Trick or Treat! You Need to Learn These 50 Corny Halloween Jokes

Need to tickle a skeleton’s funny bone? Try one of these.

Q: Why do skeletons have low self-esteem?
A: They have no body to love

Q: Know why skeletons are so calm?
A: Because nothing gets under their skin.

Test out these cheap DIY Halloween decorations that will make this your spookiest holiday ever.

Q: How do vampires get around on Halloween?
A: On blood vessels

Q: What’s a ghoul’s favorite bean?
A: A human bean.

Q: Why did the ghost go into the bar?
A: For the Boos.

If you want more laughs after reading these Halloween jokes, give these punny Halloween costumes a try this year.

Q: Why did the Vampire read the New York Times?
A: He heard it had great circulation.

Q: Why did the headless horseman go into business?
A: He wanted to get ahead in life.

Large Black Halloween Pumpkin with cute smiling face wearing witch hat looking at flying paper bats over orange background.AndreaObzerova/Getty Images

Q: Why do girl ghosts go on diets?
A: So they can keep their ghoulish figures.

Q: Where does a ghost go on vacation?
A: Mali-boo.

If you like these Halloween jokes, these skeleton puns will have you on the floor laughing.

Q: The maker of this product does not want it, the buyer does not use it, and the user does not see it. What is it?
A: A coffin.

Q: What do you call a witch’s garage?
A: A broom closet.

Q: Why don’t mummies take time off?
A: They’re afraid to unwind.

Q: Why did the vampire need mouthwash?
A: Because he had bat breath.

Q: What is in a ghost’s nose?
A: Boo-gers

These are the stories behind those spooky Halloween traditions and how they came to haunt us.

Q: What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
A: Frostbite

Q: How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery?
A: All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.

Halloween decoration concept. Cute smiling black paper bat flying over orange background. Halloween background.AndreaObzerova/Getty Images

Q: What’s it called when a vampire has trouble with his house?
A: A grave problem.

Q: Why can’t the boy ghost have babies?
A: Because he has a Hallo-weenie.

Try out these free pumpkin carving stencils to bring your jack-o’-lantern to the next level.

Q: Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
A: Because demons are a ghouls best friend!

Q: What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire?
A: It’s a pain in the neck.

Q: Why didn’t the skeleton want to go to school?
A: His heart wasn’t in it.

Q: What kind of monster loves to disco?
A: The boogieman.

Q: Why didn’t the scarecrow eat dinner?
A: He was already stuffed.

Q: Why are ghosts so bad at lying?
A: Because you can see right through them!

Read up on these things you probably never knew about Halloween.

Q: When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?
A: When you’re a mouse.

AndreaObzerova/Getty Images

Q: How do you make a witch itch?
A: Take away the W.

Q: Why was the jack-o-lantern afraid to cross the road?
A: He had no guts.

Q: What do you call a fat pumpkin?
A: A plumpkin.

Q: Are any Halloween monsters good at math?
A: No—unless you Count Dracula!

Try out these easy Halloween crafts that your kids will love to make.

Q: How do vampires start their letters?
A: “Tomb it may concern…”

Q: Why didn’t the zombie go to school?
A: He felt rotten!

Q: Which fruit is a vampire’s favorite?
A: Neck-tarine!

Q: How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?
A: You use a pumpkin patch!

Spooky Halloween Concept. Scary skeleton face to face with cute smiling pumpkin. Funny Halloween Background.AndreaObzerova/Getty Images

Q: What do Italian ghosts have for dinner?
A: Spook-hetti!

Check out these things you didn’t know about Halloween candy.

Q: What dog breed would Dracula love to have as a pet?
A: Blood hound!

Q: Why is a cemetery a great place to write a story?
A: Because there are so many plots there!

Q: What do female ghosts use to do their makeup?
A: Vanishing Cream!

Q: What do witches ask for at hotels?
A: Broom service!

Q: What did the mummy ghost say to the noisy young ghost who kept interrupting?
A: “Spook when you’re spooken to.”

If you’re staying in on Halloween this year, here are some great kids Halloween movies to watch.

Q: What do ghosts wear when their eyesight gets blurred?
A: Spooktacles

Q: What would be the national holiday for a nation of vampires?
A: Fangs-giving!

Q: What is a skeleton’s favorite musical instrument?
A: A Trombone!

AndreaObzerova/Getty Images

Q: What genre of music does a mummy like the best?
A: Wrap!

All Halloween jokes aside, don’t forget to be safe if you go trick-or-treating. Here are the best face masks for Halloween.

Q: What does a ghost call his mom and dad?
A: His transparent.

Q: How do you get inside a locked cemetery at night?
A: Use a Skeleton Key to unlock the gates!

Q: What is the name of the witch who lives in the desert?
A: Sand-witch!

Q: What does a panda ghost eat?
A: Bam-BOO!

Q: What is a recess at a mortuary called?
A: A Coffin Break!

Q: Where do ghosts like to travel on vacation?
A: The Dead Sea!

Q: What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
A: Sham-BOO!

Memorize some of these Halloween jokes to get your friends to laugh on October 31, or dress up in one of these funny Halloween costumes.

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Originally Published in Reader's Digest

Andy Simmons
Andy Simmons is a features editor at Reader's Digest.