School Jokes

You’re never too cool for school with these school jokes.

Make school fun with our collection of school jokes from preschool jokes to college jokes, school puns and teacher puns.

French Not Spanish

The homework assignment for my Spanish class was to write a paragraph. When I returned their papers, I asked one student if he had used Google Translate or any other...

It Pays to Do Your Own Work

Upon finding a clearly plagiarized paper, I called the student into my office. Pointing to my computer screen, I said, “I found your entire paper online. Do you have anything...

Even Report Cards

Q: How did the two dead brothers do in school? A: They were dead even.

Food For Thought

Q: What vegetables do librarians like? A: Quiet peas.

A Ribbiting Story

When I was teaching kindergarten and had a cold, I would often get laryngitis with it. One day a student asked me, “Do you have a frog in your nose?”

First Lines To Fake Novels

If you’re a fan of lousy literature, you’re in luck: Here are two intentionally bad first lines of nonexistent novels. As he caressed her hair, cheek, forehead, chin, collarbone, shoulder,...

And The Lord Separated His Paper From His Plastics…

My sister-in-law was teaching Sunday school class. The topic for the day: Easter Sunday and the 
resurrection of Christ. “What did Jesus do on this day?” she asked. There was...

No Dumb Questions (Except This One)

Just before the final exam in 
my college finance class, a less-than-stellar student approached me. “Can you tell me what grade 
I would need to get on the exam 
to...

I Hope You ROTC

In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. Trask (his last name) used that 
heritage to lord it over me. But...

Super Droll, More Like

A first-grade teacher can’t 
believe her student isn’t hepped up about the Super Bowl. “It’s a huge event. Why aren’t you excited?” “Because I’m not a football fan. My parents...

A Kid With A Dream

For Martin Luther King Day, 
I asked my fifth graders how they’d make the world a better place. One said, “I’d make potato skins a main dish rather than an...

A Wee Little Triumph

Try as she might, our granddaughter couldn’t grasp the concept of potty training. Then one day … Success! Jumping up and down, 
she threw her arms in the air 
and...

Tiptoe Through The Typos

Gauging from these exam 
excerpts, my college dance students had better stick with pliés. “The costumes were vindictive 
of the style of dance.” “I commend Bill T. Jones for 
his...

Test Answers From Smart-Alecky Students

• Q: 
What’s the name of a 
six-sided polygon? A: Sixagon. • Q: 
What part of the body is 
affected by glandular fever? A: The glandular. • Q: 
In The...

Spotted on Facebook…

Student: I don’t understand why my grade was so low. How did 
I do on my research paper? Teacher: Actually, you didn’t turn in a research paper. You turned in...

For My Next Impression…

I’m now in high school, so when I ran into my third-grade teacher, I doubted she would remember me. “Hi, Miss Butcher,” I said. “Hi, Eddie,” she replied. “So you...

Dubious Accomplishment #23

I don’t want to brag or make anybody jealous or anything, but 
I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school. From humorlabs.com

Projecting Happiness

One hard thing to explain to teens is how legitimately exciting it used to be when someone would wheel in an overhead projector. @juliussharpe

Honor Among Thieves

A mother complained to my wife, 
a schoolteacher, that other students were stealing her daughter’s pencils. “It’s not the money—it’s the 
principle,” she insisted. “My husband took those pencils from...

Who Taught You That?

“Give me a sentence about a public servant,” the teacher instructed her second-grade student. “The fireman came down the ladder pregnant,” he answered. “Umm … Do you know what pregnant...

Thanks, I Think

I recently ran into an old student of mine, who said, "I always liked you. You never had favorites. You were mean to everyone." Lois Henry, Farmington, Maine

There’s a Timeout in His Future

“Hurry up or we’ll be late!” shouts a teacher to her kindergarten class. “What’s the rush?” a tot asks coolly. “If we’re late, we’ll miss your next class!” the teacher...

Education Got You Down?

Why was the math book sad? Because it had so many problems.

Told You So

"How do you spell toad?" one of my first-grade students asked. "We just read a story about a toad," I said, then helped him spell it out: "T-O-A-D." Satisfied, he...

Ivy League Music

A month after Donald MacDonald started at Harvard, his mother called from Scotland. "And how are the American students, Donald?" she asked. "They’re so noisy," he complained. "One neighbor endlessly...

Mark Twain Quote

After a day of listening to my eighth graders exchange gossip, I decided to quote Mark Twain to them: "It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people...

Maturing Process

During my eighth-grade sex education class, no one could answer the question "What happens to a young woman during puberty?" So I rephrased it: "What happens to young women as...

Easy Math

Question on second-grade math quiz: "Tony drank 1/6 of a glass of juice. Emily drank 1/4 of a glass of juice. Emily drank more. Explain." My grandson’s answer: "She was...

Plagiarism

At a planning meeting at my college, I congratulated a colleague on producing some superb student-guidance notes explaining how to combat plagiarism. "How long did it take you to write...

Happy Trails

When my summer teaching post in the Czech Republic came to an end, I told my students my next teaching destination would be in Australia, "the land down under." On...

True Feelings

During a lecture on the influence of media on teens, a typo in the PowerPoint presentation revealed the professor's true opinion. The title read "Three Reasons Teens Are Vulnerable Toads."

Keeping Track

Found in a heap of recycled files donated to our school was this curiously labeled folder: "Excuses I Have Used."

A Good Choice

There was a typo on a test I was taking. Instead of "(D) none of the above," it said "(D) one of the above." So I circled it.

Fun Class

Seen outside a professor's door at Georgetown College: "Psychology 376: Dying, Grieving, and Coping. Take for your major or minor, or as a fun elective."

Little Problems

Our school had just installed a new air-conditioning system, and a representative from the company wanted to make sure it was running smoothly. Poking his head into an empty classroom,...

Textbook

Discovered: why our nation’s education system is in trouble. When a friend delivered 20 new math books to a teacher’s classroom, the teacher exclaimed, "Oh, shoot! I was hoping it...

Literacy Testing

My son, a high school senior, went to take a national literacy test recently. A sign on the classroom door read "Literacy Testing in Progress: Do Not Distrub!"

Evangelist

Teacher: What is an evangelist?

Student: Someone who plays the evangelo.

Fishing

Teacher: Why can't freshwater fish live in salt water?

Student: The salt would give them high blood pressure.

Library Time

Teacher: Mira went to the library at 5:15 and left at 6:45. How long was Mira at the library?

Student: Not long.

Well Wishers

For 98 percent of the students at the school where my wife teaches, English is a second language. But that didn’t stop them from giving her Christmas cards. Still, their...

Perfect Attendance

Our local newspaper lists recipients of school awards. Beneath one photo, the caption read "This year’s Perfect Attendance Awards go to Ann Stein and Bradley Jenkins. Not present for photo:...

Front Office

When our students began raising donations for Child Abuse Prevention Week, the school administration did its part by setting up a collection box outside the principal’s office and displaying a...

Flight Training

An amateur pilot wannabe, I knew I’d finally made progress with my flight training the day my instructor turned to me and said, “You know, you’re not as much fun...

4 Funny Attempts at Speaking English

English is tough to learn, as these attempts from classes in English as a second language prove: "Do you like this food? I made it from scratching." "I never liked...

The Miracle of Life

In lectures on human genetics, I explained to my college students that males determine the sex of the offspring by contributing either an X or a Y chromosome. So at...

Common Thread

A middle school in New Ipswich, New Hampshire, encourages freethinking. A sign outside the school reads, "You are unique—just like everyone else."

Friendly Reminder

During my first meeting with my physically challenged students, I assured them that most people are handicapped in some way. "Look at me," I said. "My eyes are so bad,...

Apology Accepted

Teacher: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree but also admitted it. Now, Joey, do you know why his father didn’t punish him? Joey: Because George still...

Moving On

When our school librarian announced she was changing schools, my fellow teacher asked a student, "Why do you think Ms. Richardson is leaving?" The third grader opined, "Because she’s read...

Slightly Off

One of our projects at military leadership school called for us to speak in front of the class on a topic picked by our instructor. A classmate gave an impassioned...

Brains

I’d contacted a butcher to get sheep brains for a lecture in my neuroanatomy class and said I’d be by to pick them up. But when I arrived at his...

Listening Skills

"Guess what?" yelled my high schooler as he burst through the door. "I got a 100 on the Spanish quiz that I didn’t even know we were having." "That’s great!"...

Among the Living

Interviewing a college applicant, the dean of admissions asks, "If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?" The student thinks it over, then...

Silly Teacher

Teacher: Millie, give me a sentence starting with i. Millie: I is … Teacher: No, Millie. Always say, "I am." Millie: Okay, I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

Unusual Beauty Contestant

An e-mail from our school principal: "The Miss BHS Beauty Pageant has been moved to Friday night instead of Saturday because of the contestants involved in the hog show."

Paying Attention

When a nosy fourth-grade student wanted the scoop on what another teacher and I were discussing in private, I decided it was time for an impromptu lesson in manners. "Do...

Dumb Luck

Flummoxed by his true-false final exam, a student decides to toss a coin up in the air. Heads means true; tails, false. Thirty minutes later, he’s done, well before the...

It's Time To Go To School!

Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It’s time to go to school!" "But why, Mom? I don’t want to go." "Give...

Music To My Ears

I was a percussion major when I was in college, and during a rehearsal of the student orchestra, my section kept making mistakes. "When you’re too dumb to play anything,"...

New Trend

After his first day back at school in the fall, I asked my son if the high-school students were wearing anything new. "Well," he replied, "a lot of the fellows...

Not a Bookworm

The college football player knew his way around the locker room better than he did the library. So when my husband’s co-worker saw the gridiron star roaming the stacks looking...

Other Form of Transportation

We live less than a quarter-mile from the high school, but my son proudly drove there in a car he bought with his own money. A typical first car, it...

Personal Question

During our computer class, the teacher chastised one boy for talking to the girl sitting next to him. "I was just asking her a question," the boy said. "If you...

Saying the Right Side

Four students walked in halfway through the American history test my father was giving at the local community college. "Sorry," they said, "we had a flat tire." An understanding man,...

Taking a Trip

At the beginning of my junior year at Russellville High School in Arkansas, our homeroom teacher had us fill out a form stating our future goals. Out of curiosity, I...

Too Much Television

One afternoon while I was visiting my library, I noticed a group of preschoolers gathered for story time. The book they were reading was "There Was an Old Lady Who...

VCR Skills

While reviewing math symbols with my second-grade pupils, I drew a greater-than (>) and a less-than (<) sign on the chalkboard and asked, "Does anyone remember what these mean?" A...

Eating Out

I was teaching a life-skills class to my high school students one day, and we were discussing the various terms one might encounter in a restaurant. I asked, "What does...

Bad Grades

Parents are justifiably upset when their children don’t get into the college of their choice. As an admissions counselor for a state university, I took a call from an irate...

Car Distraction

Did you hear about the college professor who was involved in a terrible car wreck? He was grading papers on a curve.

Chemistry Slang

As a fund-raiser, the chemistry club designed and sold T-shirts. Written across the front were our top "Stupid Chemistry Sayings": • Have yourself a Merry Little Bismuth • What do...

Criminal Knowledge

My father began teaching business classes at the local prison through a community college. On his first night of class, he started a chapter on banking. During the course of...