A Trusted Friend in a Complicated World

28 of the Cutest Mistakes that Kids Have Made

Hey, it can be tough figuring out this world we live in! These innocent goofs will give you the chuckle you needed today.

1 / 28

What’s in a name?

“My 4-year-old son calls all robbers ‘Roberts.’ It’s cute until he meets someone actually named Robert and then it’s hilarious. He’ll ask questions like, ‘Are all Roberts bad?’ ‘How did a Robert get in our house?’ ‘Are there any Roberts hiding in my room?’ Thankfully all our friends named Robert have a good sense of humor.” —Rebecca G., 35, Burnsville, Minnesota. 

2 / 28

Gold, frankincense, and…pepperoni

“Tyler loves to play with our nativity set at Christmas time. One night I was asking him who everyone was. I pointed to a wise man holding a package. ‘Who’s this?’ I asked. ‘The pizza guy,’ he replied. Makes sense—Mary and Joseph probably would have loved a pizza that night.” —Tracy P., 38, Lakeville, Minnesota

3 / 28

It’s an animal—and an STD

“My five-year-old daughter has always been super chatty with strangers. Most of the time it’s fine but one day we were waiting in line at the store after a long day of collecting crab shells at the beach. When we got to the front, she said loudly to the clerk, ‘Hi, I’m Audrey and this is my mom Shelli and she has crabs!’ Of course I wasn’t holding any crabs at that moment. I turned bright red as the whole line went dead silent.” —Shelli C., 44, Westminster, Colorado. 

4 / 28

Give me your poor, your tired, your confused pronouns…

“My two-year-old daughter was still figuring out when to use ‘you’ and when to use ‘me.’ So one day we were driving down the Las Vegas strip and she starts yelling, ‘Mama! I see a statch-me! A statch-me!’ We were so puzzled until we realized that she was looking at the mini Statue of Liberty at the New York Hotel. Get it? A statch-you!” —Amanda O., 31, Manchester, New Hampshire

5 / 28

76 trombones and 110 cornets really is a lot

“My two-year-old daughter’s favorite movie is Mary Poppins, and she loves to sing along to all the songs. One day we noticed she was actually singing the lyric as ‘your heart starts beating like a big ass band.’ I never corrected her because it made me giggle and she was two and had no idea what a ‘brass band’ was anyway so it was cute.” —Janette K., 37, Gainesville, Florida. These are 41 more ridiculous things people (and maybe even you) actually believed as kids!

6 / 28

Time for a career change?

“My three boys have always been fascinated by soldiers, and so one day when we saw a man in uniform at the mall they begged to go talk to him. I told them he was a veteran and they could go thank him for his service to our country. But my five-year-old got a little confused and loudly announced, ‘Hey thank you for being such a great veterinarian!” The soldier took it well and told him he too loved dogs… and kids.” —Jason A., 41, Seattle, Washington

7 / 28

They are both big, gray, and owned by our overlords

“My three-year-old misunderstood skyscrapers and instead calls the tall buildings downtown ‘skywalkers.’ We had recently watched Star Wars, and it’s so cute we just let her think it.” —Robyn S., 31, Minneapolis, Minnesota. Don’t miss these hilarious but true parenting tweets that are totally relatable!

8 / 28

That’s one way to take your medicine, we guess

“We were driving in the car when my nine-year-old son suddenly started screaming, ‘It burns! It burns!’ We frantically tried to figure out what was hurting him when he blew something out of his nose. I picked it up. My son had stuck a mint cough drop up his nose because it was for congestion and he thought it would clear up his nasal stuffiness! I almost peed my pants laughing as I tried to explain that that’s not how it works.” —Angela W., 40, Angie, Maryland

9 / 28

Zoos are very educational!

“I took my four- and two-year-old on a trip to the zoo. When we got to the pen featuring wild boars my older son exclaimed excitedly, ‘Oh look that one is giving his friend a piggyback ride!’ I followed his gaze to see the animals not playing ‘piggyback’ but doing, well, what animals do. I was ready to shrug it off and continue but then a nearby zookeeper said, ‘Actually that’s how they make babies.’ My son looked at her, then looked at me, then looked at his little brother and then back at me again before yelling, ‘Is that what you and daddy did to get Charlie?’ I died.” —Jess M., 32, Aurora, Colorado

10 / 28

To be fair, Mommy does love Miami

“As we drove across the overpass each day, I would point out the different directions to my kids, explaining ‘That way takes you to Daddy’s shop,’ ‘This way takes you to the store,’ and ‘The other way goes to Miami.’ A few days later we were in the car and my son pointed at one of the off-ramps and proudly said, ‘That way goes to mommy’s-ami!'” —Collette B., 57, Melbourne, Florida

11 / 28

That’s the right attitude

“My third grader recently came home and told me, ‘I made a new friend today. He has optimism.’ He meant that his new friend has autism but I loved it so much we still refer to it as optimism at our house.” —Deb B., 46, Lakeville, Minnesota. 

12 / 28

Siri, translate channel 4

“Our four-year-old was watching a show where they were speaking French, and she asked us, ‘What channel are they speaking?’ Ah, the TV generation!” —Jenny S., 36, Midway, British Columbia

13 / 28

Pronouns are such meanies!

“We were trying to teach our young daughter to use her words to talk about her feelings when she was upset. But we quickly discovered that what we said wasn’t exactly what she’d heard. Whenever she’d get upset she’d yell, ‘Your feelings hurt me!’ She’s not totally wrong.” —Garry S., 60, Nova Scotia

14 / 28

Totally freaked off

“When my son was three, he ran and hid after a very loud muscle car drove by. When we asked him what was wrong he answered, ‘That really freaks me off!’ instead of ‘freaks me out.’ It was so funny we still use his version of the phrase in our home.” —Taylor J., 36, Chapel Hill, North Carolina

15 / 28

There be giants among us

“I was standing in line with my three-year-old daughter when she noticed the very big man standing behind us. He was perhaps 6′ 7″ and about 400 pounds. She turned around from pushing her little kid cart, looked up and said thoughtfully ‘Oh, a giant.’ Then she calmly went back to her shopping cart as if it was the most normal thing in the world. I couldn’t stop laughing.” —Quish T., 41, Big Lake, Wisconsin. Make sure you read these 18 true stories about funny parenting moments that will make you say, “I’ve been there!”  

16 / 28

Love is a lost limb

“When our son was five he declared one day that when he grew up he was going to have his leg cut off. ‘Why?’ I gasped. ‘So I can work at IHOP,’ he replied calmly. He really really loved IHOP.” —Becky W., 35, Edmonds, Washington

17 / 28

That is the opposite of delicious

“Our oldest daughter Jayne, five years old, was so excited to get a cappuccino at the coffee shop and she was determined to order it herself. So she marched up to the counter and boldly said ‘I’ll take a tall crappacino!’ The whole line burst out laughing.” —Heather I., 49, Royal Palm Beach, Florida

18 / 28

What’s it say on the tag?

“Just before Thanksgiving my six-year-old came home from school and said, ‘My teacher said Indians are actually made-in-Americans.’ It took me a minute to realize he meant ‘Native Americans’ but then it registered how right he was. Why yes they are!” —Deb B., 46, Lakeville, Minnesota

19 / 28

Mommy’s favorite store is…

“My four-year-old daughter always wanted to help me ‘pay bills,’ as I recorded receipts from my check card and wrote checks. One day her grandparents asked me, ‘Why does Fiona call Target ‘bills’?’ It took me a minute but then I realized that because I shop at Target so often, every time we sat down to ‘pay bills’ I had a pile of Target receipts. Hence paying ‘bills’ meant paying ‘Target.’ She’s a smart one!” —Tina H., 46, Shorewood, Wisconsin

20 / 28

And now for your anatomy lesson

“My mom was babysitting my three-year-old when he walked in on her as she was getting dressed. She’s a very well endowed woman, a fact he noticed right away as he commented, ‘You feed babies? You feed lots of babies!'” —Shannon H., 40, Minneapolis, Minnesota. These 10 cute back-to-school photos are relatable on every level for anyone who parents a child.

21 / 28

A snack and salvation

“My son saw a picture of baby Jesus in the manger and proudly announced, ‘It’s the baby cheez-its!’ Wishful thinking or just creative hearing?” —Robyn S., 31, Minneapolis, Minnesota

22 / 28

It’s naked time!

“When my son was two, his favorite song was ‘Naked Eyes’ by Luscious Jackson. It was fine until he loudly asked for me to play the Naked song at school. The looks I got were horrible!” —Angela W., 40, Angie, Maryland

23 / 28

Syllables are tricky

“My oldest has a long history of mispronouncing words. He’s always been a prolific reader but when he tries to use words he’s read in books they often come out wrong. For example, he recently pronounced biased as ‘bi-assed’. To which I responded, ‘do you mean he had two butts?’ I couldn’t help myself!” —Tamara G., 45, British Columbia

24 / 28

That’s a new recipe

“When my oldest daughter was in kindergarten they learned the song ‘We wish you a Merry Christmas,’ and her favorite line to sing was ‘Oh, bring us some piggy pudding!’ We let her sing it that way for years because it was so cute. She was in high school when she finally learned it was ‘figgy pudding’ and was so mad hadn’t told her. So now every year the whole family sings piggy pudding just for her.” —Francis P., 66, Bunker Hill, Illinois.

25 / 28

It’s amazing all right

“One night at dinner were we having a discussion and one of my kids kept talking about the ‘Amazin’ river.’ He was a little older so I was confused about what he meant. Then I figured out he’d probably read something about the Amazon but had never heard it pronounced! I said, ‘Oh you mean the Amazon river?’ He answered, ‘Yeah, that one!’ And hey, it is pretty amazing!” —Toby D., 50, Nashville, Tennessee

26 / 28

We’re all brothers, really

“When my two-year-old saw a man with long brown hair and a long beard, his eyes grew big and round and he shouted “That’s Jesus!” over and over, despite my desperate (but discreet) attempts to quiet him. I finally just told him, ‘No, that’s his brother,’ and strangely that was enough to get him to settle down.” —Melissa S., 36, Marysville, Washington

27 / 28

Dream big

“When we went to our kindergarten daughter’s parent-teacher conference we weren’t too surprised to hear she’d been talking too much during class as she’d always been chatty. The teacher said the talking and arguing back was something she needed to work on. Then the teacher joked, ‘Unless you’re planning on being an attorney when you grow up.’ Our daughter interrupted at this point to say, ‘Hold up. Attorneys get paid to argue? Done!’ That was a bit of a surprise ending!” —Joshua Carstens, 36, Atlanta, Georgia

28 / 28

It’s a marshmallow world in the winter

“Looking out the car window at the piles of brown-crusted snow melting along the roadside, my four-year-old son asked, ‘Did the sun get too close again mommy?’ When I asked him what he was talking about he explained, ‘When the sun comes out, the top of the snow turns all brown, like when I roast a marshmallow in a fire.’ Which actually makes a lot of sense, frankly.” —Marie H., 30, Madison, Wisconsin. Make sure you know which blatant lies your parents told you that were debunked by science.

Charlotte Hilton Andersen
Charlotte Hilton Andersen is a health, lifestyle and fitness expert and teacher. She covers all things wellness for Reader’s Digest and The Healthy. With dual masters degrees in information technology and education, she has been a journalist for 17 years and is the author of The Great Fitness Experiment. She lives in Denver with her husband, five kids and three pets.