A Trusted Friend in a Complicated World

20 One Liners Only Dog Owners Will Understand

Every dog has its day—and that's basically every day if you're a dog owner!

Funny Andalusian ratonero dog on yellow background
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Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. —Ann Landers

The famous advice columnist for the Chicago Sun-Times offers sage wisdom on the unconditional love you’ll get from your dog. You know how your pooch will get you with those puppy dog eyes. If you want those heartstrings pulled a bit more, check out the cutest mixed breed dogs you will absolutely want to bring home.

Dalmatian dog portrait on an orange background

Yesterday I was a dog. Today I’m a dog. Tomorrow I’ll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There’s so little hope for advancement. —Snoopy, as written by Charles Schulz

If you’ve got a soft spot for dog jokes, Snoopy’s always good for a laugh. The adorable Peanuts comic strip was published in 1958 and perfectly captures a dog’s life. Here are 10 more quotes from Peanuts to keep you optimistic.

cute golden retriever dog smiling on blue background
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When a dog runs at you, whistle for him. —Henry David Thoreau

Instead of fearing a thing; embrace it. The original outdoorsman, Thoreau, wrote this poetic line in a journal dated 1840. It demonstrates a beautiful optimism that’s expressed by trust in the faithfulness of dogs. Presumably, Thoreau was never bitten by a dog using this little trick! Love dog noses? Check out these long-nose dogs that you’ll absolutely love.

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Who knew that dog saliva can mend a broken heart. —Jennifer Neal

What’s a little drool when you’re feeling down? Dog jokes can always make you feel good; even better if your sweet pooch is near.

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A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down. —Robert Benchley

Humorist Robert Benchley was famous for witty asides in his articles for Vanity Fair and the New Yorker in the 1920s and 1930s, when he was considered one of the funniest writers in America.

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If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. —Mark Twain

Here’s Mark Twain with the pithy observation about human nature for you! Why do dogs so often have a better reputation than people? Face it, your dog would give a superhero a run for his money. Check out these 11 superpowers dogs have that prove they’re cooler than the average human.

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We could have bought a small yacht with what we spent on our dog and all the things he destroyed. Then again, how many yachts wait by the door all day for your return?—Josh Grogan

Author Grogan’s bestselling book Marley & Me has a subtitle that says it all: Life and Love with the World’s Worst Dog. Think your pup is a rascal? Marley’s the worst, most destructive, yet simultaneously cutest dog ever. Owen Wilson and Jennifer Aniston star as the incorrigible dog’s owners in the hit movie adaptation. For even more cuteness, don’t miss these dogs with pointy ears that are just precious.

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Any man who does not like dogs and wants them about does not deserve to be in the White House. —Calvin Coolidge

Everyone gets a little suspicious of people who don’t like dogs. Be the type of person who inspires tail wags instead of growls. You can tell a lot by the sounds a dog makes. He could be in a playful mood, or it could mean danger.

Portrait of a blond labrador retriever dog looking at the camera with mouth open seen from the front on a pink background

Dogs are better than human beings because they know but do not tell. —Emily Dickinson

All your secrets are safe with a dog. You’re practically guaranteed your pooch will not spill the beans, though they may spill the flower pot… and everything else. Especially if they’re one of the energetic breeds. (Which is most of them, right?) Discover why dogs spin around like a whirling dervish before they poop.

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Dogs are our link to paradise. They don’t know evil or jealousy or discontent. —Milan Kundera

They don’t call them a human’s best friend for nothing. A dog can make your day. But what are they really thinking, if only they could speak? Don’t miss these 30 things your dog wishes you knew.

Beautiful Dalmation Dog on Colored Background
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Dogs are wise. They crawl away into a quiet corner and lick their wounds and do not rejoin the world until they are whole once more. —Agatha Christie

The great mystery writer Agatha Christie, who wrote over 70 books had a soft spot for doggos. Who here doesn’t? Dogs are more than just faithful companions. Check out these 12 stories about the bravest dogs in history.

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To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs. —Aldous Huxley

Ideally, you have one of those dogs who follows your directions—or at least tries! Here are 7 secrets on how to become every dog’s favorite human.

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Dogs never bite me—just humans. —Marilyn Monroe

In his book Music for Chameleons, in a chapter titled “A Beautiful Child,” Truman Capote documented his conversation with the famous actress, as the two tooled around Manhattan. Monroe said this quotable line as she approached a chow on the street and its owner warned her to be careful. The quote captures the screen legend’s vulnerability, as well as the friendliness she saw in dogs. Check out these paw-some dog quotes to celebrate your furry friend!

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Dogs make ideal pets. If you’re looking for a new puppy to bring into the family, don’t miss the 18 best dog breeds for kids.

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You’ve seen that adorable look and those puppy dog eyes? But sometimes the way your dog gazes at you seems so sympathetic, it’s almost human. Here’s the real reason behind why dogs tilt their heads.

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Why did the dog cross the road? Your funny bone was on the other side? If you’re digging dog humor, these dog jokes will have you barking with laughter.

Australian Shepherd Dog in Studio on Yellow Background
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Your dog loves you! Probably. Or are you driving your pet pooch crazy? Here are the 19 things your dog actually wants from you.

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Is your dog acting funnier than usual? There may be a good reason. Check out these 13 examples of weird dog behavior and the science behind it.

Husky Dog Isolated on Colored Background
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If you can’t get enough dog jokes, here are 30 super funny dog photos you need to see right now.

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Dog jokes make everything better. Here are 15 dog cartoons to get your tail wagging.

Portrait of a blond labrador retriever dog looking at the camera with mouth open seen from the front on a blue turquoise background

If you want the kind of dog jokes to make you howl with laughter, check out these dog puns and dog memes. Beware of groans!

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Originally Published in Reader's Digest