80 Animal Jokes That Are the Wildest in the Kingdom
Updated: May 08, 2024
When life seems a little too serious, there's nothing like animal jokes to make you roar (or hoot or howl) with laughter
I’ve been a stand-up and improv comic for 30 years, and I know for a fact that there are millions of animals who are funnier than I am—and they don’t have to take the microphone at a comedy club to prove it. You know what elicits more giggles than animal jokes? A bear cub learning to use a tire swing. A raccoon bouncing on a trampoline. Even a pig playing with a giant inflatable ball. No one gets bigger laughs while making us fall in love with them than the creatures who share the planet with us.
Is it intimidating to try to out-funny all these comical critters by writing animal jokes and animal puns? It is indeed. But it’s worth the effort to lighten up the world around us and give you a good laugh.
So pull your pet into your lap and get ready to guffaw over the best jokes about dogs, cats, koala bears and countless other creatures. Just think: If you memorize a few of these animal jokes, you’ll be almost as funny as a goat in pajamas.
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Funny animal jokes
- Where does an armadillo look for a new shell?
Arma-Zillow.
- What do you call a long-nosed mammal who loves to garden?
A yardvark.
- Why didn’t the dog see a psychiatrist?
He isn’t allowed on the couch.
- What happened when the shark tried online dating?
He was catfished.
- What did the leopard say after finding two quarters and a dime on the ground?
“And they say a leopard can’t spot his change.”
- Why was the mama robin sad when her chick moved out?
She had empty nest syndrome.
- What is the most polite kind of dinosaur?
A please-iosaur.
- What kind of owl is always out of money?
A borrowing owl.
- What do you call badgers who keep making lists for their mates?
Honey-do badgers.
- Why did the crab refuse to share?
Because he’s shellfish.
- What did the dolphin say to the other fish?
You need a porpoise in life.
- What is an opossum’s favorite movie?
Mission Impossumble.
- What do you call a porcupine interviewing for a job at a balloon factory?
Unemployed.
- What do you call a bird who plays sad songs on the guitar?
A blues jay.
- Why was the Australian car in the driveway?
It dingo.
- What do you call a miniature porcupine who steals money from people?
A hedge fund hog.
- What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant?
Swimming trunks.
- Why did the hamster quit his exercise routine?
He felt like he was just going in circles and not getting anywhere.
- What was the pinniped’s favorite game show?
Seal or No Seal.
- Why could the elephant remember the tortoise’s name so many years after they met?
He has turtle recall.
- What do you call a polar bear in the desert?
Lost.
If these animal jokes are giving you the giggles, you’re going to want to browse our list of elephant jokes that are heavy on the humor.
Animal puns
- Well, this is hawkward.
- Get otter here!
- You’ve got to be kitten me.
- Whale, whale, whale … look who it is.
- This place is utter pandamonium.
- Well, owl be darned!
- You giraffe me crazy.
- I didn’t do it on porpoise!
- My throat’s a little horse.
- I can’t bear it.
- Don’t be hippocritical.
- These jokes are the sealiest.
- I have all the koalafications.
- If you’re hungry, alpaca lunch.
- You deserve a round of a-paws.
- Meow what do we have here?
- I’m not lion!
Get this: We have even more puns for you to fawn over. Start with these hilarious deer puns.
Animal jokes for kids
- What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
- What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?
“Dam!”
- What do you get when you cross a centipede with a parrot?
A walkie-talkie!
- What do you call a theme park with only giraffes in it?
Giraffic Park.
- What animal has three humps?
A camel with a backpack.
- What kind of fish travel in tiny cars?
Clownfish.
- Which snakes are the best at math?
Adders.
- How do birds prepare for tests?
They don’t—they just wing it.
- What did the dachshund say to her crush?
I long for you.
- What’s a polar bear’s favorite song?
“Ice, Ice, Baby.”
- What did the groundhog say when asked to predict the weather?
But I wanted to report on sports!
- What’s a paddlefish’s favorite song?
“Row, Row, Row Your Boat.”
- Why do jumping spiders jump?
Because humans are scary.
- What’s a mockingbird’s favorite movie?
Mean Girls.
- Why were all the penguins laughing?
Because the emperor penguin had no clothes.
- What is black and white and red all over?
A penguin with a sunburn.
- How do you keep a fainting goat from fainting?
Don’t let her watch scary movies.
- What did the buffalo say to his son when he went off to college?
Bison!
- Why did the gazelles forfeit the game?
The other team’s players were all cheetahs.
- What’s the easiest way to identify carpenter ants?
By their tool belts.
- What dog can run really fast and cook a mean spaghetti dinner?
An Italian greyhound.
- What animal knows the metric system?
A centipede.
Kids who crack up at these animal jokes will be barking with laughter when you break out these dog jokes for kids.
Animal one-liners
- I used to drink like a fish, but I stopped because I kept flopping around on the pavement.
- The road to success is usually blocked by a gang of turkeys.
- A male royal albatross can fly for more than a year without touching foot to ground—and no, he won’t stop and ask for directions.
- Chameleons are the mood rings of the animal kingdom.
- Avoid temptation … unless it’s a puppy.
- When life gives you lemmings, tunnel underground and disappear for a while.
- I love jokes about sheepdogs. I won’t be happy until I’ve herd them all.
- If anyone can, a pelican.
- My email password has been hacked. That’s the third time I’ve had to rename the cat.
- I may be feeding my teacup poodle too much. He’s more like a venti coffee.
- Earthworms move by contracting their muscles. Let me get this straight: Even worms are in better shape than I am?
- My friend told me I was the bee’s knees, and sure enough, my legs were covered in pollen.
- Trust dogs. They always know who has cookies.
- Jellyfish are 98% water and 2% “ouch, that stings!”
- My cat’s favorite TV show is Little House on the Prairie Dog.
- If the glass is half empty, don’t blame a camel.
- I visit a vet instead of a human doctor because she tells me I’m a good boy and gives me a cookie before taking my temperature.
- You can’t make everyone happy—you’re not a puppy in pajamas.
- Are you a victim of being ignored by your cat? You may be eligible for a claws action lawsuit.
- You’d think snails would be faster if they ditched their shells, but that just makes them sluggish.
Are you buzzing with energy (a little bee pun for you) after reading these animal jokes? Share your favorites with the humans—or animals—who make you laugh.
Why trust us
Reader’s Digest has been telling jokes for more than 100 years, curated and reviewed over the past 20 years by Senior Features Editor Andy Simmons, a humor editor formerly of National Lampoon and the author of Now That’s Funny. We’ve earned prestigious ASME awards for our humor—including comical quips, pranks, puns, cartoons, one-liners, knock-knock jokes, riddles, memes, tweets and stories in laugh-out-loud magazine columns such as “Life in These United States,” “All in a Day’s Work,” “Laughter, the Best Medicine” and “Humor in Uniform,” as well as online collections such as short jokes, dad jokes and jokes so bad they’re great. You can find a century of humor in our 2022 compendium, Reader’s Digest: Laughter, the Best Medicine. For this piece on the best animal jokes, Leigh Anne Jasheway tapped her experience as a comedy writer and stand-up comedian. Read more about our team, our contributors and our editorial policies.
Originally Published: May 08, 2024
