Birthday Jokes

Throw more than just confetti with these happy birthday puns and jokes.

Happy birthday to you! Make everyone laugh with these funny birthday jokes that will make you the life of the party.

The Hunter’s Birthday

What do you get a hunter for his birthday? A birthday pheasant

Birthday Clam

What does a clam do on his birthday? He shellabrates!

The Hard Birthday Cake

Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!

Is It Getting Hot in Here?

Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday? Because people kept toasting him!

Welcome to the World

When I was born I was so surprised, I didn’t talk for a year and a half.

Diamonds for the Birthday Girl

It’s my wife’s birthday tomorrow.

Birthday Heartburn

Patient: “Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.” Doctor: “Next time, take off the candles.”

The Most Common Birthday Present

What do you always get on your birthday? Another year older!

Burn Baby Burn

Does a pink candle burn longer than a blue one? No, they both burn shorter!

Bring Out the Candles

Why do we put candles on the top of birthday cakes? Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!

A Ghostly Birthday Cake

What sort of birthday cake do ghosts prefer? An "I scream" cake

Kangaroo Birthday

What do you say to a kangaroo on its birthday? Hoppy Birthday!

Birthday Cake Love

Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream?  It was icing on the cake.

Make a wish

Dear eyelashes, wishbones, dandelions, pennies, shooting stars, 11:11 and birthday candles: Do your job.

Whoops, No Present

Forget about the past, you can't change it. Forget about the future, you can't predict it. Forget about the present, I didn't get you one.

Sappy Birthday!

Q: Did you hear about the tree's birthday? A: It was a sappy one!

Family Age Jokes

Age is a relative thing. All my relatives keep reminding me how old I am.

Elephant Gift

Q: What did the elephant want for his birthday? A: A trunk full of gifts.

Goldfish Birthday

Q: What do you say to your goldfish on his birthday? A: Have a fin-tastic day.

Golf Cake

Q: When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? A: When you slice it.

Up for Bid

You know you're getting old when you go to an antique auction and three people bid on you.

Birthday Cake Visit

Q: Why did the birthday cake visit the psychologist? A: Because it was feeling crumby.

Stuffed Bear

Q: What did the teddy bear say when it was offered some birthday cake? A: No thanks, I'm stuffed.

Coffee Lovers Birthday

Q: What kind of birthday cake do you get for a coffee lover? A: Choco-latte.

Always Getting Older

Q: What goes up and never comes down? A: Your age.

Obvious Birthday Joke

Statistics show that those who have the most birthdays live the longest.

Cake with Candles

Doctor, doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake. Try taking the candles off.

Cat Birthday

Q: What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? A: Mice cream and cake.

Moby Dick Birthday

Q: How did Moby Dick celebrate his birthday? A: He had a whale of a time.

Bald Man Birthday

Q: What did the bald guy say when he was given a comb for his birthday? A: Thanks, I'll never part with it.

Too Much of a Good Thing

I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you.

Birthdays in Heaven

Q: What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? A: Angel food cake.

Pickle Birthday

Q: How do pickles celebrate their birthdays? A: They relish the moment.

Pirate Birthday

Q: What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? A: Aye, matey!

Cat Birthday

Q: Where do you get a birthday present for your cat? A: From a cat-alogue.

Birthday Toast

I always feel warm on my birthday because people don't stop toasting me.

Fewer Guests

You know you're getting old when you have more candles on your cake than friends at your birthday party.

Growing Numbers

Q: What goes up and never comes down? A: Your age!

Surprise Parties

I've never enjoyed my surprise birthday parties because all I can think about is how good my friends are at lying to my face.

Thank God For Facebook

Thanks to Facebook, I never forget the birthdays of people I don't really know.

Kitty Birthday

Q: Where do you find a birthday present for a cat? A: In a cat-alogue!

Another Year Down

Q: Why are birthday's good for you? A: Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest!

Facebook Birthday

If you feel a bit lonely, forgotten, or just need someone to cheer you up remember...You can always change your birthday on Facebook!

Don’t Forget Your Wife’s Birthday

The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

Always Changing Numbers

It's easier to remember your age if you don't change it every year.

Trapped in Someone Else

I used to be a boy trapped in a woman's body. But after 9 long months, I was finally born!

Getting Older

I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you.

Born to be Negative

I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.

Did You Remember This Year?

Today is your birthday, so congratulate yourself, especially if you're still young enough to remember it.

Can’t Blow Out the Candles

The older you get, the more you need to keep a fire extinguisher close to the cake.

Be Friendly with Babies

It's always a good idea to make friends with babies. That's free cake once a year for a lifetime.

Always Getting Older

Q: What goes up and never comes down? A: Your age!

Birthday Holidays

Q: What do George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Christopher Columbus all have in common? A: They were all born on holidays.

Don’t Forget Your Wife’s Birthday

Q: What's the easiest way to remember your wife's birthday? A: Forget it once!

Unique Gift

Every year on my birthday, I looked forward to my aunt’s gift—a scarf, hat, or sweater knitted by hand. One year, she must have had better things to do because...

Birthday Greetings

Greeting Cards: When you care enough to send the very best but not enough to actually write something.

Birthday Disappointment

Because it was my brother’s birthday, our mom wanted to do something special. She called his fraternity house and said she wanted to bring a cake. The young man who...

Ending the Questions

As a single, never-married woman in my 40s, I have been questioned endlessly about my status by friends, relatives and co-workers. Over the years I’ve noticed a subtle change in...