70 Funny Coffee Quotes That Keep the Laughs Brewing
Updated: Mar. 31, 2023
Because good laughs and good coffee go hand-in-hand
Ah, coffee—what would we do without it? It’s a savior in the morning, giving us the energy to take on the day ahead. People love coffee so much that there’s a plethora of coffee puns, coffee jokes and other coffee sayings that perfectly capture its significance in life. Now go brew a pot, sit at the table and enjoy these funny coffee quotes with your cup of joe. (And don’t forget to bookmark these funny wine quotes too!)
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Funny coffee quotes that speak to your soul
1. “Coffee is a language itself.” —Jackie Chan
2. “I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.” —Lewis Black
3. “Never trust anyone who doesn’t drink coffee.” —AJ Lee
4. “Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break.” —Earl Wilson
5. “Smell the roses. Smell the coffee. Whatever it is that makes you happy.” —Rita Moreno
6. “If it wasn’t for the coffee, I’d have no identifiable personality whatsoever.” —David Letterman
7. “To me, the smell of fresh-made coffee is one of the greatest inventions.” —Hugh Jackman
8. “I gave up coffee. It’s almost worse than giving up a lover.” —Sandra Bullock
9. “I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.” —Steven Wright
10. “Life’s too short for bad coffee.” —Gord Downie
11. “No coffee can be good in the mouth that does not first send a sweet offering of odor to the nostrils.” —Henry Ward Beecher
12. “Coffee is my water now.” —Becky G
13. “What on Earth could be more luxurious than a sofa, a book and a cup of coffee?” —Anthony Trollope
14. “Life is just one cup of coffee after another, and don’t look for anything else.” —Bertrand Russell
15. “If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.” —Abraham Lincoln
Think you know all about coffee? Test your knowledge with these coffee trivia questions.
Relatable funny coffee quotes
16. “Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze?” —Jean Kerr
17. “Our culture runs on coffee and gasoline, the first often tasting like the second.” —Edward Abbey
18. “When traveling with someone, take large doses of patience and tolerance with your morning coffee.” —Helen Hayes
19. “I never laugh until I’ve had my coffee.” —Clark Gable
20. “Don’t ever let anyone tell you that fairy tales aren’t real. I drink a potion made from magic beans every day, and it brings me back to life.” —Nanea Hoffman
21. “Coffee, the favorite drink of the civilized world.” —Thomas Jefferson
22. “Coffee first. Schemes later.” —Leanna Renee Hieber
23. “Good communication is just as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after.” —Anne Morrow Lindbergh
24. “It doesn’t matter where you’re from or how you feel—there’s always peace in a strong cup of coffee.” —Gabriel Bá
25. “Coffee is a beverage that puts one to sleep when not drank.” —Alphonse Allais
26. “Once you wake up and smell the coffee, it’s hard to go back to sleep.” —Fran Drescher
27. “I think if I were a woman, I’d wear coffee as a perfume.” —John William Van Druten
28. “Almost all my middle-aged and elderly acquaintances, including me, feel about 25—unless we haven’t had our coffee, in which case we feel 107.” —Martha Beck
29. “I see no purpose in bad coffee, bad wine or insincere friends.” —Edward L. Morse
30. “I need a coffee to go with my coffee.” —Zooey Deschanel
In between sips, check out this handy guide to the different types of coffee.
Funny coffee quotes to share on social media
31. “I’d rather take coffee than compliments just now.” —Louisa May Alcott
32. “I had some dreams; they were clouds in my coffee.” —Carly Simon
33. “They said I could be anything, so I decided to be caffeinated!” —Lizzie Chantree
34. “As long as there was coffee in the world, how bad could things be?” —City of Ashes’
35. “Even bad coffee is better than no coffee at all.” —David Lynch
36. “The powers of a man’s mind are directly proportioned to the quantity of coffee he drinks.” —
37. “Never underestimate the power of a good cup of coffee.” —
38. “Never say no to coffee.” —
39. “You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy coffee, and that’s pretty close.” —Unknown
40. “Coffee smells like magic and fairy tales.” —Allison Czarnecki
41. “It’s never too late for a coffee. After all, it’s morning somewhere in the world.” —Zooey Deschanel
42. “Drink coffee! Do stupid things faster and with more energy!” —Darynda Jones
43. “I hereby arm myself for today with coffee and the willingness to be wrong.” —Audrey Assad
44. “I can’t imagine a day without coffee. I can’t imagine!” —Howard Schultz
45. “It seems to me that trying to live without friends is like milking a bear to get cream for your morning coffee. It is a whole lot of trouble, and then not worth much after you get it.” —
About to grab yourself a cup of brewed goodness? Learn how much caffeine is in a cup of coffee before you pour.
Funny coffee quotes to hang in your home
46. “I have measured out my life with coffee spoons.” —T.S. Eliot
47. “Coffee smells like freshly ground heaven.” —Jesse Lane Adams
48. “May your coffee be strong and your Monday be short.” —Unknown
49. “Coffee: creative lighter fluid.” —Floyd Maxwell
50. “Life is scary without coffee.” —Unknown
51. “Given enough coffee, I could rule the world.” —Terry Pratchett
52. “I would rather suffer from coffee than be senseless.” —Napoleon Bonaparte
53. “Less talk, more coffee.” —Unknown
54. “What goes best with a cup of coffee? Another cup.” —Henry Rollins
55. “Any time is coffee time.” —Unknown
56. “I just want a hot cup of coffee, black, and I don’t want to hear about your troubles.” —Charles Bukowski
57. “You cannot thrash the person who makes you coffee. It’s a rule somewhere.” —Ever After’
58. “I get a couple cups of coffee into me and weird things just start to happen.” —Gary Larson
59. “Bring me coffee before I turn into a goat!” —Johann Sebastian Bach
60. “It’s not until my third cup of coffee that I am fully awake and willing to face the consequences of that condition.” —Laura Bohannan
Coffee enthusiasts: Here’s how to make your coffee habit healthier.
Funny coffee quotes to share with fellow coffee lovers
61. “No matter what historians claimed, BC really stood for Before Coffee.” —Master of the Mountain’
62. “A yawn is a silent scream for coffee.” —Unknown
63. “Coffee and chocolate—the inventor of mocha should be sainted.” —Hour of the Lion’
64. “Just coffee. Black—like my soul.” —City of Bones’
65. “I’ll quit coffee. It won’t be easy drinking my Bailey’s straight, but I’ll get used to it. It’ll still be the best part of waking up.” —Megan Mullally
66. “I like my coffee like I like myself: strong, sweet and too hot for you.” —Jac Vanek
67. “Coffee in England is just toasted milk.” —Christopher Fry
68. “Adventure in life is good; consistency in coffee even better.” —Justina Chen
69. “The second cup of coffee is never as good as the first.” —Theodore Roosevelt
70. “Decaffeinated coffee is kind of like kissing your sister.” —Bob Irwin
If you liked these funny coffee quotes, you’ll love our list of the funniest quotes of all time.
