Q: How does a hurricane see? A: With its eye.
Q: Can Bees fly in the rain? A: Not without their yellow jackets.
Q: What is a Queens favorite kind of precipitation? A: Reign!
Q: What is the Mexican weather report? A: Chili today and hot tamale.
Q: What did the evaporating raindrop say? A: I’m going to pieces.
Q: What did the hail storm say to the roof? A: Hang onto your shingles, this will be no ordinary sprinkles.
Q: What do you call a wet bear? A: A drizzly bear
Q: What do you call two straight days of rain in Seattle? A: A weekend.
Q: What goes up when the rain comes down? A: An Umbrella.
Q: What does it do before it rains candy? A: It sprinkles!
Q: Why did the man use ketchup in the rain? A: Because it was raining cats and hot dogs
Q: What did one raindrop say to the other? A: Two’s company, three’s a cloud
Q: Why does Snoop dog need an umbrella? A: Fo’ Drizzle.
Q: What’s the difference between a horse and the weather? A: One is reined up and the other rains down.
Q: When does it rain money? A: When there is “change” in the weather.
Q: What is a king’s favorite kind of precipitation? A: Hail!
Q: Why did the woman go outdoors with her purse open? A: Because she expected some change in the weather.
Q: What happens when fog lifts in California? A: UCLA!
Q: What did the thermometer say to the other thermometer? A: You make my temperature rise.
Q: Whatever happened to the cow that was lifted into the air by the tornado? A: Udder disaster!
Q: What did the lightning bolt say to the other lightning bolt? A: You’re shocking!
Q: What type of cloud is so lazy, because it will never get up? A: Fog!
Q: What type of lightning likes to play sports? A: Ball lightning!
Q: What does a cloud wear under his raincoat? A: Thunderwear!
Q: How do hurricanes see? A: With one eye!
Q: Where do snowmen keep their money? A: In a snow bank.
No, I’m not walking on string-cheese stilts. These are just my first bare legs of the season. @sassycurmudgeon (Una LaMarche)
Red sky at night, shepherd’s
delight. Blue sky at night, day. Humorist Tom Parry
We use a really strong sunblock when we go to the beach with the kids. It’s SPF 80: You squeeze the tube, and a sweater comes out. Lew Schneider
As we waited for a bus in the frosty weather, the woman next to me mentioned that she makes a lot of mistakes when texting in the cold. I nodded knowingly. “It’s the early signs of typothermia.” Phil Noyes, Yakima, Washington
It was so hot in Beverly Hills,
people were frying egg whites on the sidewalk. Comedian Matt Wohlfarth
Don’t knock the weather. If it didn’t change once in a while, nine tenths of the people couldn’t start a conversation. Kin Hubbard
Electricity is really just organized lightning. George Carlin
It’s been raining so much in Los Angeles that the Chia Pet I threw in the garbage is now blocking my entire driveway. Jay Leno
If I’m on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast. If God wants to play through, let him. Bob Hope
Why does moisture destroy leather? When it’s raining, cows don’t go up to the farmhouse yelling, “Let us in! We’re all wearing leather! We’re going to ruin the whole outfit here!” Jerry Seinfeld
Concerned about what will happen to cities if the polar ice caps melt? Don’t be. New names have already been chosen. Atlantis City, New Jersey Pariscope, France Sail ‘Em, Massachusetts Floodelphia, Pennsylvania Helsunki, Finland Sao Marco … Paulo, Brazil
Hilarious moments from family vacations and beach excursions.
According to a news story, if global warming continues, in 20 years the only chance we’ll have to see a polar bear is in a zoo. So in other words, nothing is going to change.