29 Funny Mom Quotes That Will Have You Cry-Laughing
Silence isn't golden... it's suspicious, say all moms everywhere. These funny mom quotes will have you smiling even through the sleep deprivation.
Ignorance is never bliss for a mom
Sure, they might be trying to surprise you by silently making all the beds and leaving a chocolate on the pillows. Or, they might be trying to hide from you because they jumped on all the beds and smeared chocolate on the pillows. It’s probably the latter. If you can relate to these funny mom quotes you’ll also get a kick out of these hilarious parenting tweets.
Russian roulette, mom style
Being a mom means being on the lookout for poop in strange places. It’s always a great day when a suspicious brown smudge turns out to be candy! These gifts–including chocolates–are some things that all moms will love.
It’s like he doesn’t even hear them crying
Why is “sleep like a baby” such a popular saying? Babies truly are the worst sleepers—they flail, snore, and wake up every few hours. Moms aren’t just funny, they’re also very strong. These are 10 superhuman things only moms can do.
But do you have to tell your neighbors six times?
Kids know exactly how far they’ve pushed you over the edge from your tone of voice. The only question now is whether you’re the type who yells or the type who gets scarily quiet. Just make sure you’re avoiding these common parenting fails.
Who needs an alarm clock when you have a 4-year-old?
Gone are the days when you could sleep in on the weekend, read in bed, and then have a leisurely brunch. With kids, 9 a.m. is halfway through the day. These proverbs from around the world will give you strength.
I simply adore doing dishes
There’s nothing like getting to the end of the day and having to put 27 glasses in the dishwasher, even though there are only four people in your family. Find the humor in your kids’ annoying habits with these 41 hilarious things people actually believed as kids.
Take your “me time” however you can get it
Are you laughing on the floor from these funny mom quotes yet? Luxury used to mean a fluffy bathrobe and an hour-long massage. These days it means getting a moment to yourself and eating peanut butter spread straight out of the jar with your finger—yet this makes you happier than any spa day ever did. By the way—if you need more laughs, reading these funny tweets will do just the trick.
Don’t worry, you’ll be able to wear high heels again… eventually
Pre-children, stilettos were sexy footwear. Now those shoes are weapons or costumes, not to mention a hazard on wood floors. Need advice on keeping toddlers out of your stuff? Try these 11 parenting tips from French moms.
Sesame Street is legit hilarious
Small kids love nothing more than a broom, a vacuum, or a duster. Now, if only they could actually use them to clean and not make more messes. Of course, you can always try it together—doing chores is one of the 23 ways to bond with your kids.
Warning: sharp learning curve ahead
All those hilarious pictures of babies holding beer bottles? That’s the third kid. If you’re loving these funny mom quotes check out these adorably funny baby pictures guaranteed to make you smile.
Sale on Aisle Adorable
Let’s be honest: Shopping for tiny outfits or picking out cute diapers is way more fun than comparing prices on bagels—even if you don’t have kids.
Barf is the new black
Plus, it coordinates with the PB&J stain on your pants.
Mom? Mom, mom, MOM, mommy
Remember the “mine” seagulls on Finding Nemo? Replace “mine” with “mom” and you’ll get a pretty good feel for what the rest of your life will be like.
Toddlers can be terrorists
It’s a triple whammy—not only do you have to endure being pelted with various food items on the regular, but you also have to clean up the mess, then comfort your kid when they realize they no longer have any food to eat, regardless of the fact that they did this to themselves. Comfort yourself with these 18 hilarious and true parenting stories.
The classic mom diet
Don’t worry, you can always eat everything that’s left on all their plates as you clean up.
I do not! *snort*
Best case scenario: People will think your child is posh and is a zoology prodigy—at least until she tells them haughtily that “pigs do not like to jump in muddy puddles.”
Reality is getting puke in your bra because your kid needs to be hugged while they’re sick
You start out with no kids and many theories on correct parenting. Then you have kids and end up with no theories on parenting.
They do say being a mom increases your capacity for love
Think about it: It’s an automatic vacuum that helps out (without you ever having to ask), does its job thoroughly, then puts itself in bed. Can you say the same about anyone (or thing) else in your house? Keep the laughs going with these hilarious mom jokes that are just too relatable.
Sorry, done adulting for the day
Children long to be adults, while adults long to be children again. It’s the (vicious) circle of life.
Sunday breakfast means toast and eggs… on the floor
Everywhere is quiet and peaceful on Sunday mornings—except playgrounds. Starting at dawn they’re filled with screaming kids and zombie parents. If you’re lucky, someone will share their goldfish crackers since you (of course) forgot to pack snacks.
Your mom would do something, by golly!
This one is funny until your kid starts yelling “You’re not my mom! I don’t have to go with you!” and someone calls Child Protective Services. If you’re loving these tweets, just wait until you see these mom memes.
The #1 thing parents hear most often is…
And the worst part about it is that it’s 100 percent true. It’s one of the 16 things parents of young children want you to know.
This is also why the remote control never works
You’d never know it before you were a parent but batteries are worth their weight in gold. Literally everything kids need requires three AA batteries and a screwdriver.
Why aren’t drive-thru parks a thing?
Getting kids in and out of cars, especially if you’re wrangling more than one, is like doing advanced math. With the pen in the wrong hand. And no paper. (Because someone squirted a juice box all over the paper.) Although, these 13 crazy things drive thru workers have seen on the job may make you rethink this.
It’s 9 a.m.—have you stepped on a Lego yet?
Cleaning a house with kids in it is like shoveling in a blizzard.
It used to have a different meaning, but we can’t remember what…
There’s no doubt about it, parenting makes the possibility of a midnight booty call a whole lot less exciting.
Last call happens at 4 p.m.
You know your party days are truly over when you can find six sippy cups in under a minute, but don’t even remember what a shot glass looks like.
Good night, sleep tight… because I tied you to your bed
Forget musical chairs; kids’ real favorite game is playing musical beds, all night long. It helps to be a sound sleeper when you’re a parent. Does this sound counterintuitive? Check out these other 11 surprising signs you’ll make a great parent.
Snips and snails and… YouTube fails?
To be fair, some boys can be super dramatic and some girls can be daredevils, but there’s a reason the stereotype exists. This is why every mom of boys tenses up when she hears “Hey mom, watch this!”—boys are almost never showing you the flowers they craft while sitting quietly at the table. After you’re done reading these funny mom quotes, check out the best pieces of advice people have ever gotten from their mom. It will make all the hard days worth it.