Dumb and Funny Jokes

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Tiptoe Through The Typos

Gauging from these exam 
excerpts, my college dance students had better stick with pliés.

“The costumes were vindictive 
of the style of dance.”

“I commend Bill T. Jones for 
his acts of true kindness and 

“Dancers must have long limps.”

“At first, I had a hard time 
understanding and interrupting 
his movement.”

“Savion Glover’s purpose is to cross all racial and ethical barriers with his dance.”

Kathy Dubois, Onalaska, Wisconsin

Test Answers From Smart-Alecky Students

• Q: 
What’s the name of a 
six-sided polygon?

A: Sixagon.

• Q: 
What part of the body is 
affected by glandular fever?

A: The glandular.

• Q: 
In The Tempest, why does 
Ariel sing in Gonzalo’s ear?

She’s a mermaid and wants to be human.

• Q: 
In comparison with large 
hydrocarbons, how would you describe small hydrocarbons?

A: They’re smaller.

• Q: 
Who were the Bolsheviks?

A: A Russian ballet company.

From F in Exams: Pop Quiz, 
by Richard Benson (Chronicle Books)

A Dumb Driver's-ed Answer

My sister didn’t do as well on her driver’s-ed test as she’d hoped. 
It might have had something to 
do with how she completed this 
sentence: “When the ______ is dead, the car won’t start.”

She wrote: “Driver.”

Nathan Hellman, Brooklyn, New York

Spotted on Facebook…

Student: I don’t understand why my grade was so low. How did 
I do on my research paper?

Teacher: Actually, you didn’t turn in a research paper. You turned in a random assemblage of sentences. In fact, the 
sentences you apparently 
kidnapped in the dead of night 
and forced into this violent and arbitrary plan of yours clearly seemed to be placed on the pages against their will. Reading your paper was like watching unfamiliar, uncomfortable people interacting at a cocktail party that no one wanted to attend in the first place. You didn’t submit a research paper. You submitted a hostage situation.

Tattoo 'Tude

A friend of mine works at a tattoo shop. A client walked in and got a sentence tattooed on his back. A few hours later, the customer called, 
demanding a refund.

Client: You did my tattoo backward!

Tattoo artist: It’s backward?

Client: Yes! I’m looking at it in the mirror right now!

Source: clientsfromhell.net

Hot-Crossed Pastors

When my husband, James Rowles, was in the seminary, he was invited to preach at a small rural church. However, the man who was to introduce him to the congregation had trouble pronouncing his name. So James 
offered this verbal clue: “Remember rolls, like hot buttered rolls.”
It worked. When it came time 
for the introduction, the man announced, “We are pleased to have with us the Reverend James Biscuits.”

Ruth Rowles, Halifax, Virginia

Airman Express

My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didn’t salute. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman.

“Thanks for coming back for me,” the airman said, jumping on the back of the scooter. “Airmen’s mess, sir.”

Savita Singh, Noida, India

Sgt. Nimrod

I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. Knowing my tough-to-spell last name would give him fits, I said, “Just put down Sergeant Gary, as my last name is too hard.”

The next day, I received a letter addressed to Sgt. Gary Toohard.

G. C., via mail

Piping Up

A Scottish mother visits her 
son in his New York City apartment and asks, “How do you find the Americans, Donald?”

“Mother,” says Donald, “they’re such noisy people. One neighbor won’t stop banging his head against the wall, while the other screams and screams all night long.”

“Oh, Donald! How do you manage to put up with them?”

“What can I do? I just lie in bed quietly, playing my bagpipes.”

Submitted by Noah Jorgensen, 
Silsbee, Texas

The Egg Corn Game

A few years back, a woman wanted 
to use the word acorns. What 
she wrote instead was egg corns, 
and ever since, linguists have had 
a new toy: eggcorns, words and phrases that people screw up:

• Social leopard (social leper)

• Mute point (moot point)

• Skimp milk (skimmed milk)

• Youthamism (euphemism)

Holidays sauce 
(Hollandaise sauce)
Sources: the Eggcorn Database and theguardian.com

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