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19 Funniest Valentine’s Day Cards We’re Buying This Year

I love you with all my butt—it's much bigger than my heart!

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My funny Valentine

Love is a song. Love is a battlefield. Love is pain. Love is blind. Love is an open door. Love is…a lot of things. But the best kind of love is the kind that makes you laugh so hard you snort—and then remember why you fell in love with this hilarious person in the first place. Bring on the funny Valentines!

lava pop up cardvia

I lava you very much

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Love is like a giant mountain, raining down fire and destruction…oh wait, no! Wrong kind of volcano. This cute card by Lovepop gets punny with a pair of completely non-lethal and adorable volcanoes to share the fire in your heart (in the safest way possible). Plus, who doesn’t love a pop-up card? Don’t miss these 25 Valentine’s Day gifts women really want.

valentines cardvia

They will never find your body…

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Murder is super trendy right now—at least talking about it is. (Hopefully committing it isn’t!) Share your love of true crime with the love of your life with this ominous card from NobleWorks. This sentiment is surprisingly fitting when you consider that Valentine’s Day has a dark history.

food pun cardsvia

Love you from my head tomatoes

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Pun-lovers will have a hard time choosing the best way to share their love from this assortment of hilarious food pun cards by The Best Card Company. This was our favorite but “You make miso happy” and “Words can’t espresso how much I love you” were close runners up! Don’t miss these corny love jokes to make your sweetheart smile.

funny valentines cardvia

I love you with all my butt

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What better way to express the enormity of your love than with the most enormous part of your body? Folks with a little junk in their trunk will love this oversize card from NobleWorks. Find out the nine reasons you should be complimenting your spouse daily.

valentines cardvia

You’re the only one I answer the phone for

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With all the many, many ways to communicate in our society, talking on the phone is one of the least popular. After all, why take the time to exchange pleasantries when you can get right to the point with a text? Still, there are those few special people you won’t send straight to voicemail, like this card from Girl W/Kinfe shows.

monkey valentines cardvia

If we were monkeys I’d pick all the bugs off your fur

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Because nothing says love like delousing one another—however, those truly devoted will also eat the bugs. This cute-but-kinda-icky card from Hallmark, includes a bonus joke on the inside. Short on cash? Consider these budget-friendly Valentine’s Day ideas.

im still not sick of you valentines day cardvia

I’m still not sick of you

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This card from Hallmark is perfect for those people who want to give their loved one a card but don’t want to all gushy about it. “I told you I loved you once, how many times do I have to say it?” And in the meantime, maybe brush up on how to improve communication in your relationship.

baby yoda valentines day cardvia

My Valentine you are

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Baby Yoda is everywhere these days and you can capitalize on his cuteness by sharing this card by Abe Gallery Art with your favorite cutie. There’s also a pop-up option for the ultimate in Star Wars love. Or make your own with one of these 20 powerful Yoda quotes.

smores valentines day cardvia

Love you s’more

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Nothing goes together better than graham crackers, chocolate, and marshmallows—except you and your true love! Now you can share your campfire feelings with your crush with this gooey card from Hallmark. For more brownie points, make some of the delicious dessert using our s’mores recipe with a secret ingredient.

funny valentines cardsvia

There’s no one else I’d rather steal the blankets from

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In the never-ending war of the bed covers there can only be one winner: The person who is the deepest sleeper. Or maybe it’s the person with the warmest feet. Use this funny card from Graphic Poster Prints to settle the score (or reach a steamy truce). Surprise your sweetheart with one of these 15 romantic Valentine’s Day weekend getaways.

eminem valentines day cardvia

You make my arms sweaty, knees weak, palms spaghetti

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Gen-X and Millenial couples will get a kick out of this Eminem card by Sketchy Print Co that uses the lyrics from his most famous song to share feelings that, well, those words were never meant to express. For more nostalgic fun, check out the 29 things a 2000’s kid will never understand.

favorite husband valentines day cardvia

You are my favorite husband

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Oh, thank y- wait, what? Share the fire of your love while also sparking a little flame of doubt. This card from Gonzey is perfect for people who want to make their spouse laugh (or just keep them guessing). These are 25 of the best Valentine’s Day gifts for him.

happy pill valentines cardvia

You’re my happy pill

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Better loving through chemistry? This cheeky card from Girl W/Knife celebrates love in the time of antidepressants.

attachment valentines day cardvia

I think I may have developed some sort of attachment to you

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Analytical types will enjoy being very clear and concise about their feelings, with this card from Two Pines Creative. No flowery language, no complicated emotions, no wasted words, just pure letters…that happen to spell love. Or you can borrow one of the 49 best quotes about falling in love.

trampy valentines day cardvia

Does this make me look trampy?

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Sometimes you want to give a little Valentine’s love to your best friend, especially if you’re both single this year. This Hallmark card combines sass and humor to remind your best gal pal why she’s the best.

i love you more than being right cardvia

I love you more than being right

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To paraphrase the classic relationship advice: Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? Obviously, if you’re giving this card, from Personal Paper Hugs, you’d rather be happily in love. Dr. Phil would approve.

north korea valentines day cardvia

I love you more than North Koreans are forced to love Kim Jong Un

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People who enjoy cheeky political humor will love this card from Crimson and Clover that highlights the lengths some people will go to feel adored. If your relationship feels like a war zone however, that’s a problem; make sure you know these 10 major relationship red flags.

never gonna give you up cardvia

Never gonna give you up

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Prepare to be Rick-rolled with the lyrics from Rick Astley’s famous-song-turned-internet-meme! Both 1980s couples and those who just love an internet joke will get a kick out of this lyrical card from Crimson and Clover. Don’t miss these 30 vintage Valentine’s Day cards you’ll wish you received.

food valentines day cardvia

That same feeling I get when I see my food coming at a restaurant

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You know that heart-skipping hope, that lingering stare, that slight bit of drool, that happens when you see your prime rib plate coming from across the room? Yeah, love is like that, according to this card from Personal Paper Hugs. Except you don’t have to tip. Find out why we celebrate Valentine’s Day on February 14 in the first place.

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Charlotte Hilton Andersen
Charlotte Hilton Andersen, BS, MS, has been covering health, fitness, parenting, and culture for many major outlets, both in print and online, for 15 years. She's the author of two books, co-host of the Self Help Obsession podcast, and also does freelance editing and ghostwriting. She has appeared in television news segments for CBS, FOX, and NBC.

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