Q: Which program do Jedi use to open PDF files?
A: Adobe Wan Kenobi
Q: Which website did Chewbacca get arrested for creating?
Q: Why did Anakin Skywalker cross the road?
A: To get to the Dark Side.
Q: Why is Yoda such a good gardener?
A: Because he has a green thumb.
Q: And why can’t you count on his to pick up the tab?
A: Because he’s always a little short.
Q: How do you get down from a bantha?
A: You don’t. You get down from a goose.
Q: What did the specter of Obi Wan Kenobi say to the bartender?
A: “Give me a beer and a mop.”
Jabba the Hut is fat.
How fat is he?
So fat, Obi Wan took a closer look and said, “that’s no moon.”
Tristan Ahtone/FronterasEpisode II: Bar Wars
The Star Wars text crawl walks into a bar.
“Get outta my pub!” the bartender yells. “We don’t serve your type here.”
Luke walks into the Mos Eisley cantina, cradling a slab of dirt in his arms.
“What’ll it be?” asks the barman.
“A pint for me, and one for the road.”
The Death Star’s shield generator walks into a bar. The bartender scowls and says, “Alright pal, I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”
An Ewok strolls into a bar and says to the bartender, “I’ll have a whisky and …… soda.”
The bartender says, “Sure thing—but why the little pause?”
“Dunno,” says the Ewok. “I’ve had them all my life.”
A clone trooper walks into a pub and asks the barman, “Hey, have you seen my brother?”
“I dunno,” says the barman, “What does he look like?”
Two Jawas walk under a bar.
Luke and Obi-Wan walk into a Chinese restaurant. Ten minutes into the meal, Luke’s still having trouble with the chopsticks, dropping food everywhere. Obi-Wan finally snaps, “Use the forks, Luke.”
A Hutt slithers into the food court. The cashier says, “Hey! We have a pizza place named after you!”
The Hutt says, “You have a pizza place named Jabba Desilijic Tiure?”
Episode III: If Darth Vader’s Final Words Were Dad Jokes
“Luke… I’m reading a great book about Force levitation… I can’t put it down.”
“Luke…did you know I almost joined the Jedi Debate Team? …Somebody talked me out of it.”
“Luke…did you know R2D2 used to work for me? …He asked to be paid under the table.”
“Luke… I just watched a great documentary about how the Death Star was built… It was riveting, Luke. It was riveting…”
Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.
I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”
“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” —Everyone following you on Instagram
A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
Comedian Greg Davies
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.