Trick or Treat! You Need to Learn These 50 Corny Halloween Jokes

Need to tickle a skeleton’s funny bone? Try one of these.

Q: Why do skeletons have low self-esteem?
A: They have no body to love

Q: Know why skeletons are so calm?
A: Because nothing gets under their skin.

Test out these cheap DIY Halloween decorations that will make this your spookiest holiday ever.

Q: How do vampires get around on Halloween?
A: On blood vessels

Q: What’s a ghoul’s favorite bean?
A: A human bean.

Q: Why did the ghost go into the bar?
A: For the Boos.

If you want more laughs after reading these Halloween jokes, give these punny Halloween costumes a try this year.

Q: Why did the Vampire read the New York Times?
A: He heard it had great circulation.

Q: Why did the headless horseman go into business?
A: He wanted to get ahead in life.

Large Black Halloween Pumpkin with cute smiling face wearing witch hat looking at flying paper bats over orange background.AndreaObzerova/Getty Images

Q: Why do girl ghosts go on diets?
A: So they can keep their ghoulish figures.

Q: Where does a ghost go on vacation?
A: Mali-boo.

Q: The maker of this product does not want it, the buyer does not use it, and the user does not see it. What is it?
A: A coffin.

Q: What do you call a witch’s garage?
A: A broom closet.

Q: Why don’t mummies take time off?
A: They’re afraid to unwind.

Q: Why did the vampire need mouthwash?
A: Because he had bat breath.

Q: What is in a ghost’s nose?
A: Boo-gers

These are the stories behind those spooky Halloween traditions and how they came to haunt us.

Q: What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
A: Frostbite

Q: How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery?
A: All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.

Halloween decoration concept. Cute smiling black paper bat flying over orange background. Halloween background.AndreaObzerova/Getty Images

Q: What’s it called when a vampire has trouble with his house?
A: A grave problem.

Q: Why can’t the boy ghost have babies?
A: Because he has a Hallo-weenie.

Try out these free pumpkin carving stencils to bring your jack-o’-lantern to the next level.

Q: Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
A: Because demons are a ghouls best friend!

Q: What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire?
A: It’s a pain in the neck.

Q: Why didn’t the skeleton want to go to school?
A: His heart wasn’t in it.

Q: What kind of monster loves to disco?
A: The boogieman.

Q: Why didn’t the scarecrow eat dinner?
A: He was already stuffed.

Q: Why are ghosts so bad at lying?
A: Because you can see right through them!

Q: When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?
A: When you’re a mouse.

AndreaObzerova/Getty Images

Q: How do you make a witch itch?
A: Take away the W.

Q: Why was the jack-o-lantern afraid to cross the road?
A: He had no guts.

Q: What do you call a fat pumpkin?
A: A plumpkin.

Q: Are any Halloween monsters good at math?
A: No—unless you Count Dracula!

Try out these easy Halloween crafts that your kids will love to make.

Q: How do vampires start their letters?
A: “Tomb it may concern…”

Q: Why didn’t the zombie go to school?
A: He felt rotten!

Q: Which fruit is a vampire’s favorite?
A: Neck-tarine!

Q: How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?
A: You use a pumpkin patch!

Spooky Halloween Concept. Scary skeleton face to face with cute smiling pumpkin. Funny Halloween Background.AndreaObzerova/Getty Images

Q: What do Italian ghosts have for dinner?
A: Spook-hetti!

Check out these things you didn’t know about Halloween candy.

Q: What dog breed would Dracula love to have as a pet?
A: Blood hound!

Q: Why is a cemetery a great place to write a story?
A: Because there are so many plots there!

Q: What do female ghosts use to do their makeup?
A: Vanishing Cream!

Q: What do witches ask for at hotels?
A: Broom service!

Q: What did the mummy ghost say to the noisy young ghost who kept interrupting?
A: “Spook when you’re spooken to.”

If you’re staying in on Halloween this year, here are some great kids Halloween movies to watch.

Q: What do ghosts wear when their eyesight gets blurred?
A: Spooktacles

Q: What would be the national holiday for a nation of vampires?
A: Fangs-giving!

Q: What is a skeleton’s favorite musical instrument?
A: A Trombone!

AndreaObzerova/Getty Images

Q: What genre of music does a mummy like the best?
A: Wrap!

Q: What does a ghost call his mom and dad?
A: His transparent.

Q: How do you get inside a locked cemetery at night?
A: Use a Skeleton Key to unlock the gates!

Share some of these Halloween quotes at your next party to get everyone in the spooky spirit.

Q: What is the name of the witch who lives in the desert?
A: Sand-witch!

Q: What does a panda ghost eat?
A: Bam-BOO!

Q: What is a recess at a mortuary called?
A: A Coffin Break!

Q: Where do ghosts like to travel on vacation?
A: The Dead Sea!

Q: What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
A: Sham-BOO!

For more fun facts, costume ideas, traditions, candy inspiration, spooky entertainment, and updates on how October 31 will look different this year, check out our Halloween Guide.

Reader's Digest
Originally Published in Reader's Digest

Andy Simmons
Andy Simmons is a features editor at Reader's Digest.