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14 Funny Christmas Quotes That Will Have You Laughing Through the Holidays

These witty words will have you laughing all the way through the holiday season.

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The holidays are the most wonderful time of the year, but sometimes, it may not feel that way. Thankfully, there are a variety of ways to lighten the mood this holiday season—including funny Christmas quotes. These are the funny ways people learned the truth about Santa Claus.

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bert simpsonNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

On the reason for the season

Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. —Bart Simpson. Nothing like some funny Christmas quotes to remind you what Christmas is really all about. Make sure you also remember some funny Thanksgiving quotes for next year.

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dave barryNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

On religion

Once again, we come to the holiday season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice. —Dave Barry. These funny Christmas quotes are so relatable, it’s scary. This is the reason why Santa Claus wears red.

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bernard manningNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

On toys

I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying “toys not included.” —Bernard Manning. The good news is, they can be used with practically any toy (sold separately, of course). Are you a puzzle pro? Test your skills with this Christmas brainteaser.

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phyllis dillerNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

On office Christmas parties

What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day. —Phyllis Diller. Coworkers just wanna have fun. Here are some funny work cartoons to get you through the week.

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ellen degeneresNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

On holiday food

Nothing says holidays like a cheese log. —Ellen DeGeneres. Oh Christmas cheese, oh Christmas cheese, how lovely are thy platters. Gathering around the dinner table is also the perfect way to make memories, talk about your favorite Christmas stories, and perhaps create your own.

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shirley templeNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

On believing in Santa

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph. —Shirley Temple. She should have taken that as a compliment! These are the secrets your mall Santa won’t tell you.

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victor borgeNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

On manners

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year. —Victor Borge. Stop by their house, eat some cookies and milk, give out presents, and leave on a magical sleigh. It’s a win-win for everyone. These are the top Christmas movies guaranteed to get you into the holiday spirit.

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andy borowitzNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

On the birth of Jesus

Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard. —Andy Borowitz. These funny Christmas jokes and Christmas quotes are making us see this holiday in a whole new way.

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richard lewisNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

On Hanukkah

Most Texans think Hanukkah is some sort of duck call. —Richard Lewis.  Their thoughts on menorahs are unclear. These are the things you never knew about Hanukkah.

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bridger winegarNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

On Christmas music

I hate the radio this time of year because they play “All I Want For Christmas Is You” like, every other song. And that’s just not enough. —Bridger Winegar. We don’t want a lot for Christmas. There’s just one thing we need. These are the best Christmas songs ever—ranked.

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unknownNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

On holiday weight gain

People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas. —Unknown. Well, when you put it that way…  Read on to figure out how the calorie count in food is determined.

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jim gafficanNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

On gift giving

Ever wonder what people got Jesus for Christmas? It’s like, “Oh great, socks. You know I’m dying for your sins, right? Yeah, but thanks for the socks! They’ll go great with my sandals. What am I, German?” —Jim Gaffigan. At least get a matching Christmas sweater. Don’t miss these funny Christmas jokes that will make your holiday merry.

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andy rooneyNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

On the Christmas aftermath

One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas Day. Don’t clean it up too quickly. —Andy Rooney. If you loved these funny Christmas quotes, be sure to check out these funny Christmas cartoons for hilarious holidays.

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melanie whiteNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

On the spirit of Christmas

My husband’s idea of getting the Christmas spirit is to become Scrooge. —Melanie White. Their Christmas card says, “Bah humbug!” Next, don’t miss these funny Christmas cartoons.