • What do you call a man with no arms or legs in the middle of the ocean? Bob.— @GoodOldDadJokes
  • Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Son: No. What happened? Dad: The teacher woke him up. —@NorthernOvation
  • Son: Dad, I’m hungry. Dad: Hi hungry, I’m Dad.—@fatherlyhumor
  • Friend: Ok, when does a joke become a “dad joke?” Me, with no hesitation: When it becomes apparent.—@taddmike
  • What sound does a witch’s car make? Broom broom!—@thotpocket8
  • I don’t trust stairs. They are always up to something. —@therealmccaw

Loved these bad Dad jokes? Check out our funniest jokes of all time.