If you sit down to enjoy a hot cup of coffee, then your boss will ask you to do something that will last until the coffee is cold.
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Coffee Snob
Barista: How do you take your coffee? Me: Very, very seriously.
Up All Night to Get More Coffee
Sleep is a weak substitute for coffee.
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Sad Coffee
Q: What do you call sad coffee?
A: Despresso.
Let It Be
Q: What's the best Beatles song?
A: Latte Be!
Cup o’ Mud
Q: Why do they call coffee mud? A: Because it was ground a couple of minutes ago.
Coffee Timeout
Q: How are coffee beans like kids?
A: They're always getting grounded!
Coffee Thief
Q: What's it called when you steal someone's coffee?
A: Mugging!
Coffee Computers
Q: How does a tech guy drink coffee?
A: He installs Java!
Hipster Coffee
Q: How did the hipster burn his tongue? A: He drank his coffee before it was cool.
Bold Moves
Q: Why are Italians so good at making coffee?
A: Because they know how to espresso themselves.
Juvenile Java
Q: How are coffee beans like kids?
A: They're always getting grounded!
Sky’s the Limit
If the local coffee shop has awarded you "Employee of the Month" and you don't even work there, you may be drinking too much coffee.
New Life Rule
Coffee is the most important meal of the day
Daily Grind
Spouse #1: Honey, this coffee tastes like dirt.
Spouse #2: That's not surprising, dear, it was just ground this morning.
Brew For the Birds
Q: Where do birds go for coffee?
A: To the NESTcafe
My Kind of Soup
Soup of the day: Coffee.
Bless You
Q: What's the opposite of coffee?
A: Sneezy.
Pants on Fire
There are two types of people in this world: People who love Starbucks and liars.
Sweet Thing
Hold the sugar please, you're sweet enough for the both of us.
Ouch!
A man went to his psychiatrist and said, “Every time I drink my coffee, I get a stabbing pain in my right eye,” The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried...
Beatles Brew
Q: What is best Beatles song?
A: Latte Be
Mug Love
Q: What did the barista's Valentine say? A: I can't espresso my love for you.
Cup of Computer
Q: How does a tech guy drink coffee? A: He installs Java!
Hot Stuff
Q: How are men like coffee? A: The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night.
A Hipster’s Dilemma
Q: How did the hipster burn his tongue?
A: He drank his coffee before it was cool.
Prophet of the Break Room
Q: How does Moses make his coffee?
A: He brews.
The Most Heinous Crime
Q: What do you call it when someone steals your morning coffee?
A: A mugging.
The Daily Grind
Q: What’s the technical name for a pot of coffee at work?
A: Break fluid
Oddly Familiar Coffee…
Q: What do you call it when you walk into a cafe you’re sure you’ve been to before?
A: Déjà brew
A Tale of Two Coffees
Q: What did the Brazilian coffee say to the Indonesian coffee?
A: “What’s Sumatra with you?”
A Tall Blonde Walks Into a Cafe…
A tall blonde walks into Starbucks. The barista says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!”
The blonde says, “You have a drink named Tiffani?”
Jumper Cables Walk into a Cafe…
A pair of jumper cables walk into a cafe. The barista sees them and says, “I’m sorry but I’ll have to ask you to leave. I don’t want you starting...
Coffee For Two
A man walks into a coffee shop carrying a big chunk of asphalt under his arm. At the counter he says, “I’ll take a large latte for myself, please, and...
Low-Blow Brew
Q: Why should you be wary of 5-cent espresso?
A: It’s a cheap shot.
The Dangers of Coffee Talk
Q: Why shouldn't you discuss coffee in polite company?
A: It can make for a strong and heated debate.
Knock, knock! (Coffee’s here)
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
A guy that just had 4 shots of espresso!
A guy th—
Now you say, “a guy that just had 4 shots of espresso who?”
A New Word For Coffee Drinkers
New word: Procaffeinating (n). - the tendency to not start anything until you’ve had your coffee.
The truth about Yawning
A yawn is just a silent scream for coffee.
Espresso Express
Q: Why did the espresso keep checking his watch?
A: Because he was pressed for time.
Fresh Ground Beef
Did you hear about the cow that gave birth?
It was de-calf-inated.
The Doctor and the Coffee Drinker
A man visits his doctor for a checkup. “Doc, I think something’s wrong with my brain,” he says. “Every time I take a sip of coffee I get this stabbing...
Not what you ordered
Q: What do you call sad coffee?
A: Depresso
A warm reminder
Drinking too much espresso can cause a latte problems.