57 Dog Jokes That Will Leave You Laughing—and Begging for More
Updated: Apr. 23, 2024
We had a few jokes about unemployed dogs, but none of them worked. These dog jokes, however, are guaranteed to make you howl with laughter.
Dog jokes that fetch major laughs
Serious question: What’s the best type of pet, and why is it a dog? One reason for all the puppy love may be the canine capacity for silliness. Their doofy expressions, innocent mistakes and eagerness to please lead to a lot of unintended yet heartwarming humor. Just scroll through some funny dog photos to see what we mean! It’s impossible to look into those goofy faces and not smile. And it’s equally impossible to read these dog jokes and puns without giggling.
So dig up your funny bone and take a paws-itively hilarious ride with us to the bark side of humor. We’ve fetched the very best dog jokes, and the list ahead will leave you howling with delight. (Don’t say we didn’t warn you about all the dog puns!)
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Funny dog jokes
Grab your furry friend and get ready to unleash the humor with these doggone funny jokes!
1. How did the dog get from Boston to New York?
He took a Greyhound.
2. Why do poor dogs chase their tails?
They’re just trying to make ends meet.
3. How do dogcatchers get paid?
By the pound.
4. Why do dogs make the best arborists?
Because they are experts in bark.
5. Why did the dog skip the prom?
Because he had two left feet.
6. What did the dog install in his car to impress all his friends?
A subwoofer!
7. What kind of dog can jump as high as a tall building?
Any kind. A building can’t jump!
8. What’s the most popular dog breed among magicians?
The labracadabrador.
9. What do you call a dog that’s playing outdoors in winter?
A chili dog.
10. What did the therapy dog say to her client?
“That’s ruff.”
11. What do dogs get after they graduate from obedience school?
Their masters.
12. Why did the cowboy adopt a dachshund?
He always wanted to get a long little doggy.
13. What do you get a dog for its birthday?
Pupcakes!
14. Why are there no losers in a dachshund race?
They’re all weiners.
15. Why didn’t the dog want to play football?
It was a boxer.
Dog jokes one-liners
Turn a “rough” day into a “ruff” day with these hilarious lines about dogs.
16. The secret to life is to handle every situation like a dog: If you can’t play with it, eat it or bury it, just pee on it and walk away.
17. I thought I was getting a guard dog, but I’ve come to realize I’ve just gotten a louder doorbell.
18. My dog’s not fat; he’s just a little husky.
19. My friend says her dog will retrieve a ball over a mile away, but that sounds far-fetched to me.
20. I tried to trick my dog into eating a healthy snack, but he didn’t bite.
21. My dog accidentally ate sandpaper; it was rough.
22. When it’s raining cats and dogs, you must take extra care not to step in the poodles.
23. Dogs can’t operate MRI machines, but they’re great at running Lab reports.
24. Dogs are terrible with boundaries—instead of standing up for themselves, they just roll over.
25. A three-legged dog limps into a saloon and yells, “Listen up! I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”
26. If you want your dog to stop digging up your garden, all you have to do is take away his shovel.
27. I’m deeply attached to about five people … and 400 dogs on the internet I’ve never met.
28. Heaven forbid you forget to feed your dog, he’ll hound you about it all day.
29. Raining cats and dogs is one thing, but you know the weather is really bad when you see it reindeer.
30. I love my dog, but he does have one glaring fault: He can’t hold his licker.
Dog jokes for adults
These jokes will make you laugh so hard that you’ll shake the bed and wake up your dog.
31. Why are conjunctions dogs’ favorite parts of speech?
Dogs love buts.
32. What did the Dalmatian say when he finished dinner?
That hit the spot.
33. What kind of car does a dog drive?
A Fur-rari.
34. What’s the difference between dogs and marine biologists?
Dogs wag their tails, and marine biologists tag their whales.
35. What’s a dog’s favorite trick to do on Halloween?
Play dead.
36. What’s the best way to stop your dog from barking in the front yard?
Put him in the backyard.
37. What did the police officer do when he saw a dog giving birth on the side of the road?
Gave her a ticket for littering.
38. What’s the friendliest thing in the world?
A wet dog.
39. Why did the dog go to the bank?
To make a de-paws-it.
40. What do you call a zoo with no animals except for one dog?
A Shih Tzu.
41. What do you call a dog crossed with a calculator?
A best friend you can always count on!
42. Why were the fleas depressed?
Their whole town was going to the dogs.
Dog jokes for kids
Whether you’re young or just young at heart, you’ll have a ball with these hilarious dog jokes.
43. What did the mommy dog say to the baby dog at bedtime?
“Hush, puppy!”
44. What do you give a dog with a fever?
Ketchup! Everyone knows that’s the best thing to put on a hot dog.
45. What’s a dog’s favorite type of pizza?
Pupperoni and snausage!
46. Who is the most famous doggy magician in history?
Houndini.
47. What is Dracula’s favorite breed of dog?
A bloodhound!
48. What did the snowman name his pet dog?
Frost, because he bites.
49. What did the dog do when he graduated from obedience school?
He had a paw-ty!
50. Why did the pooch sit in the shade?
He was a hot dog!
51. What happened when the girl took her dog to a flea circus?
He stole the show!
52. What is a dog’s favorite breakfast?
Pooched eggs and pupcakes.
53. What kind of dog should you get if you’re always late?
A watchdog!
54. What do you get when you cross a cocker spaniel with a poodle and a rooster?
A cockerpoodlepoo!
55. What’s a dog’s favorite position to play in football?
Golden receiver.
56. What trees are dogs most afraid of?
Redwoods. They have the biggest bark.
57. What’s a dog’s favorite kind of store?
Retail.
Originally Published: March 21, 2024
