40 Nurse Jokes That RN-Believably Funny
Updated: May 14, 2024
Whether you're a nurse or a patient, you'll get a side stitch laughing at these cheesy and clever nurse jokes
Nurses are amazing people. They work long hours in stressful environments and (sometimes) deal with cranky patients—all while delivering loving care with a smile. Their days are as mentally and physically exhausting as they are rewarding. Yet ask any nurse why they do what they do and most will say it’s because they love to care for people. Luckily, having an extra funny bone helps nurses get through the day, making these nurse jokes perfect to share with the RN in your life.
Heck, being able to laugh in any situation lightens the day, whether they are funny dentist jokes in the waiting room, clever accounting jokes while you’re getting your taxes done or witty work-from-home jokes you share on Zoom. Keep reading for some of the most hilarious nurse jokes—from RN puns and hospital quips to health care jokes and more.
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Nurse jokes
- Why did the nurse need a red crayon?
She needed to draw blood.
Submitted by Jen O’Callahghan, nursing student, Lansing, New York
- Why are nurses afraid of the outdoors?
Too much poison IV.
Submitted by nurse Phuong Ly, Stanford Health Care, California.
- What do transplant nurses hate?
Rejection.
- How do you know when a nurse is having a bad day?
She won’t stop needling people.
- What did the nurse say to the man who fainted at the airport terminal?
I think you might have a terminal illness.
- Why didn’t one nurse find the other nurse’s joke funny?
She had an irony deficiency.
- What do a nurse and a wood frog have in common?
They can both hold their bladder for a really long time.
- What did the blood donor say to the nurse?
“I feel super tired; it is such a draining process.”
- What did the banana say to the nurse?
“I’m here to see the doctor. I am not peeling well.”
- What did the nurse say when the doctor decided to stay home?
“Suture self!”
- Why did the robot ask the nurse to call the doctor immediately?
Because it had a virus.
- What did Dracula say to the nurse?
“Please call the doctor. I can’t stop coffin.”
- What did the balloon say to the nurse during a routine checkup?
“I feel light-headed.”
If you’re enjoying nurse jokes but need a quick laugh, these short jokes pack a punch and stick in your memory!
Hospital jokes
- What is it called when a hospital runs out of maternity nurses?
A mid-wife crisis.
Submitted by nurses Anna Tran and Simran Arora, Stanford Health Care, California
- Why does the infectious-disease ward at the hospital have the fastest Wi-Fi?
Because it has all the hot spots.
- Why did Mr. Peanut go to the hospital?
Because he was a-salted
- What did the nurse say to the tonsil?
“You should get dressed, because the doctor is going to take you out.”
- Why are night nurses such bad dancers?
Their circadian rhythm is generally off.
- What did the patient say when the nurse informed him that he had acute appendix?
“Compared to whom?”
- What did the cookie say to the nurse?
” I feel crumby.”
- Organ coordinator: Here’s our list of donor lungs, hearts and kidneys in alphabetical order.
Transplant surgeon: Impressive! It’s very organ-ized.
- Did you hear about the two podiatrists who left the practice?
They became arch enemies.
- What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?
You’ll need to find alternative forms of payment.
- What’s the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
The taste.
Nurses who geek out over science will totally dig these chemistry jokes. They’re tailor-made for those who love a good dose of science humor.
Nurse puns and one-liners
- Acupuncture. What’s the point?
- When you get a bladder infection, ur-ine trouble.
- I caught a cold riding on a carousel. I think there was something going around.
- PMS jokes aren’t funny—period.
- Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. But smoking bacon will cure it.
- I had a neck brace fitted years ago and I’ve never looked back since.
- Whose idea was it to sing “Happy Birthday” while washing your hands? Now every time I go to the bathroom, my kids expect me to walk out with a cake.
- I got really sick after drinking milk with cream. My stomach was churning for a while, but now I’m finally feeling butter.
- Laughter is the best medicine—except when it comes to treating diarrhea.
- Recent studies show patients who have a cold feel better on Saturdays and Sundays. Evidence points to a weekend immune system.
- Don’t mess with me—I get paid to poke people with very sharp objects.
- Never upset a pediatric nurse. They have very little patients.
- My younger brother made so many rash decisions, he decided to become a dermatologist.
- Never try lying to an X-ray technician. They can see right through you.
- A man was wheeled into the operating room, but at the last minute, he had a change of heart.
- I tried to play hide-and-seek when I was in the hospital, but the security kept finding me in the ICU.
Now that you’ve had your fill of nurse jokes, dive into these clever jokes! You don’t need to be a genius to crack a smile at these witty gems.
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Why trust us
Reader’s Digest has been telling jokes for more than 100 years, curated and reviewed over the last 20 years by Senior Features Editor Andy Simmons, a humor editor formerly of National Lampoon and the author of Now That’s Funny. We’ve earned prestigious ASME awards for our humor—including comical quips, pranks, puns, cartoons, one-liners, knock-knock jokes, riddles, memes, tweets and stories in laugh-out-loud magazine columns such as “Life in These United States,” “All in a Day’s Work,” “Laughter Is the Best Medicine” and “Humor in Uniform,” as well as online collections such as short jokes, dad jokes and bad jokes so bad, they’re great. You can find a century of humor in our 2022 compendium, Reader’s Digest: Laughter, the Best Medicine. Read more about our team, our contributors and our editorial policies.
Originally Published: April 29, 2021
