Bad Puns

Groan out loud with these bad jokes and puns!

Everyone loves a bad pun. But what is a pun? A good definition of a pun is a play on words, where a jokester mixes up two words that are similar but have different meanings. Here are some really bad puns and pun examples that make everyone groan.

Corny Pirate Humor

Q. How much money does a pirate pay for corn? A. A buccaneer.

Way With Words

Don't interrupt someone working intently on a puzzle. Chances are, you'll hear some crosswords.

Mark It Up

I'm a big fan of whiteboards. I find them quite re-markable.

Beat in Battle

Q. Why was King Arthur's army too tired to fight? A. It had too many sleepless knights.

Population Pun

Q. Which country's capital has the fastest-growing population? A. Ireland. Every day it's Dublin.

France’s Favorite Game

I asked my French friend if she likes to play video games. She said, "Wii."

Clown Courtesy

Yesterday, a clown held the door open for me. It was such a nice jester!

Non-cents-ical

The machine at the coin factory just suddenly stopped working, with no explanation. It doesn't make any cents!

Time On My Side

I was going to make myself a belt made out of watches, but then I realized it would be a waist of time.

Fixer Upper

Did you hear about the auto body shop that just opened? It comes highly wreck-a-mended. (Credit: justbadpuns.com)  

Weight and See

Q. What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? A. A hippo is really heavy, and a Zippo is a little lighter.

That’s Deep

All these sea monster jokes are just Kraken me up. (Credit: justbadpuns.com)

This Joke’s In Tents

Q. Why can't you run through a campground? A. You can only ran, because it's past tents. (Credit: @punnstagram)

The Truth is Out

Shout out to the people who ask what the opposite of "in" is. (Credit: justbadpuns.com)

Know Your ABCs

I'm only friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know Y. (Credit: justbadpuns on tumblr)

Dinosaur Groans

Q. What sound does a sleeping T-Rex make? A. A dino-snore.

Harry Punner

Q. Why can't Harry Potter tell the difference between the pot he uses to make potions and his best friend? A. They're both cauld ron. (Credit: @hogwartslogic on Twitter)

A Fan Favorite

Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, "What's your favorite kind of music?" The other says, "I'm a big metal fan."

That’s Just Not Write

Want to hear something terrible? Paper. See? I told you it was tear-able.

Or was it a SodaStream?

Last night, I dreamed I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. But it was just a Fanta sea. (Credit: justbadpuns on tumblr)

Choo Choo!

My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year?” I said, “Can’t say...

Oh, Man!

A man sued an airline company after it lost his luggage. Sadly, he lost his case.

Just Can’t Trust ‘Em

Atoms are untrustworthy little critters. They make up everything!  

This Is Intense

The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar… It was tense.

Atomically Lost

An atom loses an electron… it says, “Man, I really gotta keep an ion them.”

RIP

Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive?  It was a grave mistake.

Waste of Time

I had to clean out my spice rack and found everything was too old and had to be thrown out.  What a waste of thyme.

The Very Best Time, Hands Down

6:30 is the best time on a clock… hands down.

Not in Mourning

I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m.  I’m not really a mourning person.

A Little Off-Balance

I lost my job at the bank on my very first day.  A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

Baseball Nut

Ray’s friends claim he’s a baseball nut. He says they’re way off base.

A Smoking-Hot Deal

The public safety officer came up to a large mob of people outside a department store and asked, “What’s happening?” A mall officer replied, “These people are waiting to get...

Reach!

Why not go out on a limb? Isn't that where all the fruit is?  

String Fight

My ex used to hit me with stringed instruments. If only I had known about her history of violins.

Silk Ties

Did you hear about the 2 silk worms in a race? It ended in a tie!

Police Investigation

Someone stole my toilet and the police have nothing to go on.

You Don’t Want to Get Busy in an Elevator

Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.

Don’t Try to Steal a Calendar

Last time I got caught stealing a calendar I got 12 months.

A Laughing Motorcycle

What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A Yamahahaha.

Toucans

A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.

Soda to the Head

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.

Brain Transplant

I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.

Mistake on the Calendar

I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

Tender Wood

A termite walks into a bar and says, "Where is the bar tender?"

Burial Plot

I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.

Bicycle and Tricycle

What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle? A tire.

Spaghetti Bike

I told my mom I was going to make a bike out of spaghetti, you should have seen her face when I rode straight pasta.

The Chronicles of Narnia

What does C.S. Lewis keep at the back of his wardrobe? Narnia business!

Pun Well Done

Becoming a vegetarian is a huge missed steak.

Origami Fail

I put all my spare cash into an origami business. It folded.

Run Forrest

What is Forrest Gump's email password? 1Forrest1

Can Crusher

Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing.

Kleptomania

I suffer from kleptomania, but when it gets really bad, I take something for it.

Peter Pan

Why is peter pan always flying? He neverlands.

Scared Mathematician

Did you hear about the mathematician who was afraid of negative numbers? He'd stop at nothing to avoid them.

A Messy Library

What did the librarian say when the books were in a mess? We ought to be ashamed of ourshelves!

Socrates’ Students

Who was Socrates’ worst student? Mediocrities. Who was his busiest student? The one with a lot on his Plato

Nap Time is Serious Business

Police were called to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

There’s an Old Saying…

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Acupuncture Treatment

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

So That’s Why They’re Red…

Q: Why did the tomato blush? A: Because it saw the salad dressing.

Hair Dye

When she saw her first strands of gray, she thought she’d dye.

This Plate is Hot

Q: What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? A: Nacho cheese!

Straight to the Glutes

Q: Why do hamburgers go to the gym? A: To get better buns.

What’s the Quesa-deally-yo?

I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.

Ten Different Puns

Someone sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Antenna Love

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

Dancing Too Hard

I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

The Boy Who Tried to Catch Fog

Did you hear about the boy who tried to catch fog? He mist.

When the Tide Comes In

What did the beach say as the tide came in? Long time, no sea.

Long Distance Love

“How is your long distance relationship going?” – “So far, so good.”

Sweet Romance

Q: Why did the apricot ask a prune to dinner? A: Because he couldn't find a date.

Armageddon

So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world