Dumb and Funny Jokes

Outrageous antics, dumb criminals, and other idiotic lines make up this dumb and funny jokes collection

NEW JOKES

The Dumbest Questions from National Park Tourists

What are the wildest things national park guides…

Test Answers From Smart-Alecky Students

• Q: 
What’s the name of a 
six-sided…

Real Excuses Tenants Gave for Not Paying Rent

• “I have to make payments on my BMW and…

"What Key Did I Sing in?"

After an impromptu song, our pastor asked the…

A Dumb Driver's-ed Answer

My sister didn’t do as well on her…

Spotted on Facebook...

Student: I don’t understand why my grade was so…

Worst Insurance Claims Ever

If you were an auto insurer, would you have paid…

She Must Not've Read It...

While teaching at a veterinary college, I ordered…

Tattoo 'Tude

A friend of mine works at a tattoo shop. A client…

Tickle-Me Manager

My boss was watching a video of his son. I heard…

Hot-Crossed Pastors

When my husband, James Rowles, was in the…

Airman Express

My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his…

Sgt. Nimrod

I was working in Army security when a VIP from…

Piping Up

A Scottish mother visits her 
son in his New…

Is Your Boss This Dumb?

While taking stock of our 
products, I read…

The Egg Corn Game

A few years back, a woman wanted 
to use the…

Mallory Ortberg on Cooking Blogs

Food blogs are rife with pressing questions…

No-sense Sensor

A military base commander called to complain that…

Eggxclaimed in the Office

Employee #1: I wouldn’t eat caviar. That’s…

Bad Work Excuses

Thinking of skipping work? Don’t try these real…

PLEASE Don't Administer Orally

My teenage patient’s mother was concerned…

Which West is that?

“Why did you choose a college so far from…

Snappy Answers to Bad Résumés

Professionals at the staffing agency Robert Half…

Does That Come in Super-Size?

A friend was ordering her meal at a drive-through…

No—I Prefer to Push

Recently, I woke up to find that two of my…

Sharknado Truthers

Scene: A secondhand movie 
exchange ... Me: Do…

Let Minnow

My husband and I were relaxing on lounge chairs…

Well, That's a Creative Answer...

A student seeking a job at our university was…

Come Again, Eh?

Scene: My client telling me what was required for…

Incumbent Imbecile

Recently I heard the former mayor of Reading…

"Oh, and It Doesn't Have Arms or Legs."

A woman called the Colorado State Division of…

Start With a 5K...

One of our interns asked 
another if she was…

Seen on an Online Forum:

“I hate audio correct.” Aaron Fernando…

Malapropisms on Twitter

“Time heals all wombs.” “The seizure salad…

The Scale of The Situation

We were stocking up on 
green beans at the…

Dubious Accomplishment #23

I don’t want to brag or make anybody jealous or…

Idiots Abroad

The British foreign office helps Brits traveling…

Bad Typos in Real Newspapers

We all make mistakes. Some 
are just more…

Yo Quiero a Clean Criminal Record

Scene: Me driving by a Taco Bell. Sign: Now…

Our Office Needs a 3D Printer

Our boss asked the new mail-room guy to make…

Heading Off Criticism

Think the comments on Internet posts are tough?…

"You Need a Shorter Password."

While he was visiting, my father asked for the…

More Idiotic Job Applicant Blunders

We’ve been over this before: 
Stupid…

Virginal Word Choice

The topic of my student’s essay was the…

Bad Soldier Mistakes

It’s important that soldiers 
learn from…

spel chekers

On Facebook, the English 
language has few…

Urine Trouble Now

An irate patient called our 
pathology group…

Sweet and LOL

When my customer ordered 
iced tea, I asked…

Yahoo Questions that will 
Destroy Your Faith in ...

“Can I safely look at a picture 
of the…

Alphabet Soup or Salad?

At the supermarket checkout, the cashier was…

Trappiest Place on Earth

A man won an $8,000 settlement from Disneyland…

Breakfast at Alcatraz

Three prisoners broke out 
of their cells and…

Weird Help Wanted

• Waitress wanted. Must be 18 years old with 20…

Testimony Taken Down by Me, 
a Court Reporter:

Question: Now, to the best of 
your knowledge…

New From the China National Tourism Administration...

The China National Tourism Administration has…

"I Was Only Breaking the Law a Little!"

My daughter-in-law was driving on the freeway…

The Magic Penny

We had just finished tucking our five kids into…

A Woman Went Tanning...

A woman went up to the roof-deck of her hotel to…

There Are Two Sure Things: Taxes, and Excuses

Here are the best tried-and-failed excuses…

A Poor Ex-Spleen Nation

A medical student was told to remove the spleen…

Wanted: Human Torch

Who wouldn’t be inspired 
to hire this young…

State of Confusion

Scene: The office Me: We have to submit a form…

Don't Even Ask About Condiments...

Scene: office cafeteria line Friend: May I have…

Color Me Stupid

A client walked into my design studio with a…

Hold the Presses!

Misadventures in headline writing from around the…

Passive-Aggressive Notes Left for Noisy Neighbors:

• “Hi. Just thought you might like to know…

My Favorite Joke: Penn Jillette

Penn Jillette, the chatty half of the magic duo…

Add Word, Ruin Movie

It doesn’t take much to ruin a film. Sometimes…

A police officer pulled over a guy...

A police officer pulled over a guy for weaving…

Happy Birthday, Facebook!

On February 4, we’ll celebrate ten years of…

The Sorry Saudi

A Saudi prince goes to America to study. A month…

Hut Glut

Sick of having to go to two different huts to buy…

Hope You Like Cheese!

A surveyor drops by Will’s farm in eastern…

What’s the 311?

In New York City, if you have a complaint or a…

Safari, So Good

Two hunters fly to Kenya, where they bag six…

Hunting Trip Gone Wrong

Joe and Dave are hunting when Dave keels over…

Last Words

A business executive visits his Chinese friend in…

That White House is Nice Too

Washington tourist on cell: “I found the house…

Fleeced!

I stayed in a hotel where the towels were so…

A Second Opinion

Lenny tells the psychiatrist, “Every time I get…

This Weather is Hell

Howard dies and waits in line for judgment. He…

The Magic Beer

A man walks into a rooftop bar and takes a seat…

Read The Fine Print

Ad from a printer I will not be doing business…

Good News

Scene: Starbucks. Customer:  Hey, you lost a…

Water

My friend was working at an amusement park when a…

What's IQ Got to Do With It?

Sometimes men don't date women for their IQs…

Lost Dog

An old farmer is inconsolable after his dog goes…

Liquid Ban

Shortly after the FAA announced the ban on…

Going to the Dogs

When our client's dog lapped up anti-freeze, the…

Beyond Our Power

A customer called our service line demanding help…

Menu Item

I’d just sat down at a Manhattan diner when…

Looking for the Problem

As we pulled into the parking lot, we saw a…

Dumb Criminals

A job applicant’s polygraph test for the…

In the Walls

While attending an open house, my wife was taken…

Practice Round

After setting off the alarms at airport security…

Training Days

The U.S. Army Ranger School was more arduous than…

Moving With the Season

Louie and his wife are listening to the radio…

Spelling It Right

Q: What word is always spelled incorrectly? A:…

Smile!

I was driving when I saw the flash of a traffic…

Water Broke

I answered a 911 call at our emergency dispatch…