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RD.COM Jokes Customer Service Jokes
Customer Service Jokes
Test your sales humor with these customer service jokes.
Customer service: We’ve all been there. Get a laugh out of our collection of call center jokes and funny customer service jokes.
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“Buy Yourself Something Nice, Jerk”
My friend, an intern, was given $50 to get the chairman of the bank some lunch. Told to get himself something, he bought a shirt.
Source: storify.com
My friend, an intern, was given $50 to get the chairman of the bank some lunch. Told to get himself something, he bought a shirt.
Source: storify.com
The Problem With New Jeans
I was at the customer-service desk, returning a pair of jeans that was too tight.
“Was anything wrong with them?” the clerk asked.
“Yes,” I said. “They hurt my
feelings.”
A. P., via e-mail
I was at the customer-service desk, returning a pair of jeans that was too tight. “Was anything wrong with them?” the clerk asked. “Yes,” I said. “They hurt my feelings.”...
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The Mystery Kitchen Utensil…
My collection of vintage kitchen utensils includes one whose intended purpose was always a mystery. It looks like a cross between a metal slotted spoon and a spatula, so I
use it as both. When not in use, it
is prominently displayed in a
decorative ceramic utensil caddy
in my kitchen.
The mystery of the spoon/spatula was recently solved when I found one in its original packaging at
a rummage sale.
It’s a pooper-scooper.
Patty Brozo, Green Valley, Arizona
My collection of vintage kitchen utensils includes one whose intended purpose was always a mystery. It looks like a cross between a metal slotted spoon and a spatula, so I...
Overheard At Our Diner…
Girl: Ick! Why does this sandwich have bacon on it?
Friend: You ordered a BLT.
Girl: Whaaaat? I thought the B stood for bread.
Alyssa Hoover, Dillsburg, Pennsylvania
Girl: Ick! Why does this sandwich have bacon on it?
Friend: You ordered a BLT.
Girl: Whaaaat? I thought the B stood for bread.
Alyssa Hoover, Dillsburg, Pennsylvania
Time Zones Are Hard.
While I was out to lunch, my coworker answered my phone and told the caller that I would be back
in 20 minutes. The woman asked,
“Is that 20 minutes Central Standard Time?”
Jamie Hindman, Lewisville, Texas
While I was out to lunch, my coworker answered my phone and told the caller that I would be back in 20 minutes. The woman asked, “Is that 20 minutes...
One Reason To Buy A Painting
At an art gallery, a woman and her ten-year-old son were having
a tough time choosing between one of my paintings and another artist’s work. They finally went with mine.
“I guess you decided you prefer an autumn scene to a floral,” I said.
“No,” said the boy. “Your painting’s wider, so it’ll cover three holes in
our wall.”
Betty Tenney, Sterling Heights, Michigan
At an art gallery, a woman and her ten-year-old son were having a tough time choosing between one of my paintings and another artist’s work. They finally went with mine....
Design Client From Hell: “Remove That Circle”
Client: Please remove the unnecessary circle at the end of the sentence.
Me: You mean … the period?
Client: I don’t care what you designers call it; it is unsightly. Delete it.
Source: clientsfromhell.net
Client: Please remove the unnecessary circle at the end of the sentence. Me: You mean … the period? Client: I don’t care what you designers call it; it is unsightly....
Why Can’t Coffee Shops Spell Correctly?
When asked for his name by the coffee shop clerk, my brother-in-law answered, “Marc, with a C.” Minutes later, he was handed his coffee with his name written on the side: Cark.
Paul Neelon, Pembroke, Massachusetts
When asked for his name by the coffee shop clerk, my brother-in-law answered, “Marc, with a C.” Minutes later, he was handed his coffee with his name written on the...
Pick a Husband, Any Husband
As the hostess at the casino
buffet showed me to my table, I asked her to keep an eye out for my
husband, who would be joining me
momentarily. I started to describe him: “He has gray hair, wears glasses, has a potbelly ...”
She stopped me there. “Honey,” she said, “today is senior day. They all look like that.”
Rosalie Daria, Cincinnati, Ohio
As the hostess at the casino buffet showed me to my table, I asked her to keep an eye out for my husband, who would be joining me momentarily. I...
Married To The Job
I guess this is what happens after you’ve worked at the same place for a while. I was eating at a fast-food restaurant when an employee began his shift by walking into the kitchen area and calling out, “Honey, I’m home!”
G. M., via e-mail
I guess this is what happens after you’ve worked at the same place for a while. I was eating at a fast-food restaurant when an employee began his shift by...
Weird Questions Librarians Hear…
Before google, there were librarians. Here are some queries posed to the poor, suffering staff of public libraries:
• A woman wanted “inspirational material on grass and lawns.”
• “Who built the English Channel?”
• “Is there a full moon every night in Acapulco?”
• “Music suitable for a doll wedding to take place between a Shirley
Temple doll and a teddy bear.”
• “Can the New York Public Library recommend a good forger?”
Before google, there were librarians. Here are some queries posed to the poor, suffering staff of public libraries: • A woman wanted “inspirational material on grass and lawns.” • “Who...
Honest Brand Slogans
Hallmark: “When you care enough to give a card mass-produced by
a corporation.”
Ritz crackers: “Tiny, edible plates.”
CliffsNotes: “They’re still going to know you didn’t read the book.”
Gillette: “We’re just going to keep adding blades.”
ChapStick: “You’ll misplace it before the tube’s empty.”
Hot Pockets: “Every bite is a different temperature.”
Source: honestslogans.com
Hallmark: “When you care enough to give a card mass-produced by a corporation.” Ritz crackers: “Tiny, edible plates.” CliffsNotes: “They’re still going to know you didn’t read the book.” Gillette:...
Unintelligent Design
Client to designer: “It doesn’t really look purple. It looks more like a mixture of red and blue.”
Source: clientsfromhell.net
Client to designer: “It doesn’t really look purple. It looks more like a mixture of red and blue.”
Source: clientsfromhell.net
Bullseye
Don’t get upset if I ask you
where something is in Target when you choose to wear a red shirt and khakis to shop.
Humorist Reid Kerr
Don’t get upset if I ask you
where something is in Target when you choose to wear a red shirt and khakis to shop.
Humorist Reid Kerr
You Can’t Teach an Old Dog to Fly
A woman called our airline
customer-service desk asking if she could take her dog on board.
“Sure,” I said, “as long as you provide your own kennel.” I further explained that the kennel needed to be large enough for the dog to stand up, sit down, turn around, and roll over.
The customer was flummoxed:
“I’ll never be able to teach him all of that by tomorrow!”
From gcfl.net
A woman called our airline customer-service desk asking if she could take her dog on board. “Sure,” I said, “as long as you provide your own kennel.” I further explained...
Weird Things Librarians Hear
Librarians may be shy, but
their patrons aren’t. Look at their oddball requests:
A patron offered me $100 to steal
a cactus from somebody’s yard.
A patron wanted me to find a
book to teach her dog German.
A patron on his way to the casino asked to rub my red hair for luck.
A patron once asked me for my home phone number so she could call me with reference questions when I wasn’t at work.
Roz Warren, from womensvoicesforchange.org
Librarians may be shy, but their patrons aren’t. Look at their oddball requests: A patron offered me $100 to steal a cactus from somebody’s yard. A patron wanted me to...
Air-Headed
Scene: A radio newsroom.
Caller: I just wanted to let you know you’re off the air.
Host: Yes, we know. The engineers are working on it.
Caller: It would be nice if you put something on the air that says that.
Source: Overheard in the RADIO Newsroom
Scene: A radio newsroom. Caller: I just wanted to let you know you’re off the air. Host: Yes, we know. The engineers are working on it. Caller: It would be...
The Cost of Vinyl
Most of our music store customers have a story about their old vinyl collection. Once, a man asked how much a record cost. My coworker quoted him the price, then added, “But there’s a surcharge if we have to listen to how your mother made you throw out all your old vinyl records.”
Linda Neukrug, Walnut Creek, California
Most of our music store customers have a story about their old vinyl collection. Once, a man asked how much a record cost. My coworker quoted him the price, then...
5 Lies Job Applicants Tell
Gilding the lily is a job seeker’s birthright. Here are a few doozies, where the applicant claimed …
... to be a former CEO of the company to which he was applying.
... to be fluent in two languages—one of which was pig Latin.
... to be a Nobel Prize winner.
... to have worked in a jail when he was really in there serving time.
... he was fired “on accident.”
From careerbuilder.com
Gilding the lily is a job seeker’s birthright. Here are a few doozies, where the applicant claimed … … to be a former CEO of the company to which he...
Confessions of a Store Santa
While I was working as a store Santa, a boy asked me for an electric train set. “If you get your train,” I told him, “your dad is going to want to play with it too. Is that all right?”
The boy became very quiet. So, moving the conversation along,
I asked, “What else would you like Santa to bring you?”
He promptly replied, “Another train.”
From guy-sports.com
While I was working as a store Santa, a boy asked me for an electric train set. “If you get your train,” I told him, “your dad is going to...
Pizza Perils
A Twitter exchange between an angry customer and an apologetic Domino’s Pizza:
Customer: Yoooo I ordered a Pizza
& Came with no Toppings on it or anything, Its Just Bread
Domino’s: We’re sorry to hear about this!
Customer (minutes later): Never mind, I opened the pizza upside down :/
Source: Twitter
A Twitter exchange between an angry customer and an apologetic Domino’s Pizza: Customer: Yoooo I ordered a Pizza & Came with no Toppings on it or anything, Its Just Bread...
8 Days’ Worth
Mary goes to the post office to buy 50 stamps for her Hanukkah cards. “What denomination?” asks the postal clerk.
Mary thinks a second before
replying, “Give me six Orthodox,
12 Conservative, and 32 Reform.”
Mary goes to the post office to buy 50 stamps for her Hanukkah cards. “What denomination?” asks the postal clerk. Mary thinks a second before replying, “Give me six Orthodox,...
Call The WAHmbulance
Honestly, Officer, I wouldn’t have pulled over had I known you were just going to criticize me.
@bridger_w (Bridger Winegar)
Honestly, Officer, I wouldn’t have pulled over had I known you were just going to criticize me.
@bridger_w (Bridger Winegar)
Half It Your Way
The food at the sandwich shop
I frequent is good, but any deviation from the norm throws the staff. I once told a clerk that I wanted only half a sandwich. His reply: “What am I going to do with the other half?” A week later, when I told another clerk the same thing, she responded, “Do you want the top or the bottom?”
Carole Holder, Norman, Oklahoma
The food at the sandwich shop I frequent is good, but any deviation from the norm throws the staff. I once told a clerk that I wanted only half a...
How About a Finger?
An ad for a hedge clipper that
I had to read twice: “A built-in safety switch prevents accidental starting, and blades will stop when you take one hand off.”
Michael Goldstone, Manchester, England
An ad for a hedge clipper that I had to read twice: “A built-in safety switch prevents accidental starting, and blades will stop when you take one hand off.” Michael...
Good Riddance to Dumb Patients
I sent a reminder to a client that it was time to visit the eye doctor.
He called back to inform me that he would not be coming in because, as he put it, “I have a new obstetrician.”
Sarah Parchert, Hoschton, Georgia
I sent a reminder to a client that it was time to visit the eye doctor. He called back to inform me that he would not be coming in because,...
An Ocean of Dumb
A man called, furious about an Orlando, Florida, vacation package we had booked for him: He was
expecting an ocean-view hotel
room. I explained that was not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of
the state. “Don’t lie to me,” he said.
“I looked on the map, and Florida is a very thin state.”
Source: hotelstories.freeservers.com
A man called, furious about an Orlando, Florida, vacation package we had booked for him: He was expecting an ocean-view hotel room. I explained that was not possible, since Orlando...
Expanding Inventory
I spotted several pairs of men’s Levi’s at a garage sale. They were sizes 30, 31, and 32, but I was looking for size 33. So I asked the owner if he had a pair. He shook his head.
“I’m still wearing the 33s,” he said. “Come back next year.”
Sally Thorinson, Ferndale, Washington
I spotted several pairs of men’s Levi’s at a garage sale. They were sizes 30, 31, and 32, but I was looking for size 33. So I asked the owner...
A Horse Of A Different Species
Scene: Horseback-riding stable.
Mom: Those horses are awfully big for my daughter.
Me: Our horses are very sweet ...
Mom: Don’t you have something smaller? What about that one over there? It’s the perfect size for her!
Me: Um … that’s a goat.
From notalwaysright.com
Scene: Horseback-riding stable. Mom: Those horses are awfully big for my daughter. Me: Our horses are very sweet … Mom: Don’t you have something smaller? What about that one over...
Easier Said Than Done
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
From clientsfromhell.net
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
From clientsfromhell.net
An I.Q. Too High To Buy
A scientist tells a pharmacist, “Give me some prepared tablets of acetylsalicylic acid.”
“Do you mean aspirin?” asks the pharmacist.
The scientist slaps his forehead. “That’s it!” he says. “I can never
remember the name.”
Submitted by R. s., via mail
A scientist tells a pharmacist, “Give me some prepared tablets of acetylsalicylic acid.” “Do you mean aspirin?” asks the pharmacist. The scientist slaps his forehead. “That’s it!” he says. “I...
Dumb Clients: A Different Color
Client: The blue looks OK, but it would be great if it was a little more orange. Like “blorange.”
Source: clientsfromhell.net
Client: The blue looks OK, but it would be great if it was a little more orange. Like “blorange.”
Source: clientsfromhell.net
Smart-Asses Work in Restaurants, Too
I phoned a local restaurant to
ask if it was on the north or south side of Main Street. The person on the other end answered, “That
depends on which direction you’re coming from.”
Patricia Thompson, Shawnee, Kansas
I phoned a local restaurant to ask if it was on the north or south side of Main Street. The person on the other end answered, “That depends on which...
Real Excuses Tenants Gave for Not Paying Rent
• “I have to make payments on my BMW and iPhones.”
• “You are too wrapped up in the whole concept of ‘money. ’ ”
• “So ... you’re talking to me only
because the rent’s not paid? Is that all I am to you? A tenant?”
Source: the Landlord Protection Agency (thelpa.com)
• “I have to make payments on my BMW and iPhones.” • “You are too wrapped up in the whole concept of ‘money. ’ ” • “So … you’re talking to me...
Worst Insurance Claims Ever
If you were an auto insurer, would you have paid these actual claims?
“In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.”
“I didn’t think the speed limit
applied after midnight.”
“The car in front hit the pedestrian, but he got up so I hit him again.”
Source: businessball.com
If you were an auto insurer, would you have paid these actual claims? “In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.” “I didn’t think the...
Sgt. Nimrod
I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. Knowing my tough-to-spell last name would give him fits, I said, “Just put down Sergeant Gary, as my last name is too hard.”
The next day, I received a letter addressed to Sgt. Gary Toohard.
G. C., via mail
I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. Knowing my tough-to-spell last name would give...
Chik-fail-A
Scene: My cousin Matt and his daughter at Chick-fil-A.
Matt: Can I please get a four-piece kids’ meal with white milk. [Pause] Oh, and gimme an extra white milk.
Clerk: Um … We only have one kind of milk, and it’s pretty white.
Paul Silverman, Mohegan Lake, New York
Scene: My cousin Matt and his daughter at Chick-fil-A. Matt: Can I please get a four-piece kids’ meal with white milk. [Pause] Oh, and gimme an extra white milk. Clerk:...
Wrong Store, Buddy
Scene: Inside a Best Buy store.
Customer: Can you help me? I’m looking for a shredder.
Coworker: We have all types of shredders. What will you be shredding primarily?
Customer: Collard greens.
Jessica Smith, Peachtree City, Georgia
Scene: Inside a Best Buy store. Customer: Can you help me? I’m looking for a shredder. Coworker: We have all types of shredders. What will you be shredding primarily? Customer:...
No-sense Sensor
A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting
unexplainable wind shifts.
“Do you know where the sensor is located?” my coworker asked.
“Of course,” he responded. “It’s where we park the helicopters.”
Angelo Giordano, Bellevue, Nebraska
A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. “Do you know where the sensor is located?” my...
Actually, I'm a Time Traveler
When I bought beer at the
grocery store, the clerk asked for
my birthdate.
I said, “10-3-60.”
Her next question: “Is that ‘19’ 60?”
David Phenix, Columbia, South Carolina
When I bought beer at the
grocery store, the clerk asked for
my birthdate.
I said, “10-3-60.”
Her next question: “Is that ‘19’ 60?”
David Phenix, Columbia, South Carolina
What are My Options?
Scene: Me using the Siri app on my iPhone.
Me: Siri, call my wife.
Siri: Samantha McLaughlin is not in your contacts.
Me: Samantha Gibbs is my wife.
Siri: I’ve added Samantha Gibbs as your wife.
Me: Call my wife.
Siri: Which wife?
Taylor Gibbs, Visalia, California
Scene: Me using the Siri app on my iPhone. Me: Siri, call my wife. Siri: Samantha McLaughlin is not in your contacts. Me: Samantha Gibbs is my wife. Siri: I’ve...
Airport Insecurity
The head of the TSA resigned after about four years on the job. Here’s how much of America heard the news.
“[John Pistole retired today.] His employees toasted him with less than three ounces of champagne. Then they gave him a gold watch, and he had to take it off and put it in a bin.” —Conan O’Brien, on Conan
“He actually stepped down a while ago, but he’s been going through
security for three and a half years.” —Jimmy Fallon, on The Tonight Show
The head of the TSA resigned after about four years on the job. Here’s how much of America heard the news. “[John Pistole retired today.] His employees toasted him with...
No—I Prefer to Push
Recently, I woke up to find that two of my car’s tires had been stolen. When the police officer arrived, he asked, “When were you last driving the car?”
“Last night at 11:00,” I said.
“And the tires were on it then?”
Jeremy Rice, Englewood, Florida
Recently, I woke up to find that two of my car’s tires had been stolen. When the police officer arrived, he asked, “When were you last driving the car?” “Last...
Sharknado Truthers
Scene: A secondhand movie
exchange ...
Me: Do you have the DVD of
Sharknado?
Clerk: Is that a documentary?
Lynette Combs, Norfolk, Virginia
Scene: A secondhand movie
exchange ...
Me: Do you have the DVD of
Sharknado?
Clerk: Is that a documentary?
Lynette Combs, Norfolk, Virginia
Taken For a Ride
From a passenger of the Vacaville,
California, public bus company:
Dear Sir,
I would like to commend driver Lea
Schroeder for the following reasons:
1. She frequently doesn’t stop for me when I’m waiting at the bus stop, but she always waves as she goes by.
2. If she’s running behind, she tells me, “Sit your butt down,” in a courteous way.
3. She nearly comes to a complete stop now when I disembark, so I haven’t fallen in almost a week.
4. Although she usually gives me
wrong instructions on which bus to
take, I enjoy riding all around Vacaville on the different routes.
5. The way she suddenly starts and stops, rides the rear bumper of the car ahead, and pulls several Gs of force when she turns corners unfailingly
elevates my heart rate. This has obvious health benefits.
Once again, I would like to commend Lea Schroeder for her outstanding work.
Sincerely yours,
Robert V.
From Lea Schroeder, Vacaville, California, a bus driver with a great sense of humor
From a passenger of the Vacaville, California, public bus company: Dear Sir, I would like to commend driver Lea Schroeder for the following reasons: 1. She frequently doesn’t stop for...
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Come Again, Eh?
Scene: My client telling me what was required for the project.
Client: “We want a total of eight
languages—English, French, Spanish, Canadian ...”
Source: clientsfromhell.net
Scene: My client telling me what was required for the project.
Client: “We want a total of eight
languages—English, French, Spanish, Canadian ...”
Source: clientsfromhell.net
"Oh, and It Doesn't Have Arms or Legs."
A woman called the Colorado State Division of Wildlife regarding a snake in her backyard. “Can you tell me what kind it is?” she asked.
“Can you describe it?” I asked.
“Yes,” she said. “It’s long and thin.”
Charles Loeffler, Monument, Colorado
A woman called the Colorado State Division of Wildlife regarding a snake in her backyard. “Can you tell me what kind it is?” she asked. “Can you describe it?” I...
IT’S CLASSIFIED
Just because the items in these classified ads are free doesn’t mean they’re worth it:
• Free: Piano with matching bench seat, very good condition, all keys work probably
Source: Gettysburg Area Merchandiser
• Free: 5 kitchen drawers, all matching naughty pine fronts
Source: Topeka Capital-Journal
• Free Vain Screening
Source: Boston Globe
• Free rent in exchange for elderly woman
Source: 11points.com
Submitted by James Hutchinson, Carroll Valley, Pennsylvania; Faith Adams, Topeka, Kansas; Annetta Boisselle, Melrose, Massachusetts
Just because the items in these classified ads are free doesn’t mean they’re worth it: • Free: Piano with matching bench seat, very good condition, all keys work probably Source:...
The Scale of The Situation
We were stocking up on
green beans at the farmers’ market when we asked the young girl
helping us for 15 pounds’ worth.
“I can only sell you ten pounds of beans,” she said.
“Why?” I asked.
“Because my scale only goes up to ten pounds.”
Kerri Ingle, Shelby, Ohio
We were stocking up on green beans at the farmers’ market when we asked the young girl helping us for 15 pounds’ worth. “I can only sell you ten pounds...
Department of Manic Voices
The DMV was as crowded and noisy as ever. When I finally got to the
window, I asked the clerk, “Does the never-ending line of loud people ever drive you crazy?”
She shook her head. “We call it job security.”
Alan Cliburn, Van Nuys, California
The DMV was as crowded and noisy as ever. When I finally got to the window, I asked the clerk, “Does the never-ending line of loud people ever drive you...
Yo Quiero a Clean Criminal Record
Scene: Me driving by a Taco Bell.
Sign: Now Hiring Managers.
[Two weeks later …]
Sign: Now Hiring Managers. Background Checks Required.
From notalwaysworking.com
Scene: Me driving by a Taco Bell.
Sign: Now Hiring Managers.
[Two weeks later …]
Sign: Now Hiring Managers. Background Checks Required.
From notalwaysworking.com
Urine Trouble Now
An irate patient called our
pathology group, demanding that
I explain every lab test on her statement. “Of course,” I said. I brought up her bill: “Number one, urinalysis …”
She interrupted me: “I’m a what?!”
—From gcfl.net
An irate patient called our pathology group, demanding that I explain every lab test on her statement. “Of course,” I said. I brought up her bill: “Number one, urinalysis …”...
Sweet and LOL
When my customer ordered
iced tea, I asked, “Sweetened or
unsweetened?”
Her answer: “What’s the difference?”
Ruth Anne Pluckhorn, Moorestown, New Jersey
When my customer ordered
iced tea, I asked, “Sweetened or
unsweetened?”
Her answer: “What’s the difference?”
Ruth Anne Pluckhorn, Moorestown, New Jersey
Bad Soup
The bean soup I’d ordered was mostly water. I decided to tell the waitress.
“This soup is awful,” I said.
“I know,” she said. “I don’t like bean soup either.”
submitted by reader J. M.
The bean soup I’d ordered was mostly water. I decided to tell the waitress. “This soup is awful,” I said. “I know,” she said. “I don’t like bean soup either.”...
Barbershop Blunders
The barbershop was crowded,
so the woman at the cash register
offered to put my name on the
waiting list. “What is it?” she asked.
“Stephen, with a P-H,” I said.
Minutes later, a chair opened up, and my name was called: “Pheven?”
Stephen Hudson, Falmouth, Maine
The barbershop was crowded, so the woman at the cash register offered to put my name on the waiting list. “What is it?” she asked. “Stephen, with a P-H,” I...
How Many Telemarketers…
Q: How many telemarketers does it take to change a light-bulb?
A: Only one, but she has to do
it while you’re eating dinner.
Q: How many telemarketers does it take to change a light-bulb?
A: Only one, but she has to do
it while you’re eating dinner.
Store Hours Are Never
Today, my 808 area code phone number has yet again been mistaken for a 1-800 number. I’ve been getting phone calls at three in the morning from people on the East Coast trying to return their shoes. Even worse, they end up wanting to speak to my supervisor because I “don’t sound professional enough.”
From fmylife.com
Today, my 808 area code phone number has yet again been mistaken for a 1-800 number. I’ve been getting phone calls at three in the morning from people on the...
Did You Feel It?
I discovered that I’d spent an hour walking around a mall with a shoe store’s “Feel the Comfort” sticker stuck to my body. More humiliating? It was attached to my left breast.
Debbie Skolnik, Scarsdale, New York
I discovered that I’d spent an hour walking around a mall with a shoe store’s “Feel the Comfort” sticker stuck to my body. More humiliating? It was attached to my...
The Only Qualification…
The only qualification for working at an airline is making
a confused face at a monitor.
Comedian Julius Sharpe
The only qualification for working at an airline is making
a confused face at a monitor.
Comedian Julius Sharpe
Alphabet Soup or Salad?
At the supermarket checkout, the cashier was having trouble finding the price for my cucumber.
“Maybe the list is alphabetical,”
I offered.
So he started searching from the bottom of the list: “Q … Q … Q …”
Charity McTarsney, Deltona, Florida
At the supermarket checkout, the cashier was having trouble finding the price for my cucumber. “Maybe the list is alphabetical,” I offered. So he started searching from the bottom of...
Photographic Evidence
A customer walked up to my
bank window and asked me to cash
a check.
“Of course,” I said. “But I’ll need to see ID.”
She dug though her purse and handed me a snapshot.
“That’s me in the middle,” she said.
Deborah Berkley, Yakima, Washington
A customer walked up to my bank window and asked me to cash a check. “Of course,” I said. “But I’ll need to see ID.” She dug though her purse...
Fax To The Future
One of my insurance customers faxed over the police report from
an auto accident. Several weeks later, she called asking for information from that report.
“Didn’t you keep the original copy?” I asked.
“No,” she said. “I faxed it to you.”
Sherri Smith, Carrollton, Texas
One of my insurance customers faxed over the police report from an auto accident. Several weeks later, she called asking for information from that report. “Didn’t you keep the original...
Bitter? No!
Not the people who posted this sign at a bookstore that was going out of business: “Sorry, no public restroom. Try amazon.com.”
Source: Consumer Reports
Not the people who posted this sign at a bookstore that was going out of business: “Sorry, no public restroom. Try amazon.com.”
Source: Consumer Reports
A Sale-A-Day Keeps Quality at Bay
I think I’ve finally decoded the
language of sale-a-day websites:
Statement jewelry = large and ugly
Lots of personality = odd and ugly
Cutting-edge = disturbing and ugly
Debbie Skolnik, Scarsdale, New York
I think I’ve finally decoded the language of sale-a-day websites: Statement jewelry = large and ugly Lots of personality = odd and ugly Cutting-edge = disturbing and ugly Debbie Skolnik,...
Business Signs of The Times:
Spotted on a restaurant’s website: “Glutton-free menu available.”
Emily Payne, Greenville, South Carolina
Seen on a New York City subway poster: “Se habla Español/Russian.”
Aaron Fernando, Richmond Hill, New York
Read off a pharmacy marquee: “We sell beer & wine! We can flavor your child’s liquid Rx!”
Source: Consumer Reports
Spotted on a restaurant’s website: “Glutton-free menu available.” Emily Payne, Greenville, South Carolina Seen on a New York City subway poster: “Se habla Español/Russian.” Aaron Fernando, Richmond Hill, New York...
There is Such Thing as a Dumb Question
There is No Such Thing as a Dumb Question, Except for These:
• I work in IT. A customer asked me if a string of numbers I'd read off was upper- or lowercase.
• Someone once asked, “Is this the museum?” I work at a pool.
• A few of the things customers have asked for at our art-supply store include disco balls, trees, and crucifixion wood.
• I'm a butcher. A woman asked if she could sleep in our freezer to test out a heavy-duty sleeping bag before a trip to the Himalayas.
Source: reddit.com
There is No Such Thing as a Dumb Question, Except for These: • I work in IT. A customer asked me if a string of numbers I’d read off was...
New From the China National Tourism Administration…
The China National Tourism Administration has created tips for its citizens when traveling abroad, including:
• Don’t steal life vests from airplanes to give as gifts.
• Don’t leave footprints on the toilet.
• Don’t dry your underwear on lampshades.
Source: list25.com
The China National Tourism Administration has created tips for its citizens when traveling abroad, including: • Don’t steal life vests from airplanes to give as gifts. • Don’t leave footprints...
Every Time I Say That…
Every time I say that I’m ready to order in a restaurant, what I really mean is that I’m not ready but the panic will help me make a decision.
@adamhess1
Every time I say that I’m ready to order in a restaurant, what I really mean is that I’m not ready but the panic will help me make a decision....
Coversation With A Customer-Service Representative:
Me: I have a Roundup Multi Purpose Sprayer that is defective.
Customer Rep: Ma’am, we’ll need the exact name of the item. Do you have the box?
Me: No, but it’s the Roundup Multi Purpose Sprayer.
Customer Rep: Ma’am, we’ll need the box so we can have the exact name of the product.
Me: Hold on. I’ll run out to my garage and get the box. [Long pause ... ]
OK ... [huff ... puff] I have it. It says ... Roundup Multi Purpose Sprayer.
Customer Rep: Thank you for that information, ma’am.
—Linda Mowry, Midlothian, Virginia
Me: I have a Roundup Multi Purpose Sprayer that is defective. Customer Rep: Ma’am, we’ll need the exact name of the item. Do you have the box? Me: No, but...
The Dead Man And The Cobbler…
While going through his
deceased father’s things, a man finds a 25-year-old claim check for a shoe repair. Curious, he goes to the store and hands the owner the ticket.
The owner goes to the back and then
reappears. “Good news,” he says. “They’ll be ready next Friday.”
Submitted by Ronald Moore,
Charlevoix, Michigan
While going through his deceased father’s things, a man finds a 25-year-old claim check for a shoe repair. Curious, he goes to the store and hands the owner the ticket....
Read The Fine Print
Ad from a printer I will not be doing business with: “We offer a full line of pricing options that will meet or exceed your printing budget.”
—Rachel Wagner, Bixby, Oklahoma
Ad from a printer I will not be doing business with: “We offer a full line of pricing options that will meet or exceed your printing budget.” —Rachel Wagner, Bixby,...
Idiot of The Month
I ordered a foot-long sandwich from a take-out restaurant and asked the clerk to cut it into fourths. “I’m sorry, I can’t,” she said. “I already cut it in half.”
—Christine Smart, Dayton, Ohio
I ordered a foot-long sandwich from a take-out restaurant and asked the clerk to cut it into fourths. “I’m sorry, I can’t,” she said. “I already cut it in half.”...