A friend took her son to the doctor’s office after he sprained his finger. The nurse applied a splint, only to be told she’d put it on the wrong finger....

# Math Jokes

## Get your class excited with these math jokes for kids and number jokes make learning fun!

Was math your favorite subject? Our funny math jokes and math puns including fraction jokes, Pi jokes and calculus jokes will get you excited for class.

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### The Plot Thickens

Never trust math teachers who use graph paper. They're always plotting something.

Never trust math teachers who use graph paper. They're always plotting something.

### Math Buddies

Q: What do you call friends who love math? A: algebros

Q: What do you call friends who love math? A: algebros

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### Wandering Numbers

Q: What do you call a number that can't keep still? A: A roamin' numeral.

Q: What do you call a number that can't keep still? A: A roamin' numeral.

### Smaller Waist

Q: What does the zero say to the eight? A: Nice belt!

Q: What does the zero say to the eight? A: Nice belt!

### Christmas Calculation

Q: How is an artificial Christmas tree like the fourth root of -68? A: Neither has real roots.

Q: How is an artificial Christmas tree like the fourth root of -68? A: Neither has real roots.

### Number’s Lunch

Q: Why did the two 4's skip lunch? A: They already 8 (ate)!

Q: Why did the two 4's skip lunch? A: They already 8 (ate)!

### Middle School Math

Q: What do you get if you add two apples and three apples? A: A middle school math problem!

Q: What do you get if you add two apples and three apples? A: A middle school math problem!

### Math Discipline

Q: How does a mathematician induce good behavior in her children? A: `I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times...'

Q: How does a mathematician induce good behavior in her children? A: `I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times...'

### Math Professor Voice-Mail

Q: How do you know when you've reached your Math Professors voice-mail? A: The message is "The number you have dialed is imaginary. Please, rotate your phone by 90 degrees and try again..."

Q: How do you know when you’ve reached your Math Professors voice-mail? A: The message is “The number you have dialed is imaginary. Please, rotate your phone by 90 degrees...

### 2 Fast

Q: What did 2 say to 4 after 2 beat him in a race? A: 2 Fast 4 U!

Q: What did 2 say to 4 after 2 beat him in a race? A: 2 Fast 4 U!

### Al Gore Music

Q: What did Al Gore play on his guitar? A: An algorithm!

Q: What did Al Gore play on his guitar? A: An algorithm!

### Math Parrot

Q: What did the mathematician's parrot say? A: A poly "no meal"

Q: What did the mathematician's parrot say? A: A poly "no meal"

### Book Problems

Q: What did one math book say to the other? A: Don't bother me I've got my own problems!

Q: What did one math book say to the other? A: Don't bother me I've got my own problems!

### No Tables

Teacher: Why are you doing your multiplication on the floor? Student: You told me not to use tables.

Teacher: Why are you doing your multiplication on the floor? Student: You told me not to use tables.

### Math Isn’t Fun

MATH stands for Mental Abuse To Humans.

MATH stands for Mental Abuse To Humans.

### Halloween Math

Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter? A: Pumpkin pi

Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter? A: Pumpkin pi

### Margin of Error

Here’s some advice: At a job
interview, tell them you’re willing to give 110 percent. Unless the job is a statistician.

*Comedian Adam Gropman* Here’s some advice: At a job
interview, tell them you’re willing to give 110 percent. Unless the job is a statistician.

*Comedian Adam Gropman*### The Calculating Sheepdog

After a talking sheepdog gets all the sheep in the pen, he reports back to the farmer: “All 40 accounted for.” “But I only have 36 sheep,” says the farmer. “I know,” says the sheepdog. “But I rounded them up.”

*Submitted by Norie Bloom, Honolulu, Hawaii* After a talking sheepdog gets all the sheep in the pen, he reports back to the farmer: “All 40 accounted for.” “But I only have 36 sheep,” says the farmer....

### An I.Q. Too High To Buy

A scientist tells a pharmacist, “Give me some prepared tablets of acetylsalicylic acid.” “Do you mean aspirin?” asks the pharmacist. The scientist slaps his forehead. “That’s it!” he says. “I can never
remember the name.”

*Submitted by R. s., via mail* A scientist tells a pharmacist, “Give me some prepared tablets of acetylsalicylic acid.” “Do you mean aspirin?” asks the pharmacist. The scientist slaps his forehead. “That’s it!” he says. “I...

### Steer Clear of this Joke

A farmer counted 196 cows in
the field. But when he rounded them up, he had 200.

A farmer counted 196 cows in
the field. But when he rounded them up, he had 200.

### Zero Sum Puns

The problem with math puns is that calculus jokes are all derivative, trigonometry jokes are too graphic, algebra jokes are usually formulaic, and arithmetic jokes are pretty basic. But I guess the occasional statistics joke is an outlier.

*Submitted by Denis Everett, Coronado, California* The problem with math puns is that calculus jokes are all derivative, trigonometry jokes are too graphic, algebra jokes are usually formulaic, and arithmetic jokes are pretty basic. But I...

### Professors Define a Kiss

**In math:**Two divided by nothing.

**In physics:**The contraction of the mouth due to the expansion of the heart.

**In accounting:**It’s a credit, because it is profitable when returned.

**In economics:**A thing for which the demand is higher than the supply.

**In dentistry:**It’s infectious and antiseptic.

*From gcfl.net*

In math: Two divided by nothing. In physics: The contraction of the mouth due to the expansion of the heart. In accounting: It’s a credit, because it is profitable when...

### Hear About the Statistician…

Hear about the statistician
who drowned crossing a river? It
was three feet deep on average.

Hear about the statistician
who drowned crossing a river? It
was three feet deep on average.

### A Joke of Little Value…

Q: Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? A: He will stop at nothing to avoid them.

Q: Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? A: He will stop at nothing to avoid them.

### A Genius Solution

I put my root beer in a square glass. Now it's just beer.

I put my root beer in a square glass. Now it's just beer.

### Why Should 288…

Q: Why should the number 288 never be mentioned? A: It's two gross.

Q: Why should the number 288 never be mentioned? A: It's two gross.

### Why do Mathematicians…

Q: Why do mathematicians like parks? A: Because of all the natural logs.

Q: Why do mathematicians like parks? A: Because of all the natural logs.

### Noah and the Snakes

With the Ark settled safely after the flood, Noah opens the doors and commands the animals, “Go forth and multiply!” All the animals depart the Ark, except for two snakes in the back. Noah proclaims again, “Go forth and multiply,” yet the snakes stay put. Perturbed, Noah finally asks them, “Why have you not followed my command?” The snakes flicker their tongues and answer, “We can’t multiply, Noah—we’re Adders.”

With the Ark settled safely after the flood, Noah opens the doors and commands the animals, “Go forth and multiply!” All the animals depart the Ark, except for two snakes...

### What do You Call a Number…

Q: What do you call a number that can't keep still? A: A roamin' numeral.

Q: What do you call a number that can't keep still? A: A roamin' numeral.

### The House Problem

A physicist, a biologist and a mathematician are sitting on a bench, watching people entering and leaving the house on the other side of the street. First they see two people enter the house; A while later, they watch three people leave the house. The physicist says, "The initial measurement wasn't accurate." The biologist counters, "They must have reproduced." Finally, the mathematician suggests, "If one more person enters the house, then it will be empty again."

A physicist, a biologist and a mathematician are sitting on a bench, watching people entering and leaving the house on the other side of the street. First they see two...

### An Average Joke

Q: Did you hear the one about the statistician? A: Probably.

Q: Did you hear the one about the statistician? A: Probably.

### Vice President of Rock

Q: What did Al Gore play on his guitar? A: An Algorithm

Q: What did Al Gore play on his guitar? A: An Algorithm

### Invariable Consequences

Q: How do mathematicians scold their children? A: "If I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times..."

Q: How do mathematicians scold their children? A: "If I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times..."

### Chicken Strips

Q: Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip? A: To get to the same side.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip? A: To get to the same side.

### Solve for XX

Q: Why don’t Calculus majors throw house parties? A: Because you should never drink and derive.

Q: Why don’t Calculus majors throw house parties? A: Because you should never drink and derive.

### The Engineer, the Physicist, and the Mathematician

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are staying in a hotel. The engineer wakes up and smells smoke. He goes out into the hallway and sees a fire, so he fills a trashcan from his room with water and douses the fire. He goes back to bed. Later, the physicist wakes up and smells smoke. He opens his door and sees a fire in the hallway. He walks down the hall to a fire hose and after calculating the flame velocity, distance, water pressure, trajectory, etc. extinguishes the fire with the minimum amount of water and energy needed. Later, the mathematician wakes up and smells smoke. He goes to the hall, sees the fire and then the fire hose. He thinks for a moment and then exclaims, "Ah, a solution exists!" and then goes back to bed.

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are staying in a hotel. The engineer wakes up and smells smoke. He goes out into the hallway and sees a fire, so...

### Infinitely Many Mathematicians…

Infinitely many mathematicians walk into a bar.
The first says, "I'll have a beer."
The second says, "I'll have half a beer."
The third says, "I'll have a quarter of a beer."
Before anyone else can speak, the barman fills up exactly two glasses of beer and serves them. "Come on, now,” he says to the group, “You guys have got to learn your limits.”

Infinitely many mathematicians walk into a bar. The first says, “I’ll have a beer.” The second says, “I’ll have half a beer.” The third says, “I’ll have a quarter of...

### Law of Diminishing Returns

Old mathematicians never die; they just lose some of their functions.

Old mathematicians never die; they just lose some of their functions.

### An Equation for Disaster

Why should you not mix alcohol and calculus? Because you should never drink and derive.

Why should you not mix alcohol and calculus? Because you should never drink and derive.