A Trusted Friend in a Complicated World

Thanksgiving Jokes

Start Thanksgiving dinner with a laugh with a side of Thanksgiving humor.

Hold the cranberry sauce and pass the Thanksgiving jokes! Our Thanksgiving jokes for kids, funny Thanksgiving quotes, turkey jokes and Thanksgiving puns will give everyone fond memories.

Sailing, Sailing

Q. If pilgrims traveled on the Mayflower, what do college students travel on? A. Scholar ships.

Doctor at Sea

Q. What did sick people do on the Mayflower? A. They went to the dock!

Thanksgiving Tricks

Q: When do you serve tofu turkey? A: Pranksgiving.

Full Turkey

Q: What did the turkey say before it was roasted? A: Boy! I'm stuffed!

Turkey Have No Manners

Q: Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? A: Because they never learned good table manners!

Thanksgiving Key

Q: What key has legs and can't open doors? A: A Turkey.

Turkey on the Job

Q: Why did the turkey cross the road? A: It was the chicken's day off!

Drive-Through Thanksgiving

Q: What do you call a running turkey? A: Fast food.

Belt Buckle

Q: Why does a pilgrim's pants always fall down? A: Because they wear their belt buckle on their hat.

Harvest Dance

Q: What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? A: The turkey trot

Turkey Search Engine

Q: What did the turkey say to the computer? A: Google, google, google!

Pilgrim Age

Q: What do you call the age of a pilgrim? A: Pilgrimage.

Pilgrim in Pain

Q: What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? A: Pil-grimace.

Thanksgiving Grammar

Q: What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary? A: Pilgrammar.

Turkey Toys

Q: What was the turkey looking for at ToysRus? A: Gobbleheads.

Bad Turkey

Q: What was the turkey suspected of? A: Fowl play.

Stuffed Turkey

Q: What's the best way to stuff a turkey? A: Serve him lots of pizza and ice cream!

Turkey Phone

Q: What sound does a turkey's phone make? A: Wing! Wing!

Smelling Dinner

Q: What smells the best at a Thanksgiving dinner? A: Your nose.

Thanksgiving Attire

Q: What do you wear to Thanksgiving dinner? A: A Har-VEST.

Southern Thanksgiving

Q: How do Rednecks celebrate Thanksgiving? A: Pump kin!

Thanksgiving and Halloween

Q: What do Thanksgiving and Halloween have in common? A: One has gobblers, the other goblins.

No Parents Allowed

Q: What do you call a holiday dinner without the parents? A: Friendsgiving.

Math Pie

Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter? A: Pumpkin pi.

Sporty Pumpkin

Q: What is a pumpkin's favorite sport? A: Squash

Thankful for being human

Asked to write a composition entitled, "What I'm thankful for on Thanksgiving," Little Johnny wrote, "I am thankful that I'm not a turkey."

Thankful for Turkey

Knock Knock. Who There? Thanksgiving! Thanksgiving for what? Thanks giving us this turkey.

Talk About Drained

After a long Thanksgiving Day of eating and playing, my 3-year-old granddaughter asked her mother to carry her. When I asked if her legs were broken, Aislin said, “Yes, they’re...

Topsy-Turvy Turkey

I prepared Thanksgiving dinner for guests from out of town. I cooked for many hours using recipes I’d found. But the turkey, I confess, was not a golden brown. I...

Haunted Turkey

Q: What would you get if you crossed a turkey with an ghost? A: A poultrygeist!

Fowl Play

Q: Why did the police arrest the turkey? A: They suspected fowl play.

Don’t mistake me for a chicken

Q: Why did the turkey cross the road twice? A: To prove he wasn't a chicken!

Turkey Fight

Q: What happened when the turkey got into a fight? A: He got the stuffing knocked out of him!

Locked Out

Q: What key won't open any door? A: A turkey!

If Your Father Could See You Now

Q: What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? A: If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy

The Perfect Weather

Q: What kind of weather does a turkey like? A: Fowl weather!

Dancing on Thanksgiving

Q: What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? A: The turkey trot.

What do you call a small turkey?

Q: If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? A: Goblet.

Already Full

Q: Who is not hungry at Thanksgiving? A: The turkey because he's already stuffed!

Don’t Let the Turkey Near the Dessert

Q: Why should you never set the turkey next to the dessert? A: Because he will gobble, gobble it up!

Phone Call For Turkey

Q: What sound does a turkey’s phone make? A: Wing, Wing! Wing, Wing!

Musical Turkeys

Q: What’s the most musical part of a turkey? A: The drumstick.

Turkeys Love Dessert

Q: What is a turkey’s favorite dessert? A: Peach gobbler!

Turkey with a broken leg

Q: What sound does a limping turkey make? A: Wobble, wobble!

It’s Raining Turkeys

Q: What do you call it when it rains turkeys? A: Fowl weather!

The Key to a Great Thanksgiving Dinner

Q: What’s the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? A: The turKEY.

You Can’t Take a Turkey to Church

Q: Why can’t you take a turkey to church? A: They use fowl language.

Turkeys and Football

Q: What is it called when a turkey fumbles in football? A: A fowl play

Where does a turkey come from?

Q: Fruit comes from a fruit tree, so where does turkey come from? A: A poul-tree.

Turkey Dressing

Q: Why shouldn’t you look at the turkey dressing? A: Because it will make him blush.

Like a Turkey

Q: How are a turkey, a donkey, and a monkey alike? A: They all have keys.

Turkey Feathers

Q: Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? A: The outside!

Turkey Picnics

Q: What do turkeys like to do on sunny days? A: Have peck-nics!  

Turkey Eggs

Q: Why do turkeys lay eggs? A: Because if they dropped them, they would break.

Extra Stuffing

Q: Why did the turkey refuse dessert? A: He was stuffed.  

“Where’s Aunt Florence?”

After Thanksgiving dinner, the adults gathered in the living room to exchange reminiscences, while the children went into the family room to play. Suddenly our hostess noticed that an elderly...

Tollbooth Timer

I worked on a toll road, answering the phone, collecting money and issuing toll tickets. One Thanksgiving Day, a woman called to ask about road conditions on the turnpike. After...

Guest Relations

Our eldest daughter, Ann, invited her college roommate to join our large family for Thanksgiving dinner. As families sometimes do, we got into a lively argument over a trivial subject...

Holiday Heavyweights

The checkout clerk at the supermarket was unusually cheerful even though it was near closing time. “You must have picked up a ton of groceries today,” a customer said to...

Horn of Plenty

When a music student brought his French horn to my shop for repair, he complained that the instrument “felt stuffy” and he couldn’t blow air through it. It’s not unusual...

State Bird

When a Butterball Talk-Line staffer asked a caller what state her turkey was in (meaning how thawed was it) the caller responded with, “Florida.”

All in the Family

A woman in her seventies, cooking Thanksgiving dinner for the first time, called Butterball for help because her mother said she was tired of cooking and it was time her...

It’s a Wrap

A proud gentleman called to tell the Butterball staff how he wrapped his turkey in a towel and stomped on it several times, breaking the bones so it would fit...

Carving the Turkey

A gentleman called Butterball’s Thanksgiving Turkey Talk-Line to tell the operator he cut his turkey in half with a chain saw and wanted to know if the oil from the...

Upside Down Turkey Surprise

A disappointed woman called Butterball’s Thanksgiving Turkey Talk-Line wondering why her turkey had no breast meat. After a conversation with an operator, it became apparent that the woman’s turkey was...

Turkey Help in a Pinch

One caller to Butterball’s Thanksgiving Turkey Talk-Line had always cut the legs off the turkey before putting it in the oven, thinking that was how you had to cook a...

The Best Time to Eat?

"Thanksgiving dinners take 18 hours to prepare. They are consumed in 12 minutes. Half-times take 12 minutes. This is not coincidence."—Erma Bombeck

Keep It Fresh

"Cooking Tip: Wrap turkey leftovers in aluminum foil and throw them out."—Nicole Hollander

Sweeter Than Salad

"Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie."—Jim Davis.

Pour You Another Glass?

"I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage."—Erma Bombeck

‘I’m Stuffed!’

"We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing."—George Carlin

A Scientist’s Recipe for Apple Pie

"If you wish to make an apple pie truly from scratch you must first invent the universe."—Carl Sagan

A Traditional Holiday

“I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.”—Jon...