Coffee Jokes

Q: How did the hipster burn his tongue?

A: He drank his coffee before it was cool.

Q: How does Moses make his coffee?

A: He brews.

Q: Why do some people call coffee “mud”?

A: Because it was fresh ground a few minutes ago.

Q: What do you call it when someone steals your morning coffee?

A: A mugging.

Q: What’s the technical name for a pot of coffee at work?

A: Break fluid

Q: What do you call it when you walk into a cafe you’re sure you’ve been to before?

A: Déjà brew

Q: What did the Brazilian coffee say to the Indonesian coffee?

A: “What’s Sumatra with you?”

A tall blonde walks into Starbucks. The barista says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!”

The blonde says, “You have a drink named Tiffani?”

A pair of jumper cables walk into a cafe. The barista sees them and says, “I’m sorry but I’ll have to ask you to leave. I don’t want you starting anything in here.”

A man walks into a coffee shop carrying a big chunk of asphalt under his arm. At the counter he says, “I’ll take a large latte for myself, please, and one for the road.”

Q: Why should you be wary of 5-cent espresso?

A: It’s a cheap shot.

Q: Why shouldn’t you discuss coffee in polite company?

A: It can make for a strong and heated debate.

Knock, knock!

Who’s there?

A guy that just had 4 shots of espresso!

A guy th—

Now you say, “a guy that just had 4 shots of espresso who?”

New word: Procaffeinating (n). – the tendency to not start anything until you’ve had your coffee.

A yawn is just a silent scream for coffee.