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25 Fortune Cookie Sayings You Can’t Help but Laugh At

Morgan CutoloMorgan CutoloUpdated: May 20, 2021

Some fortune cookie sayings will leave you with wise, inspiring words. Some will leave you laughing so much that you cry.

Couple in a Chinese restaurantGoodLifeStudio/Getty Images

Fortune cookie sayings that are sure to make you laugh

You expect to get wise words of wisdom when you crack open a fortune cookie, but sometimes the words will make you burst out laughing instead. We’ve gathered some of the funniest fortune cookie sayings that will have you in tears. If you’re looking for something a little more inspirational, check out these stories of times fortune cookies literally changed people’s lives.

For image: Blessed are the children for they shall inherit the national debt.RD.com, Getty Images

Pass on the debt

They truly are blessed. Make sure you also read through these funny quotes.

For image: You are about to become $10.95 poorer (8.95 if you had the buffet).RD.com, Getty Images

Buffet discount

At least it’s an honest fortune. Here are some quarantine quotes that are actually pretty funny.

For image: When in anger, sing the alphabet.RD.com, Getty Images

A, B, C, D…

Something we all need to try in moments of anger. If you think these fortune cookie sayings are funny, you’ll also enjoy these hilarious yearbook quotes.

For image: If you eat something and nobody sees you eat it, it has no calories.RD.com, Getty Images

No calories

I’ve never heard such wise words. Check out these punny newspaper headlines.

For image: The fortune you seek is in another cookie.RD.com, Getty Images

Next cookie

I’m not going to complain about that. More cookies for me. These funny drinking quotes will make you spit out your drink.

Fortune cookie with printing messed up so that you can only read the word "fail" and the rest is cut off.RD.com, Getty Images

Fail

Quite literally a fail. Check out these funny sayings that are definitely worth memorizing.

For image: To truly find yourself you should play hide and seek alone.RD.com, Getty Images

Hide and seek

Not sure that is going to help me solve my life problems, but I’ll try. Make sure to memorize these hilarious comebacks to use the next time you need one.

For image: Come back later...I am sleeping (yes, cookies need sleep too).RD.com, Getty Images

Tired fortune

We all need sleep. Check out these unfortunate typos you won’t believe were printed.

For image: It could be better, but it's good enough.RD.com, Getty Images

Good enough

I guess I can settle for good enough. These funny mom quotes will have you cry-laughing.

For image: It would be best to maintain a low profile for now.RD.com, Getty Images

Low profile

Why? Who’s after me? Don’t forget to check out these hilarious cookie puns.

For image: Pass the bill to the person on your right.RD.com, Getty Images

Not your bill

If you say so. Check out these funny photos that made it on the news.

For image: As long as you don't sign up for anything new, you'll do fine.RD.com, Getty Images

Nothing new

That is a risk I’m willing to take.

For image: Catch on fire with enthusiasm and people will come for miles to watch you burn.RD.com, Getty Images

On fire

They’re not going to step in to help me? I’ll be less enthusiastic then.

For image: Don't panic.RD.com, Getty Images

Stay calm

Well, now I’m panicking. Here’s some funny advice all dads can appreciate.

For image: Error 404: Fortune not foundRD.com, Getty Images

Fortune not found

I demand a new cookie then.

For image: Ask not what your fortune cookie can do for you but what you can do for your fortune cookie.RD.com, Getty Images

JFKookie

What can one do for a fortune cookie exactly?

For image: You are the crispy noodle in the vegetarian salad of life.RD.com, Getty Images

Standout noodle

Is this a compliment? I can’t tell. Make sure you never follow these hilarious pieces of bad advice.

For image: I see money in your future...it is not yours though.RD.com, Getty Images

Rich future

I’ll take their future instead of mine.

For image: Ignore previous cookie.RD.com, Getty Images

Last cookie

But, I liked the fortune I got.

For image: Enjoy yourself while you can.RD.com, Getty Images

Enjoy life now

Is that a threat? Here are some funny quotes from centenarians.

For image: You love Chinese food.RD.com, Getty Images

Foodie

You are correct. It’s amazing how spot-on fortune cookie sayings can be.

Only listen to fortune cookies. Disregard all other fortune telling units.RD.com, Getty Images

One type of fortune

I guess I should ignore the Magic 8 ball from this morning.

For image: If you think we're going to sum up your whole life on this little piece of paper you're crazy.RD.com, Getty Images

Little paper

You could have tried. Read through these beautiful proverbs from around the world.

For image: When you squeeze an orange, orange juice comes out—because that's what's inside.RD.com, Getty Images

Orange juice

Maybe there’s a deeper meaning here?

For image: If you think nobody cares if you are alive, try missing a couple of car payments.RD.com, Getty Images

Car loan

Your loan company cares about you more than anybody. These funny fortune cookie sayings probably left you laughing. Now, gain some real wisdom with these life-changing quotes.

Originally Published: February 01, 2021

Morgan Cutolo
Morgan Cutolo
Morgan is an Associate Editor at Reader’s Digest. She graduated from the University of New Hampshire in 2016 where she received her Bachelor of Arts in Journalism. She writes for rd.com, helps lead the editorial relationship with our partners, manages our year-round interns, and keeps the hundreds of pieces of content our team produces every month organized. In her free time, she likes exploring the seacoast of Maine where she lives and works remotely full time and snuggling up on the couch with her corgi, Eggo, to watch HGTV or The Office.