105 Funny Golf Jokes Guaranteed to Be a Hole-in-One
Updated: Apr. 30, 2024
Time to par-tee! These hilarious golf jokes will get lots of laughs on the links.
Golf clubs … check! Golf balls … check! Golf jokes … wait. Are yours up to par? You’d better make sure because don’t want to end up as the putt of a joke after your pun falls flat. Don’t worry—you’re in the right place. We’ve collected an array of rib ticklers that are perfect for cracking up your partners, caddies and even yourself!
Yes, golf is a serious game and all that, but everyone wins when you land a laugh on the rough. Ahead, you’ll find 100 of the best jokes and puns about golf to make your next round amazing (no matter what your score is). We promise you won’t have to take a mulligan.
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Funniest golf jokes
- What do you use to find the location of a golf ball?
A lie detector.
- What do you call an itchy person who can shoot par or better?
A scratch golfer.
- What do you get when you cross a baseball field with a golf course?
A diamond in the rough.
- Did you hear about the golfer who didn’t have metal clubs in his bag?
He was iron deficient.
- What do you call an angry golfer?
Teed off!
- What type of beard is best for a golfer?
A goatee.
- I’m green and I have pockets, but a Masters champion has never worn me. What am I?
A pool table.
- The answer: Burrowing rodents and caddies.
The question: Name two gophers.
- What is called after a golfer attempts to retrieve a ball from an alligator’s mouth?
An ambulance!
- What do you call the area where golfers get high?
A pot hole.
- What do you call a golf swing from a player not wearing pants?
A moon shot.
- On what part of a course do golfers like to drink?
The watering hole.
- I collect betting money for golfers. What am I?
A greenskeeper.
- Where do criminals buy their golf equipment?
In a pro and con shop.
- Did you hear about the golfer who used to wear colorful pants?
He had a checkered past.
- The answer: A witch’s haven and a golf course.
The question: What two places have lots of curses?
- What do you call an online class for golfers?
Masters class.
- What did the group of priests do when they came upon a slower group of golfers?
Pray through!
- What do you call Simpsons characters that shoot par or better?
Itchy and Scratchy golfers.
Looking for more jokes on and off the course? Try these short jokes anyone can remember.
Clever golf puns
- Time to par-tee!
- Golf is my cup of tee.
- Green and bear it.
- To tee or not to tee? That is the question.
- Sorry, we don’t give out par-ticipation trophies.
- Iron Man.
- The Tee Stooges.
- I like big putts and I cannot lie.
- Golf forth and prosper.
- Putter fingers.
- May the course be with you.
- Chip off the old block.
- That’s a load of trap.
- Go fore it!
- Talk birdie to me.
- Stop being a putt-inski.
- The putt of a joke.
- Fairway to heaven.
- A par is born.
- Take my wife … tees!
If you like these puns, there’s a good chance you’ll love these dad jokes too.
Punny golf jokes
- What car does a golfer’s assistant drive?
A Caddy-lac.
- What movie about golf took place in a galaxy far, far away?
Par Wars.
- Who do you get when you cross a golfer who scored one over par with a nightmare?
The Bogey-man.
- Who was the 19th-century sleepy villager who held his golf club tightly?
Grip Van Winkle.
- What do you get when you cross a body of water with golf?
The Golf of Mexico.
- What is a golfer’s favorite sandwich?
Peanut putter and jelly.
- What do you get when you cross a funny golfer with a stretchy toy?
Silly Putter.
- What do you call a story that involves golfers and spies?
Stroke and dagger.
- What do you get when you cross a shallow pit with a golfing comedian?
An Adam Sand-ler trap.
- What do you call the emcee at a major golf tournament?
The Masters of Ceremonies.
- How did Moses prove that he was a good golfer?
He parred the Red Sea.
- What do you get when you cross a person living in monastery with a short golf shot?
A chip-monk.
- What do you get when you cross a golf ball that lands in a pond with a Deep Purple song?
Stroke on the water.
- Where are you most likely to find a bear on a golf course?
In the cub house.
- What area of the fairway is a dog’s favorite?
The ruff.
Golf isn’t the only thing in life. (Really.) If you’re a pet parent, these dog jokes will also make you howl with laughter.
Silly golf jokes
- Did you hear about the golfer whose clubs burst into flames?
He had several irons in the fire.
- What do you get when you cross a short putt with a cookie?
A chocolate chip shot.
- What do you call a popular Sesame Street character who takes one swing less than par?
Big Birdie.
- Why don’t bears use caddies?
Because they like to hold their own cubs.
- What do you get when you cross a cereal-box character with one of golf’s all-time greats?
Tony the Tiger Woods.
- Which British actor only uses metal golf clubs?
Jeremy Irons.
- Which TV show featured a mother and five kids who made the expected number of golf strokes?
The Par-tridge Family.
- What do you get when you cross a golfer’s pants with a chocolate snack?
A Knickers bar!
- Did you hear about the golfer who turned into a party animal?
He turned bro.
- What do you call a police van filled with golfers’ assistants?
A caddy wagon.
- What do you get when you cross a funny movie about golf with Donald Duck?
Caddy-quack!
- Did you hear about the politician who’s working twice as hard?
He played 36 holes of golf.
- What do computer experts use on the golf course?
An Apple cart.
Fore! Here come our favorite bad jokes (that you’ll actually love).
Funny golfer jokes
- Did you hear about the golfer who swung his club halfway?
He nearly had a stroke.
- Who do you get when you cross a curving golf shot with a rapper?
Vanilla Slice.
- What do you call someone who can golf and drink at the same time?
A multi-flasker.
- What did the golfers say to their crazy friend who held the club improperly?
Get a grip!
- Where is the lie in golf?
On the scorecard.
- What do you get when you cross an extreme golf shot with a pirate?
Captain Hook-ed.
- What kind of patterned sweaters do pirates wear on a golf course?
Argh-yle!
- Which ancient Egyptian pharaoh liked to golf?
King Putt.
- What traveling entertainment show features bad golfers?
The Slice-capades.
- Did you hear about the golfer whose shot landed in a music store?
He broke three records.
- How would you describe an errant golf shot that landed in a dinnerware boutique?
A ball in a china shop.
- What do you call a female pop star who keeps missing her shots?
Taylor Whiffed!
- What do you get when you cross a golfer with Humphrey Bogart’s stand-in?
A double Bogey.
- What do you call a golf shot that ends up in outer space?
A black hole in one.
- Did you hear about the actor who took too many strokes on the golf course?
He wasn’t right for the par.
- What do you call a skeleton’s second-chance shot?
A skull-igan.
- What do you call a golfer retrieving a ball in deep water?
A scuba driver.
- Which Star Wars character was good at sinking short shots?
Jabba the Putt.
- How long did the golfer promise to stay married?
Till death do us par.
Taking golf too seriously? Lighten up with these corny jokes that will leave everyone laughing on the links.
Golf knock-knock jokes
- Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Iota.
Iota who?
Iota use a five wood for this shot, don’t ya think?
- Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Foursome.
Foursome who?
Foursome, golf is a tough sport!
- Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Boo.
Boo who?
I’d cry, too, if I kept hitting shots like that.
- Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Wanda.
Wanda who?
Wanda if you’ll ever stop hitting bogeys today.
- Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Noah.
Noah who?
Noah scuba diver who can fish your ball out of the water?
If you have little ones at home, these knock-knock jokes for kids will also come in handy.
Funny golf one-liners from celebrities
- “I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone’s game: It’s called an eraser.” —Arnold Palmer
- “It took me 17 years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. It took one afternoon on the golf course.” —Hank Aaron
- “The other day, I broke 70. That’s a lot of clubs.” —Henny Youngman
- “If you think golf is relaxing, you’re not playing it right. ” —Bob Hope
- “I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.” —Bob Hope
- “A photographer kept shooting me every time I swung. I was very flattered until I found out he was from Field and Stream.” —Bob Hope
- “I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators.” —President Gerald R. Ford
- “If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.” —Jack Lemmon
- “I’m the best. I just haven’t played yet.” —Muhammad Ali
- “My golf game is getting real good. Last week, I got through the windmill.” —Rodney Dangerfield
- “They call it golf because all the other four-letter words were taken.” —Raymond Floyd
- “Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.” —Jack Benny
- “The reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing.” —Phyllis Diller
- “The older I get, the better I used to be.” —Lee Trevino
Looking for more words of wisdom from famous folks? These funny quotes and hilarious sayings will ensure that you always have the perfect witty comeback for every occasion.
Why trust us
Reader’s Digest has been telling jokes for more than 100 years, curated and reviewed over the last 20 years by Senior Features Editor Andy Simmons, a humor editor formerly of National Lampoon and the author of Now That’s Funny. We’ve earned prestigious ASME awards for our humor—including comical quips, pranks, puns, cartoons, one-liners, knock-knock jokes, riddles, memes, tweets and stories in laugh-out-loud magazine columns such as “Life in These United States,” “All in a Day’s Work,” “Laughter, the Best Medicine” and “Humor in Uniform,” as well as online collections such as short jokes, dad jokes and bad jokes so bad, they’re great. You can find a century of humor in our 2022 compendium, Reader’s Digest: Laughter, the Best Medicine. For this story on the funniest golf jokes, Peter Charkalis tapped his experience as a comedy writer for late-night TV shows including The Arsenio Hall Show, The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson and The Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn. Read more about our team, our contributors and our editorial policies.
Originally Published: April 30, 2024
