104 Love Jokes That’ll Make Your Crush Crack Up with Laughter

Research shows women like men who make them laugh, and men like women who laugh at their funny jokes. Gender aside, though, who doesn’t love love and who doesn’t appreciate humor? The two go together like knives and forks, peanut butter and jelly, Kermit and Miss Piggy. With that in mind, we’ve curated over 100 love jokes that’ll both tickle your funny bone and help you court your paramour.

After all, relationships are no joke, but nobody said bonding had to be boring. Well-crafted wisecracks about romance and relationships can bring a smile on your partner’s face … and sometimes even induce major belly laughs. Ain’t love and laughter grand? Ahead is our collection of the best love jokes around that you’ll no doubt get a kick out of.

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The best love jokes

• What happened when the two vampires went on a blind date?
  It was love at first bite.
• Why should you avoid marrying a tennis player?
  Because love means nothing to them.
• What’s the difference between love and marriage?
  Love is one long, sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
• How are relationships like algebra?
  Because you look at your X and wonder Y.
• What did the romantic baker say to his dough?
  “I knead you.”
• Why do painters always fall for their models?
  Because they love them with all of their art.
• Did you hear about the notebook that married the pencil?
  She finally found Mr. Write.
• What did the vegetable say to her husband?
  “I love you from my head tomatoes.”
• What did the barista say to her boyfriend?
  “I love you a latte.”
• Why did the man propose to the woman working at the zoo?
  She was a keeper.

Corny but cute love jokes

• What did the patient with a broken leg say to his doctor?
  “I have a crutch on you.”
• What did the boat say to its crush?
  “Are you up for a little row-mance?”
• Why shouldn’t you fall in love with a pastry chef?
  He’ll dessert you.
• What does a ghost call his true love?
  My ghoul-friend.
• What do you call two birds in love?
  Tweethearts.
• What is the most romantic fruit?
  A date.
• Why did the cute couple end up in prison?
  They stole each other’s hearts.
• What did one rabbit say to the other on her birthday?
  “Some bunny loves you.”
• What do fawns whisper to their crushes?
  Terms of en-deer-ment.
• Why did the cannibal break up with his date?
  She didn’t suit his taste.
• What did the French chef give his husband for their anniversary?
  A hug and a quiche.
• What did one volcano say to the other?
  “I lava you.”

Witty relationship jokes

• Why did the banker break up with his girlfriend?
  He was losing interest.
• What did the snake say to his date?
  “Give me a little hiss.”
• Why did the melons get married in a church?
  Because they cantaloupe!
• Why should you never date an apostrophe?
  They’re possessive.
• Why did the student ask the encyclopedia on a date?
  He was in-fact-uated.
• How do you show your wife who’s the boss in your home?
  Hold a mirror up to her face.
• Why should you never laugh at your spouse’s choices?
  You’re one of them.
• What did the salesman say to his daughter’s fiance?
  “No refunds.”
• How do tightrope walkers meet their romantic partners?
  Online dating.
• What did the mountain say when the hill suggested they should elope?
  “I’m inclined to agree.”

Knock-knock love jokes

• Knock, knock.
  Who’s there?
  Russian.
  Russian who?
  I’m Russian to ask you out on a date!
• Knock, knock.
  Who’s there?
  Water.
  Water who?
  Water you up to for the rest of my life?
• Knock, knock.
  Who’s there?
  Noah.
  Noah who?
  I Noah good place where we can be alone.
• Knock, knock.
  Who’s there?
  Egg.
  Egg who?
  I’m egg-cited to be near you!
• Knock, knock.
  Who’s there?
  Ivana.
  Ivana who?
  Ivana kiss you right now.
• Knock, knock.
  Who’s there?
  Honeydew.
  Honeydew who?
  Honeydew you know how often I think of you every day?
• Knock, knock.
  Who’s there?
  Anita.
  Anita who?
  Anita be with you forever!
• Knock, knock.
  Who’s there?
  Muffin.
  Muffin who?
  Muffin in the world could keep us from spending our lives together!
• Knock, knock.
  Who’s there?
  Juno.
  Juno who?
  Juno I can’t wait to shower you with kisses.

Flirty pickup lines

• Even if there were no gravity on Earth, I’d still fall for you.
• We’re not socks, but I think we’d make a great pair.
• You look like someone I’d like to sit next to while scrolling on my phone.
• I want to be with someone who will look at me the way I look at chocolate cake.
• Is there an airport nearby, or is my heart taking off?
• Is your name Wi-Fi? Because I’m feeling a connection.
• Are you a fan of Star Wars? Because Yoda person I’m crazy about!
• I think you might be suffering from a lack of vitamin me.
• Can I borrow a kiss? I promise I’ll give it back.
• If you were a phone from Apple, they’d call you iStunning.
• Is your name Dunkin’? Because I doughnut want to spend another day without you.
• You must be French because Eiffel for you.
• Are you a parking ticket? Because you’ve got fine written all over you.

Married couples’ humor

• Marriage is when two become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
• Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is really finished.
• Marriages are made in heaven. Then again, so are thunder, lightning, tornadoes and hail.
• My spouse and I were happy for 24 years. Then we met.
• The four most crucial words in a healthy marriage are, “I agree with you.”
• When my wife blamed me for being immature, I banished her from my pillow fort.
• I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
• My husband and I took out life insurance policies on each other. So now it’s just a waiting game.
• I love you with all my butt. I wanted to say my heart, but it is just not as big.
• My husband cooks for me like I’m a god: by placing burnt offerings before me every night.
• I was emotional when I caught my husband looking at our marriage certificate. Then I found out he was looking for an expiration date.
• I love being married. It’s great to find the special person you want to steal the covers from for the rest of your life.

Romantic jokes

• Wife: “Let’s commit the perfect crime together.”
  Husband: “OK, I’ll steal your heart, and you can steal mine.”
• Wife: “Our new neighbor kisses his wife when he leaves for work. Why don’t you do that?”
  Husband: “How can I? I don’t even know her.”
• Son: “I’ve heard that in some parts of the world, a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her.”
  Dad: “That’s true everywhere.”
• Man: “I love you so much, I could never live without you.”
  Girlfriend: “Is that you talking or the beer?”
  Man: “It’s me talking to the beer.”
• Wife: “Do you want dinner?”
  Husband: “Sure, what are my choices?”
  Wife: “Yes and no.”
• Man: “I’m not rich like Jack. I don’t have a mansion like Russell. I don’t have a private jet like Martin. But I do love you, and I want to marry you.”
  Woman: “I love you too. But what was that you said about Martin?”

Valentine’s Day jokes

• Why are only girls born on Valentine’s Day?
  Because there’s no mail delivery on holidays.
• What did the rocks pledge on Valentine’s Day?
  To never take each other for granite.
• What did one plate say to the other on Valentine’s Day?
  “Tonight, dinner’s on me.”
• Do skunks celebrate Valentine’s Day?
  Of course! They’re very scent-imental.
• What did the octopus say to his beloved on Valentine’s Day?
  “I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand.”
• What was the pickle’s Valentine’s Day message to her girlfriend?
  “You mean a great dill to me.”
• What was the snail’s Valentine’s Day voicemail message to her boyfriend?
  “I just crawled to say I love you.”
• What do you tell a pig on Feb. 14?
  “Happy Valen-swine’s Day!”
• What do you say to your single friends on Valentine’s Day?
  “Happy Independence Day!”
• Why should you get your partner a kitten for Valentine’s Day?
  It’s the purr-fect gift.

One-liners about late-in-life love

• If you want to increase the heart rate of your 70-year-old husband, just tell him you’re pregnant.
• Single men over 70 can absolutely find young women who are interested in them—in a bookstore, under “fiction.”
• You know you’re old when “getting lucky” means having a short wait in the doctor’s office.
• At my age, the only pole dancing I do is holding on to the safety bar in the bathtub.
• We celebrated our anniversary last night with a couple of adult beverages: Metamucil and Ensure.
• We may be old, but we have great alchemy.
• You know you are getting old when “friends with benefits” means having a pal who can drive at night.
• An old man walks into a bar and says to a gorgeous woman, “Do I come here often?”
• I don’t let my lackluster love life get me down—at my age, it’d be too challenging to get back up.
• My wife bemoans her wrinkles, but I like to think of them as wisdom highlights.

Funny love puns

• I doughnut want to glaze over the fact that I love you a hole lot.
• I dolphinately love you.
• You’re my porpoise in life.
• Hope you don’t think this is cheesy, but I think you’re grate.
• I only have pies for you.
• If you were a vegetable, you’d be a cute-cumber.
• You’ve got a pizza my heart.
• We were mint to be together.
• I have so mushroom in my heart for you.
• I love spending koala-ty time with you.
• You’re the loaf of my life.
• You’re my butter half.

Why trust us

Reader’s Digest has been telling jokes for more than 100 years, curated and reviewed over the last 20 years by Senior Features Editor Andy Simmons, a humor editor formerly of National Lampoon and the author of Now That’s Funny. We’ve earned prestigious ASME awards for our humor—including comical quips, pranks, puns, cartoons, one-liners, knock-knock jokes, riddles, memes, tweets and stories in laugh-out-loud magazine columns such as “Life in These United States,” “All in a Day’s Work,” “Laughter, the Best Medicine” and “Humor in Uniform,” as well as online collections such as short jokes, dad jokes and bad jokes so bad, they’re great. You can find a century of humor in our 2022 compendium, Reader’s Digest: Laughter, the Best Medicine. For this story on the funniest love jokes, Mark Miller tapped his decades-long experience as a stand-up comedian and humor writer for sitcoms, variety shows and nationally syndicated humor columns and radio shows. Read more about our team, our contributors and our editorial policies.

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