When I was teaching kindergarten and had a cold, I would often get laryngitis with it. One day a student asked me, “Do you have a frog in your nose?”
If you’re a fan of lousy literature, you’re in luck: Here are two intentionally bad first lines of nonexistent novels. As he caressed her hair, cheek, forehead, chin, collarbone, shoulder, upper arm, and stomach, she knew that her decision to take Octoman as a lover was the correct one. L. C. If Vicky Walters had […]
My sister-in-law was teaching Sunday school class. The topic for the day: Easter Sunday and the resurrection of Christ. “What did Jesus do on this day?” she asked. There was no response, so she gave her students a hint: “It starts with the letter R.” One boy blurted, “Recycle!” Mari-Lynn Finley, Los Angeles, California
A first-grade teacher can’t believe her student isn’t hepped up about the Super Bowl. “It’s a huge event. Why aren’t you excited?” “Because I’m not a football fan. My parents love basketball, so I do too,” says the student. “Well, that’s a lousy reason,” says the teacher. “What if your parents were morons? What would […]
Gauging from these exam excerpts, my college dance students had better stick with pliés. “The costumes were vindictive of the style of dance.” “I commend Bill T. Jones for his acts of true kindness and selfishness.” “Dancers must have long limps.” “At first, I had a hard time understanding and interrupting his movement.” “Savion Glover’s […]
Student: I don’t understand why my grade was so low. How did I do on my research paper? Teacher: Actually, you didn’t turn in a research paper. You turned in a random assemblage of sentences. In fact, the sentences you apparently kidnapped in the dead of night and forced into this violent and arbitrary plan […]
A month after Donald MacDonald started at Harvard, his mother called from Scotland. "And how are the American students, Donald?" she asked. "They’re so noisy," he complained. "One neighbor endlessly bangs his head against the wall, while another screams all night." "How do you put up with it?" "I just ignore them and play my […]
Our school had just installed a new air-conditioning system, and a representative from the company wanted to make sure it was running smoothly. Poking his head into an empty classroom, he asked the teacher, "Any little problems here?" "No," she said, smiling. "All our little problems have gone home."
For 98 percent of the students at the school where my wife teaches, English is a second language. But that didn’t stop them from giving her Christmas cards. Still, their enthusiasm for the occasion sometimes exceeded their grasp of English. Among the many cards that flooded her desk were: "Happy Birthday, Grandma," "Get Well Soon," […]
When our students began raising donations for Child Abuse Prevention Week, the school administration did its part by setting up a collection box outside the principal’s office and displaying a banner by the front door of the lobby. It read "Please give $1 to help stop child abuse in the front office."