153 Fish Puns That Will Split Your Gills
Updated: May 16, 2024
If you're fishing for humor, you've come to the right place. These fish puns and jokes are a boatload of belly laughs.
With their vibrant colors, flippy fins and aquariums festooned with faux castles and mermaids, fish live pretty good lives. And seeing them makes folks pretty happy, so it’s only natural that there are as many fish puns and fish jokes as there are, well, fish in the sea. (OK, that may be a slight exaggeration.)
Luckily for all you fish fin-atics, we have dozens of puns to give you a giggle. Sea a need for specifics? How’s this: We’ve collected fish puns, puns about other sea creatures and fishy jokes for kids and adults. And if you’re thinking, We’re going to need a bigger boatload of laughs, rest assured that we’re tossing in our best shark puns too.
If you’re fishing for some good puns and jokes, read on for the best jokes in the sea. We promise a flipping good time.
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Fish puns
- Finding a bad fish pun on here would be a real fluke.
- The first book of the fish bible is about the craytion.
- I knew you loved fish, but I didn’t realize how much until I saw your mullet.
- Just like the tuna fish sandwich said, I’ve got a feeling we’re not in cans-us anymore.
- If you’re going for roe-mance, then you’ll want to consider the caviar.
- If you think of a betta pun, be sure to drop us a line.
- That fish is rich and famous, but she’s still Jenny from the had-dock.
- Never fall in love with a blowfish. You’ll always get re-puffed.
- When your fish boss is watching, you’d better look e-fish-ent.
- When a fish meets the love of its life, it says it has “met the gill of my dreams.”
- When a fish tries to make you think you’re cray-zy, tell it to stop bass-lighting.
- Surfing the ‘net is great—unless, of course, you’re a fish.
- Stay safe online—you don’t want to get catfished.
- It’s funny how fish never seem to know what you’re talking a-boat.
- Never try to talk to a fish before it is caf-fin-ated.
- Fish children should piscine and not heard.
- I’m mollusk you one more time to tell the truth.
- This is starting to feel a little fishy. Time to scale back.
- Cod you please calm down? You’re being a reel pain in the bass.
- This scampi happening again!
If you find these fish puns fin-tastic, you’ll want to check out our roundup of the best chicken puns. Trust us: They’re eggs-traordinarily funny.
Short fish puns
- Let’s go fishing, just for the halibut.
- You go, gill.
- Take a perch, and let’s chat.
- Don’t be koi with me.
- Speak up! I’m hard of herring.
- Well, it’s oh-fish-ial.
- Are you just fishing for compliments?
- Oh, for heavens hake!
- I’m classy and so-fish-ticated.
- Cod this be any punnier?
- Is this seat taken, perch-ance?
- The show’s fin-ale wasn’t the bass-ed.
- This is the best plaice to go fishing for puns.
- Stop carping on about your bad day.
- Don’t be so shellfish.
- Let’s all grouper together and figure this trout.
- I’ll school you in fish puns.
- Let minnow if you need anything at all.
- That’s a fin-tastic idea!
- These fish puns are reely kraken us up.
- Something fishy is going on here.
- Oh my cod!
Did those short fish puns give you a good laugh? Tuna in next time for the funniest animal memes!
Sea creature puns
- Hey, shrimp!
- We should dolphin-ately hang out sometime.
- The thing about calamari is you can never tell when it’s just squidding.
- You’re krilling me with these jokes!
- I’m too shellfish to share my fried clams.
- What a load abalone.
- This calamari is ex-squid-sit!
- Someone’s crabby this morning.
- You can’t expect a squid to answer a tough question without inking about it first.
- That’s the thing about squids: They ink too much.
- Phew! We narrowly avoided turtle disaster.
- You don’t need to reinvent the whale.
- Let’s all welcome the new squid on the block.
- Can I be reel with you for a second? I think you’re being shellfish.
- I have more friends than anemones.
- How about we seal the deal on this new partnership?
- Whale, whale, whale … look who the catfish dragged in.
- I swear I didn’t do that on porpoise.
- You help me, I help you. You know, a little squid pro quo.
- I just got my report card. I passed with seven seas.
Are you clam-oring for more puns? We’ve got you covered with deer puns that’ll make your heart grow fawn-deer.
Fish jokes for kids
- Why didn’t the fish get the job?
He floundered in the interview.
- How do shellfish take photos?
With a clam-era.
- What did the genie say when the shark rubbed his lamp?
I’ll give you three fishes.
- What did the fish say when he hit the wall?
Oh, dam!
- What do you call a tuna with no tail?
Rudderly useless.
- What do you call a fish who swims in a school for eight years?
A sturgeon.
- What do fish say on Halloween?
“Trick or trout!”
- What did the sea lion say to the flying fish?
You sure are making a splash around here.
- What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
- What did the fish say after her first day of kindergarten?
That school is off the hook!
- How does a fish know when the party’s over?
Well, it’s obvious when it’s fin-ished.
- Why did the fisherman stop playing the violin?
Because it was out of tuna.
- What did the freshwater eel say to the salmon?
I don’t sea your point.
- For fish astronauts, what’s the final frontier?
Trouter space.
- Which fish has the worst haircut?
The mullet.
- What’s an astronomer’s favorite fish?
A starfish.
- When is it time for a fish to go to an eye doctor?
When it’s having trouble sea-ing.
- How do you get an octopus to giggle?
Ten-tickles.
- Where do fish sleep?
In the riverbed.
- What did the captain of the pirate ship say when he found a stowaway fish?
I’ll make you walk the plankton for that.
Keep the laughs coming (and the kids giggling) with these howlingly funny wolf puns.
The funniest fish jokes
- What do you call a big, ugly eel with a slick, slimy feel?
That’s a moray!
- What did the mommy fish say to the little fish when he was feeling down?
You can do any-fin you put your mind to. Just don’t trout yourself.
- Who is a fish’s favorite artist?
Jackson Pollock.
- Why did the jellyfish go to a protest?
As a paci-fish, she opposed Portuguese man-of-war.
- What did the fish mom say when her fry started swimming in circles before bed?
Cut it out! I’m not squidding with you guys!
- Which fish is the spokesperson on public matters of fish health?
The sturgeon general.
- What happened to the fish who met a scammer?
He fell for the con hook, line and sinker.
- What did the fish say when her husband gave her a sexy wink?
Not tonight dear. I have a haddock.
- What did the fish judge say to the defendant?
We fin you, the triggerfish, gill-ty on the sole count of fish slaughter.
- Have you been herring what they’re saying about the new fish investment account?
It sounds like a great oppor-tuna-ty!
- What did the fish say to the fisherman?
Hold up. What’s your angle?
- How do you say “seize the day” in fish language?
“Carp-e diem.”
- What did the herring say when asked if he knew of a good seafood restaurant?
“I sardinely do!”
- Why was the shark excited to join Tinder?
He heard there were a lot of catfishes on there.
- What did one fish say to another when asking her out?
“I’d love to net together sometime. Just let minnow when you’re free.”
- What did the musical fish say to woo his date?
“I’ll play you a tuna or two on the bass.”
- What did the fish say after hearing her date’s musical number?
“I’m hooked!”
- How did the sweet fish date end?
The fish looked his date in the eyes and said, “Gee, you’re a reel catch!”
- Why were the fish so scared of the crustacean?
He was a notorious lobster.
- What did the sunfish say when asked about her health?
“I’m feeling a little crappie.”
- What did the whale say when he ran out of food?
“I’m kelpless and starving!”
Want a ton more laughs? Check out our collection of elephant jokes when you’ve finished chuckling your way through these fish puns.
Fish jokes for adults
- Who is a fish’s favorite pop singer?
Meghan Trainor because she’s “All About That Bass.”
- What did the fish say when the fisherman asked her for directions?
“Walleye reely wish I could kelp…”
- Why did the fish say they stole a stingray and went cruising down the pike?
We did it for the halibut.
- Where do teen fish go to hang out?
At the skate park.
- What did the boss fish say to his workers?
We really need to maximize our e-fish-ency.
- Can carp o-fish-iate at a wedding?
Yes, as long as they have a certificate from the ‘net.
- Why did the two fish have to “take it outside”?
They were about to have a roe.
- What’s the best way for a fish to get to Canada?
Follow the northern pike.
- When you need a handyman, which fish do you call?
The mantis shrimp because he has his own hammer, and he’s always happy to use it.
- Where can you find the down-and-out calamari?
On squid row.
- What’s the one fish that 40% of Americans are afraid of?
Clown fish.
- Why did one fish slap the other?
To snapper out of it.
- Why do most people dislike anchovies?
Because they’re a little fishy.
- How many tuna does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. They just call an electric eel.
- What did the mollusk do with the concert tickets he couldn’t use?
He scalloped them.
- Where do you put an argumentative fighting fish?
De-beta-bowl.
- What does the salmon always say at closing time?
“Time to lox up.”
- What did the chef say when a salmon asked it for a light?
“I didn’t know you smoked, salmon.”
- What country can every fish trace their roots back to?
Finland.
- What’s the clown fish’s biggest fear?
That he’s not really all that finny.
- Why isn’t the bachelor fish married?
Because he has fin-timacy issues.
If you love animals, you’ll scream for these goat puns that are so baaad, they’re good.
Fish jokes to share with friends
- What did the introverted snail wish for more than anything?
To one day come out of his shell.
- What did the tuna say after the job interview?
Thanks for the oppor-tuna-ty.
- How do you know when something is fishy in the state of Denmark?
When Hamlet’s giving a speech that begins, “Tuna or not tuna, that is the question.”
- What does the walleye say to let you know he didn’t appreciate your last remark?
“Walleye have never been so insulted in my life.”
- What does the bass say when the tilefish seems confused?
“You’ve got that completely bass ackward.”
- How do you know when a blowfish has been working out?
It’ll look extremely puff.
- Why is the cost of living so affordable for bay scallops?
They’re small, so they’re fine with living in an e-fish-ency.
- When do fish stage an intervention for a friend?
When they’ve hit rockfish bottom.
- Who is the most famous fish spy?
James Pond.
- What did the waiter say when the man complained his fish tasted funny?
“But sir, you ordered the clown fish.”
- What did the fish say to his wife when she asked him how she looked?
“Stop fishing for compliments.”
- What’s it called when a fish can’t carry a tune?
They’re tuna-deaf.
- How can you tell that a puffer has had too much salt at dinner?
It looks blow-ted.
- What happens when a fish spends too much time on his computer?
He gets carp-al tunnel syndrome.
- What did one fish lawyer say to the other?
My client’s going to need a minute to mullet over.
- Where do shrimp go for cash in a pinch?
To the prawn shop.
- What did the dentist say to the super-anxious shark?
Jaws relax.
- How do you know you’ve received a sales call from a fish?
When she starts with, “Cod I have a moment of your time?”
- Why do fish try to stay on the good side of king crabs?
If they didn’t, they’d be royally scrod.
Seen enough sea creature jokes? These horse puns will make you whinny with delight.
School-appropriate fish jokes
- Why aren’t there any job openings at the fish company?
They’re scaling back.
- How much money does Gill Gates have?
A gillion dollars.
- How do you identify a great white shark from Scotland?
Look for the kill-t.
- What did the baby fish want to be when he grew up?
A bass-tro physicist.
- Why don’t fish talk?
Because everything’s a big sea-cret.
- How do fish with difficulty hearing communicate?
Piscine language.
- What is a fish’s favorite fast-food restaurant?
Fin-N-Out Burger.
- Why are fish the smartest animals?
They all go to school.
- What did the fish food critic say to the chef?
“This cod be better.”
- What do you say when you get to the end of this list?
What, no more fish jokes? I’m gutted!
Moove over, fish puns! We’re moving on to cow jokes that will make you laugh so hard that milk will come out of your nose.
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Reader’s Digest has been telling jokes for more than 100 years, curated and reviewed over the past 20 years by Senior Features Editor Andy Simmons, a humor editor formerly of National Lampoon and the author of Now That’s Funny. We’ve earned prestigious ASME awards for our humor—including comical quips, pranks, puns, cartoons, one-liners, knock-knock jokes, riddles, memes, tweets and stories in laugh-out-loud magazine columns such as “Life in These United States,” “All in a Day’s Work,” “Laughter, the Best Medicine” and “Humor in Uniform,” as well as online collections such as short jokes, dad jokes and bad jokes so bad, they’re great. You can find a century of humor in our 2022 compendium, Reader’s Digest: Laughter, the Best Medicine. Read more about our team, our contributors and our editorial policies.
Originally Published: May 05, 2021
