Ah Dad jokes, the pun-filled quips that make every child’s eyes roll, every father’s heart fill with pride and accomplishment, and—now that parents have made their way onto Twitter—the subject of many a tweet. No matter how bad they are, these jokes always manage to get at least a chuckle out of us. Maybe deep down we actually think they’re funny, or maybe we just love to see our dads smile because they made us laugh. Whatever the reason, we present some of the best Dad jokes the Internet can offer.
1. Feeling crabby?
Why don't crabs give to charity?
Because they're shellfish. #dadjokes
— DaddyPoppins (@DaddyPoppinsBlg) April 20, 2017
2. This story is soda-pressing
I got hit in the head with a can of Diet Coke today.
Don't worry, I'm not hurt.
It was a soft drink.#dadjokes
— Syd Collado (@SydCollado) April 20, 2017
3. Here comes the bride
Why do melons have weddings?
Because they cantaloupe.#dadjokes
— C&C Geekcast (@CandCGeekcast) April 20, 2017
4. I rest my case, your honor
Do I enjoy making courthouse puns?
— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) March 8, 2017
5. Get it? Pro-tractor?
— First Jimothy (@First_Jimothy) May 9, 2017
Mathematicians also love jokes. Are you smart enough for these math riddles?
6. Confidence is everything
— Sam (@EssaiSam) August 27, 2015
7. Aww nuts
— Austin Gray (@AustinG__) August 19, 2015
8. What a wonderful phrase
i told my dad i was graduating with Summa Cum Laude and he said "you're graduating Cumma Matata?" 🙄🙄 #dadjokes
— Han (@hannah_natia) April 20, 2017
9. Bad customer service
A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food here." #dadjokes
— Mr. Dunigan (@MrDunigan22) April 27, 2017
10. Sea what he did there?
How do you make an octopus laugh?
With ten-tickles #DadJokes
— KIRBY (@kubbyboy) April 27, 2017
11. These pets are always on time
— David F (@DavidFrischling) April 27, 2017
12. Dress to impress
— dadstayedhome (@Dadstayedhome) April 27, 2017
13. Joke of the Month(s)
Can February March?
No, but April May.#DadJokes
— BeardedMOGuy (@BeardedMOGuy) April 18, 2017
14. Doggone it
— DadJokeDuncan (@DadJokeDuncan) April 26, 2017
15. The road to recovery
I was addicted to the hokey pokey…
But, I turned myself around. 💃🏻
— Heather (@RedShiningStar) April 22, 2017
16. Social media is for the birds
Dad: You know, birds might use Facebook.
Dad: Bc we know they already tweet so… #DadJokes
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— Lawkward Lady (@LawkwardLady) April 26, 2017
17. It just sucked
— DigitalMily (@DigitalMily) April 25, 2017
18. Fishing for advice
What's the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament?
— Drew Davis (@jadavis3) April 25, 2017
19. Laugh at joke, you will
— Virtual Wombat (@VirtualWombat) April 25, 2017
Calling all Star Wars fans: The force is with those who get these 20 corny Star Wars jokes.
20. It’s how we all roll
— First Jimothy (@First_Jimothy) April 25, 2017
21. Paper or plastic? Neither
Cashier: would you like it in a bag?
Dad: Ah no thank you, just leave it in the bottle#dadjokes
— Jordan Rivers (@jordanrivers_NZ) April 24, 2017
22. What about Beethoven?
Did you hear that Arnold Schwarzenegger will be doing a movie about classical music? He'll be Bach. #dadjokes
— Adam Hill (@chilladam) April 23, 2017
23. Poor Bob
What do you call a man with no arms or legs in the middle of the ocean?
— Dad Jokes (@GoodOldDadJokes) April 20, 2017
24. The secret to happiness
The rotation of earth really makes my day.#dadjokes
— Rod M Whitlock (@RodWhitlock) April 21, 2017
25. Put that rumor to bed
Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
Son: No. What happened?
Dad: The teacher woke him up.#dadjokes
— Ralph Nelson Willett (@NorthernOvation) April 20, 2017
26. Relish the pun
Cooking out this weekend? Don't forget the pickle. It's kind of a big dill. #dadjokes
— Adopt A Dad (@AdoptADad) April 30, 2017
27. Not so sharp
My kid wants to invent a pencil with an eraser on each end, but I just don't see the point.#DadJokes
— Brian Mork (Hermit) (@hermit_hacker) April 29, 2017
28. Math is hard
The difference between a numerator and a denominator is a short line.
— Vince Favreaux (@storyofericnjoe) April 28, 2017
And if you’re in the fraction that doesn’t understand, good news. Humor can actually make you smarter!
29. Maybe her phone floats
My wife asked me to sync her phone, so I threw it into the ocean. I don't know why she's mad at me. #dadjokes
— Adam Hill (@chilladam) April 26, 2017
30. Deep thoughts
My friend keeps saying "Cheer up man it could be worse, u could be stuck underground in a hole full of water"
I know he means well#dadjokes
— Vince Favreaux (@storyofericnjoe) April 25, 2017
31. And of course, the classic:
Son: "Dad, I'm hungry"
Dad: "Hi hungry, I'm Dad"#DadJokes
— Dad Jokes (@fatherlyhumor) December 7, 2016