Newest Jokes

Doggoned Dumb

A sign said, “Do not allow your dog to chase, 
injure, or worry wildlife.” How is a dog going to “worry” wildlife? Run up to a bird: “Hey, I think you’ve got something on your beak. It could be a tumor.”

Andy Kindler


My girlfriend told me to take a spider out instead of killing it. We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a lawyer.

@FattMernandez (Matt Fernandez)

Short on Class

“Don’t worry; I’ll hold your stuff. You just worry about making friends.” 
- Cargo Shorts

@DearAnyone (Artie Johann)

Parenting Is Easy—I Swear!

The biggest change after having kids was putting a swear jar in the house. Whenever I say a bad word, 
I have to put a dollar in the jar, and 
at the end of every month, I take all that money and buy myself a nice steak for being such a cool dad.

Comedian Mark Chalifoux

Duper Man

I wonder if Superman ever put glasses on Lois Lane’s dog and she was like, “I’ve never seen this dog before. Is this a new dog?”


Steven Wright on Tourism

I walked up to a tourist information booth and asked them to tell me about a couple of people who were here last year.

Steven Wright

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