Jokes

Looking for funny jokes? Settle in: You're in the right place. From clean knock-knock jokes and the top corny jokes to hilarious one-liners and clever riddles, we've got the jokes guaranteed to bring on serious laughs.

Al Gore Music

Q: What did Al Gore play on his guitar? A: An algorithm!

Math Parrot

Q: What did the mathematician's parrot say? A: A poly "no meal"

Book Problems

Q: What did one math book say to the other? A: Don't bother me I've got my own problems!

No Tables

Teacher: Why are you doing your multiplication on the floor? Student: You told me not to use tables.

Math Isn’t Fun

MATH stands for Mental Abuse To Humans.

Daylight Saving in Seattle

Q: What does daylight saving time mean in Seattle? A: An extra hour of rain

Lightening dates

Q: Where do lightning bolts go on dates? A: To Cloud 9

Sleigh Ride Through the Rain

Q: How can Santa deliver presents during a thunderstorm? A: His sleigh is flown by raindeer

A Month’s Worth of Rain

Q: What do you call a month's worth of rain? A: England

Dangerous Precipitation

Q: What do you call dangerous precipitation? A: A rain of terror

A Mountain’s Favorite Candy

Q: What is a mountain's favorite type of candy? A: Snow caps

That’s One Fit Snowman

Q: What do you call a snowman with a six pack? A: An abdominal snowman

Commuting snowmen

Q: How does a snowman get to work? A: By icicle

Snow Kids

Q: What do snowmen call their offspring? A: Chill-dren

The Snowman’s Baby

Q: What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby's crib? A: A snowmobile!

Snow Who?

Knock Knock! Who's There? Snow! Snow who? Snow laughing matter.

The Lying Snowman

Q: What do you call a snowman that tells tall tales? A: A snow-fake!

Math for Owls

Q: What kind of math do owls like? A: Owlgebra

A snowman’s lunch

Q: What do snowmen eat for lunch? A: Icebergers

Talk about a cold seat

Q: What do you get from sitting on the snow too long? A: Polaroids!

Flaky Love

You are like dandruff because I just cannot get you out of my head no matter how hard I try.

Hard to Breathe

You are like my asthma. You just take my breath away.

Computer Crush

My name is Microsoft. Can I crash at your place tonight?

Olive Who?

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Olive. Olive, who? Olive you, and I don’t care who knows it.

Broken Crush

What did the patient with the broken leg say to their doctor? Hey doc, I have a crutch on you.

Dating a Goalie

Why should you never break up with a goalie? Because he is a keeper.

Valentine’s Date

Do you have a date for Valentine’s Day? Yes, it is February 14th.

Vampire Romance

What happened when the two vampires went on a blind date? It was love at first bite.

Tides of Love

What did one boat say to the other? Are you up for a little row-mance?

Tennis Match

Why should you not marry a tennis player? Because love means nothing to them.

Love is Blind

What's the difference between love and marriage? Love is blind. Marriage is an eye-opener.

New Jacket

I was in the shop looking for a jacket to buy my girlfriend as a present. I couldn’t decide which one to get, so I asked the salesman, “If you...

What Men Really Love

I said, “I love you so much. I could never live without you.” My girlfriend giggled and asked, “Is that you talking or the beer?” I said, “It’s me talking...

She’s a Keeper

My new girlfriend works at the zoo. I think she's a keeper.

Love Versus Marriage

What's the difference between love and marriage? Love is one long, sweet dream and marriage is the alarm clock.

Exes

Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

Worrying in Love

Love is telling someone to go to hell and worrying about them getting there safely.

She’s Boss

I like to show my girlfriend who's the boss in our house. I do this by holding a mirror up to her face.

Chosen One

Never laugh at your girlfriend's choices. You're one of them.

New Eyebrows

I told my girlfriend she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

Merry Measure

Q. What's St. Nicholas's favorite measurement in the metric system? A. The Santameter! By Briana, age 7

Berry Ambitious

Q. Where do Christmas plants go when they want to become movie stars? A. Holly-wood!

Celestial Greeting

Q. How do Christmas angels greet each other? A. "Halo!"

Ho Ho Ow

Q. What's red and white and falls down chimneys? A. Santa Klutz!

Oh Deer

Q. Which of Santa's reindeer has the worst manners? A. RUDE-olph, of course!

Snowman Snack

Q. What do snowmen order at fast-food restaurants? A. An iceberg-er and fries!

Sick Snowman

Q. What do snowmen do when they're not feeling well? A. They take a chill pill!

A Holiday Riddle

Q. You find me in December, but not in any other month. What am I? A. The letter D!

Polar Opposites

People act like the North Pole and the South Pole are exactly the same, but really, there's a whole world of difference between them.

Fa La La La La…

Q. What did the peanut butter say to the grape on Christmas? A. "'Tis the season to be jelly!"

“Shear” the Spirit

Q. What's a sheep's favorite Christmas song? A. "Fleece Navidad"!

Festive Sheep

Q. What do sheep say to shepherds at Christmastime? A. "Season's bleatings!"

Pringle Bells

Q. What's Santa Claus's favorite type of potato chip? A. Crisp Pringles!

Lunar Humor

Q. Why couldn't the astronaut book a room on the moon? A. It was full!

Snow-Off

Q. What's Jack Frost's favorite part of the school day? A. Snow and tell. By Joshua S., Lafayette, Ind.

They Love It Deerly

Q. Why do Dasher and Dancer love coffee? A. Because they're Santa's star bucks!

Rolling with Laughter

Did you hear the one about the little mountain? It's hill-arious!

Very Slippery

Q. What's a banana peel's favorite type of shoe? A. Slippers!

Good Night Gingy

Q. What does the Gingerbread Man use to make his bed? A. Cookie sheets!

Don’t Forget the *Bow* and Arrow

Q. What do you call an outlaw who steals gift wrapping from the rich to give to the poor? A. Ribbon Hood.

Techie Christmas

Q. What do you get if you cross a Christmas tree with an iPad? A. A pineapple! By Zoey Y., Flower Mound, Tex.

Plant Pals

Q. What did the big flower say to the little flower? A. Hi, bud!

Sailing, Sailing

Q. If pilgrims traveled on the Mayflower, what do college students travel on? A. Scholar ships.

Doctor at Sea

Q. What did sick people do on the Mayflower? A. They went to the dock!

Merry Xmas

Q. How is the alphabet different on Christmas from every other day? A. There's Noel!

Sporty Santa

Q. What's Santa Claus's favorite track & field event? A. North Pole-vaulting!

Thanksgiving Tricks

Q: When do you serve tofu turkey? A: Pranksgiving.

Full Turkey

Q: What did the turkey say before it was roasted? A: Boy! I'm stuffed!

Turkey Have No Manners

Q: Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? A: Because they never learned good table manners!

Thanksgiving Key

Q: What key has legs and can't open doors? A: A Turkey.

Turkey on the Job

Q: Why did the turkey cross the road? A: It was the chicken's day off!

Drive-Through Thanksgiving

Q: What do you call a running turkey? A: Fast food.

Belt Buckle

Q: Why does a pilgrim's pants always fall down? A: Because they wear their belt buckle on their hat.