75 Funniest Christmas Jokes for a Humor-Filled Holiday

Make the Christmas jokes rein for a holiday you'll never fir-get.

‘Tis the season of giving, so why not give out a few laughs? Christmas is all about joy and cheer, which is the perfect recipe for some jokes. From Christmas jokes for kids and Christmas puns to Christmas riddles and Christmas memes, there’s enough to keep you giggling until next year. Pour some hot chocolate, gather around the tree, and start cracking some hilarious Christmas jokes. Even the household Grinch will struggle not to laugh.

1. What did the naughty soccer announcer get from Santa Claus?

COOOOOOOAAAALLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!

2. What is the best possible holiday present?

A broken drum—you just can’t beat it!

3. Did you hear Walmart is giving away dead batteries for the holiday?

They’re free of charge!

4. Did you hear about the man who stole an Advent Calendar?

He got 25 days.

5. Why did the scarecrow get a big Christmas bonus?

Because he was outstanding in his field.

6. What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas?

“I’ll never part with it!”

7. Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?

Because it soots him.

8. What do you call a bunch of chess masters bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?

Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

9. Santa and his wife wanted to spilt up, but there aren’t any divorce lawyers in the North Pole.

So, they got a semicolon instead; They’re great for separating independent Clauses.

10. What did one snowman say to the other?

“Is it just me, or do you smell carrots?”

Keep the fun going with these Christmas brain teasers everyone will love unwrapping.

Christmas Joke Snowman Ornament With Carrots Jokerd.com, Getty Images

Double dip with these Christmas jokes and use them as a witty Christmas captions for your holiday photos.

11. Where do Santa and his elves go to vote?

The North Poll!

12. What’s Santa Claus’s favorite type of potato chip?

Crisp Pringles!

13. What’s Santa Claus’s favorite track & field event?

North Pole–vaulting!

14. Why was the snowman looking through the carrots?

He was picking his nose!

15. Why didn’t Rudolph get a good report card?

Because he went down in History!

16. How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?

Nothing—it was on the house!

17. What do you call a Yeti with a six-pack?

The Abdominal Snowman!

18. What is a vegan’s favorite Christmas carol?

Soy to the World!

19. How does the snow globe feel this year?

A little shaken.

20. Who is a Christmas tree’s favorite singer?

Spruce Springsteen!

Christmas Joke Spruce Leaf With Christmas Tree Singer Jokerd.com, Getty Images

21. What do Santa’s little helpers learn at school?

The elf-abet!

22. Why do reindeer like Beyoncé so much?

She sleighs.

23. What is Santa’s favorite kind of candy?

Jolly ranchers.

24. What was Santa’s favorite subject in school?

Chemis-tree!

25. What is Santa’s dog’s name?

Santa Paws!

26. What’s every elf’s favorite type of music?

Wrap!

27. What do you call an obnoxious reindeer?

Rude-olph.

28. What did the gingerbread man put on his bed?

A cookie sheet!

29. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?

Ice Crispies.

30. How do the elves clean Santa’s sleigh on the day after Christmas?

They use Santa-tizer.

Christmas Joke Spray Bottle With Cleaning Santa's Sleigh Jokerd.com, Getty Images

31. What do you call a broke Santa Claus?

Saint-nickel-less.

Celebrate your main man this holiday season with these dad jokes that will induce all the eye rolls.

32. Why did the Christmas tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal!

33. How do Christmas trees get ready for a night out?

They spruce up!

34. What do you get when you mix a Christmas tree and an iPad?

A pineapple!

35. What did the stamp say to the Christmas card?

Stick with me and we’ll go places!

36. What do you call Santa’s little helpers?

Subordinate clauses.

37. Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars?

Their days are numbered.

38. How does a sheep say Merry Christmas?

Fleece Navidad!

39. What do snowmen take when the sun gets too hot?

A chill pill.

40. What kind of photos do elves take?

Elfies!

41. What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?

Claus-trophobia!

42. What is a Christmas tree’s favorite candy?

Ornamints.

Christmas Joke Candy Shaped Ornament With Candy Jokerd.com, Getty Images

43. What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa?

A rebel without a Claus.

44. Why did Frosty ask for a divorce?

His wife was a total flake.

Don’t miss these short jokes that you can pull out of your pocket at any Christmas party.

45. Why does Santa have three gardens?

So he can “ho ho ho”!

46. What do snowmen wear on their heads?

Ice caps!

47. What do you call a blind reindeer?

I have no eye deer.

48. What is Santa Claus’ laundry detergent of choice?

Yule-Tide.

49. What do you call Kris Kringle when he goes on his wife’s health insurance?

A dependent Claus.

50. When Santa is on the beach what do the elves call him?

Sandy Claus.

51. What do elves do in school?

Presentations!

52. What do you call Santa Claus with unfolded clothes?

Kris Wrinkle.

Christmas Joke Wrinkled T Shirt With Unfolded Clothes Jokerd.com, Getty Images

53. Who is Santa’s favorite singer?

Elf-is Presley!

54. What do you call a shark that delivers toys at Christmas?

Santa Jaws!

55. Where do snowmen keep their money?

In a snow bank.

For even more chuckles, read up on some of these bad jokes you can’t help but laugh at.

56. What do snowmen like to do on the weekend?

Chill out.

57. What do you get if you cross an iPad with a Christmas tree?

A pineapple!

58. What’s the difference between Santa’s reindeer and a knight?

One slays the dragon, and the other’s draggin’ the sleigh.

59. What goes “Oh Oh Oh”?

Santa walking backward.

60. What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?

Tinsillitis!

61. How does Christmas Day end?

With the letter Y!

62. Who is never hungry at Christmas?

The turkey—he’s always stuffed.

Christmas Joke Turkey With Stuffed Jokerd.com, Getty Images

63. How did Scrooge win the football game?

The ghost of Christmas passed.

64. What’s the Grinch’s least favorite band?

The Who.

65. What do you call a Christmas rom-com about bread?

Loaf Actually.

Keep the kids laughing all year round with these short jokes for kids that are easy to remember.

66. What happened when the snowgirl broke up with the snowboy?

She gave him the cold shoulder.

67. What’s the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?

The Christmas alphabet has No-el.

68. What do you call a search engine that singes Christmas songs?

Michael Googlé.

69. What do you call a blind reindeer?

No-eye deer.

70. Who tells the best Christmas jokes?

Reindeer. They sleigh every time.

Christmas Joke Reindeer Ornament With Christmas Jokes Jokerd.com, Getty Images

71. What’s every parent’s favorite Christmas Carol?

Silent Night.

72. What do you call Santa when he takes a break?

Santa Pause.

73. Elves use what kind of money?

Jingle bills!

74. What would you call an elf who just has won the lottery?

Welfy.

75. Where would a reindeer go to find her lost tail?

“Re-tail” store.

Keep the laughs going after these Christmas jokes with a funny Christmas movie full of that cherished holiday humor.

Want to bring joy home this holiday season? Check out the best tips and tricks to make your home merry and bright.

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Emma Taubenfeld
Emma Taubenfeld is an assistant editor for Reader’s Digest who focuses on digital lifestyle topics such as memes, social media captions, pick-up lines, and cute pets. When she’s not working, you can find Emma reading corny young adult novels, creating carefully curated playlists, and figuring out how to spice up boxed mac and cheese.