50 Funniest Valentine’s Day Cards We’re Buying This Year
These funny Valentine's cards offer a lot of heart and even more humor.
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My funny Valentine
Love is a song. Love is a battlefield. Love is pain. Love is blind. Love is an open door. Love is … a lot of things. But the best kind of love is the kind that makes you laugh so hard you snort—and then remember why you fell in love with this hilarious person in the first place. So this February 14, bring on the funny Valentine’s cards!
While crafty lovebirds might make homemade Valentine’s cards, and last-minute shoppers may opt for printable Valentine’s Day cards, those who appreciate a little humor with their Valentine’s Day celebration know that nothing says “I love you” quite like a funny Valentine’s card. As you browse Valentine’s Day ideas and stock up on Valentine’s Day gifts and Valentine’s Day flowers for your sweetheart, don’t forget to throw in one of these laugh-out-loud funny Valentine’s cards.
I love you with all my butt
You could say “heart,” but let’s be fair: Your bum’s a bit bigger. What better way to express the enormity of your love than with the most enormous part of your body? Folks with a little junk in their trunk will love this oversize card. Inside, write what you love most about your significant other. And remember: You should be complimenting your spouse daily.
You’re the only one I answer the phone for
Why talk when you can just text? That’s how most people feel, but there are those few special people you would never send straight to voicemail. Another way to show your love? Take your sweetheart to dinner at the best romantic restaurant in your state.
If we were monkeys, I’d pick the bugs off your fur
Because nothing says love like delousing each other—but only those truly devoted will also eat the bugs. Ew! On second thought, skip the grooming and purchase one of the best Valentine’s gifts for her instead.
I can’t believe I’m not sick of you yet
This card is perfect for people who want to say “I love you” without getting all gushy. If that’s not you, consider adding a somewhat mushy note inside. After all, good communication improves relationships.
Baby, Yoda one for me
Baby Yoda is everywhere these days, and you can capitalize on his cuteness by sharing this card with your favorite cutie. Forgot a gift to go with this card? You’re in luck. We’ve rounded up some last-minute Valentine’s Day gifts your special someone will adore.
Love you. Love you s’more.
Nothing goes together better than graham crackers, chocolate, and marshmallows—except you and your true love! Not great with words? Write one of these love poems inside.
There’s no one else I’d rather steal the bed covers from
Settle the never-ending war of the bed covers (or reach a steamy truce) with this card. Even better: Surprise your sweetheart with one of these romantic weekend getaways.
You make my arms sweaty, knees weak, palms spaghetti
This Eminem card uses the lyrics from his most famous song to share feelings that those words were never meant to express. Not sure what to write inside? Steal one of these candy hearts sayings.
You are my favourite husband
Why, thank y— Wait, what? Share the fire of your love while sparking a little flame of doubt. Once you’ve set the record straight, hand over one of the best Valentine’s Day gifts for him.
You’re my happy pill
Better loving through chemistry? This cheeky card celebrates love in the time of antidepressants.
Fact: It is Valentine’s Day
With Dwight Schrute of The Office, there’s no flowery language, no complicated emotions, and no wasted words. But in your hands, this emotionless factoid can spell love. Not sure how to spend February 14 this year? Pick your Valentine’s Day celebration based on your zodiac sign.
Still love you
Living together ain’t easy, especially if one of you—we won’t name names!—can’t be bothered to refill the toilet paper. But love truly conquers all, even bad bathroom habits. Hammer home your enduring love with one of these inexpensive Valentine’s gifts.
I love you more than I hate farts
Relationships are all about weighing the pros and cons, right? If you’re looking for something to write in your card, these funny Valentine’s Day quotes will do the trick.
Tinder dates may ask for nudes, but your one true love knows what you really want: noodles. Lots of noodles. After all, the way to anyone’s heart is through great cuisine. Follow dinner with some Valentine’s chocolates, and you’re golden.
Never gonna give you up
Prepare to be Rick-rolled in real life with the lyrics from Rick Astley’s famous-song-turned-Internet-meme. For more laughs, check out these Valentine’s Day memes.
They will never find your body…
Share your love of true crime with the love of your life by gifting this ominous card. But maybe add words of reassurance inside. Did you know about the dark history of Valentine’s Day?
Super sexy Valentines
Ladies know what makes a man truly sexy: his willingness to do housework. Nothing beats a guy who puts his dirty laundry in the hamper and tidies up after eating. Go all in with the humor by writing a few romantic jokes inside.
It turns out I like you more than originally expected
Sometimes love appears in the most unexpected ways! Case in point: These couples who share the funny and unexpected ways they fell in love.
You’re the cat’s pyjamas
This saying is pretty weird when you think about it—until you see a cat wearing pajamas. Adorable! Pajamas make pretty great Valentine’s Day gifts, too.
Scratch to reveal your extra-special present
This seemingly innocent card has a scratch-off heart that will reveal a slightly naughty surprise. Spoiler alert: This funny Valentine’s card is NSFK—not suitable for kids. Do you know these surprising stats about love, sex, and marriage?
Horny for you
Get your mind out of the gutter! We’re talking about a narwhal here. The cute illustration and double entendre make this a funny Valentine’s card your special someone will appreciate.
I promise to always be by your side
And maybe some other places too. Like on top of you. Funny Valentine’s cards like this one are always appreciated, but be sure to write something heartfelt inside. Drawing a blank? Pencil in one of these relationship quotes.
I love you this much
It’s a lot, but considering the arm span of a T-Rex, it’s not too much. Play it cool with this dino card, or go big with a bear hug full of love. Or try one of these creative ways to say “I love you.”
I would have made room for you
There’s no one else I’d rather face the apocalypse with
When it feels like the world is on the brink, pick a card that brings the romance with dark humor. This one works just as well for platonic soul mates as it does for significant others. Pair it with Valentine’s Day gifts for friends.
I love you more than bacon
Not much is better than bacon … except perhaps the true, undying love of your person.
We’re weird together, but it works
There’s a lid for every pot! Celebrate your quirky, one-of-a-kind love with this cute card. Gift it with some Valentine’s Day roses—or whichever plant your favorite weirdo loves most.
I cannot mask my love for you
You know someone really loves you when they let you see them without their mask.
I will always pick you
You can pick your significant other, and you can pick your nose. But you can’t pick your significant other’s nose. (Though we suggest avoiding all nose-picking, at least in public.)
Types of Galentines
We all love a good Valentine’s Day date. The only thing better? A Galentine’s Day celebration with friends.
You are my precious
Your special Lord of the Rings fan will laugh at this card—and maybe back away slowly.
You’re my boo
Want your love to last through this life and beyond the grave? Heed this marriage advice from people who’ve been married more than 50 years.
There’s nobody else I’d rather lie in bed and look at my phone next to
Buy this one for the lover who knows social media scrolling is an important part of the bedtime routine. Tonight, though, paint on some Valentine’s Day nails, slip on something sexy (or at least not sweats), and celebrate the holiday before you get back in bed.
Love without you would be…
Your loved one is just as essential as hand sanitizer these days!
Webster’s Dictionary vs. Urban Dictionary
Let’s just say you want a Merriam-Webster in the streets and an Urban Dictionary between the sheets. This is certainly one of those adults-only Valentine’s Day cards. For the under-aged, go with one of these Valentine’s gifts for kids.
There is no one I would rather raise a dog with
Parents of fur babies will get a kick out of this funny Valentine’s card. It’s high praise, considering how protective pet parents are of their pups.
Of all the weirdos on the Internet, you were my favourite
Anyone who has tried dating apps knows they’re less Valentine’s Cupid and more game of chance. But true love does happen. Get this one for the online date that turned into forever.
I hope your love life is doing a little better than mine
Get this one for your single gal pals to commiserate over how not-great your love life is right now. Then remember all of the other ways your life is rich and full. (Yes, even sans romance.) There are plenty of things you can do for fun if you’re single on Valentine’s Day.
You leave me breathless
You take my breath away. Now hand me my inhaler. Seriously. Buying roses to go with this card? Don’t choose the wrong color! Find out what the various rose colors mean before you buy.
If we can get through quarantine…
Ah, love in the time of COVID-19! But you know what they say: The couple that quarantines together says together.
Say it loud and proud with LGBTQ+ Valentine’s cards. And amp up your romantic celebration with love songs that put your feelings into words.
You’re my favourite human bean
Everyone needs their person. Use these tips for finding your favorite human.
Okay, I admit it…
Maybe you’re not at the “I love you” stage yet, but you can still show your affection with this funny Valentine’s card.
Here is the cheesiest Valentine’s Day card I could find
People love cheese. Cheese is delicious. And this cheesy card is the perfect cheesy pun for your love. For more romance-inspired laughs, browse these love memes.
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