Love Jokes

These love jokes and corny love jokes are no eclipse of the heart.

Love is patient, kind, and can also be pretty funny. These love jokes, corny jokes for her and him, and couple jokes will make your heart sing. Make your significant other feel extra special with our marriage jokes.

Warning

Q: Daddy, why are all those cars beeping their horns? A: Because there's a wedding going happening. Q: Don't we been the horn a warning signal, Daddy? A: Exactly, son.

A proposal

How did the telephone propose to its girlfriend? He gave her a ring.

Flaky Love

You are like dandruff because I just cannot get you out of my head no matter how hard I try.

Hard to Breathe

You are like my asthma. You just take my breath away.

Computer Crush

My name is Microsoft. Can I crash at your place tonight?

Olive Who?

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Olive. Olive, who? Olive you, and I don’t care who knows it.

Broken Crush

What did the patient with the broken leg say to their doctor? Hey doc, I have a crutch on you.

Dating a Goalie

Why should you never break up with a goalie? Because he is a keeper.

Valentine’s Date

Do you have a date for Valentine’s Day? Yes, it is February 14th.

Vampire Romance

What happened when the two vampires went on a blind date? It was love at first bite.

Tides of Love

What did one boat say to the other? Are you up for a little row-mance?

Tennis Match

Why should you not marry a tennis player? Because love means nothing to them.

Love is Blind

What's the difference between love and marriage? Love is blind. Marriage is an eye-opener.

New Jacket

I was in the shop looking for a jacket to buy my girlfriend as a present. I couldn’t decide which one to get, so I asked the salesman, “If you...

What Men Really Love

I said, “I love you so much. I could never live without you.” My girlfriend giggled and asked, “Is that you talking or the beer?” I said, “It’s me talking...

She’s a Keeper

My new girlfriend works at the zoo. I think she's a keeper.

Love Versus Marriage

What's the difference between love and marriage? Love is one long, sweet dream and marriage is the alarm clock.

Exes

Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

Worrying in Love

Love is telling someone to go to hell and worrying about them getting there safely.

She’s Boss

I like to show my girlfriend who's the boss in our house. I do this by holding a mirror up to her face.

Chosen One

Never laugh at your girlfriend's choices. You're one of them.

New Eyebrows

I told my girlfriend she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

Sweets for the Sweet

Q. Why shouldn't you fall in love with a pastry chef? A. He'll dessert you.

Do I Look Like a Short-Order Cook?

Wife: Do you want dinner? Husband: Sure, what are my choices? Wife: Yes and no.

Fatherly Wisdom

Son: Dad, I’ve heard that in some parts of the world a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her. Father: Son, that's true everywhere.

Looking for Love

This man was really lonely, so he posted an ad on a popular website. The ad said, simply: “Wife wanted.” He was surprised the next morning to find he had...

Lovable Monsters

Q. What does the ghost call his true love? A. My ghoul-friend.

I’ll Call You

Q. How did the phone propose to his girlfriend on Valentine's Day? A. He gave her a ring.

A Little Bird Whispered

Q. What do you call two birds in love?

A. Tweet-hearts!

Two Ships Passing in the Night

Q. What did the little boat say to the yacht?

A. Can I interest you in a little row-mance?

He’s Got a Fast Car

Man: “Honey, on this Valentine’s Day, I want to tell you something… I’m not rich like Jack. I don’t have a mansion like Russell. I don’t have a Porsche like...

Wine Goggles

Me: "I love you." You: "Is that you or the wine talking?" Me: "It's me talking to the wine."

Bonnie McFarlane On The Key To A Good Marriage

I once gave my husband the 
silent treatment for an entire week, at the end of which he declared, “Hey, we’re getting along pretty great lately!” Bonnie McFarlane, 
from You’re...

Chemistry In The Soup Kitchen

While volunteering in a soup kitchen, I hit it off with a very attractive single man. It was a relief, since my mother and I always laughed 
because the men...

Groucho Marx on Make Outs

Whoever named 
it necking is a poor judge of anatomy. Groucho Marx

A Brow Beating

I told my girlfriend that it looked like she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised. Submitted by Adam Joshua Smargon, Newark, Delaware

All Dolled Up

A husband and wife had been married for 60 years and had no 
secrets except for one: The woman kept in her closet a shoe box that 
she forbade her...

Our Favorite Hashtags on Dating

#GeekPickupLines: My name’s 
Microsoft … can I crash at your place tonight?     @tillinghast (Mark Dryzcimski) #RobotPickupLines: “You had me 
at 100100010000101100110010011001001111.” @pound_hashtag #ThatAwkwardMoment: When someone says “Hello!” and you...

She Shoots, She Scores!

Why should you never breakup with a goalie? Because he's a keeper.

Love Lost, Love Found On Craigslist

• The ad for the 14k white gold engagement ring in “like-new condition” included a caveat: It was worn “by Satan herself.” The ad then warned, “Ring may be cursed,...

Realistic Romantic Comedies

• When Harry Met Sally and 
Discovered She Looks Nothing Like Her eHarmony Photos • Love Handles, Actually • Runaway Bridal Expenses —From humorlabs.com

Tailor-Made Quips

My husband and I couldn’t decide which jacket to buy our granddaughter, so we asked the young salesman. “If you were buying a jacket for your girlfriend,” I said, “what...

Prepare for Takeoff

My seatmate on a flight was a woman. Ever the charmer, I asked, “Does the airline charge you extra for sitting next to good-looking men?” “Yes,” she said, “but I...

What About the Other Half?

As the music swelled during a recent wedding reception, my hopelessly romantic husband squeezed my hand, leaned in, and said, “You are better looking than half the women here.” —Marlene...

Pencil Me In

Boy: Do you have a date for Valentine's Day? Girl: Yes, February 14th.

Dive Right In

What did one boat say to the other? "Are you up for a little row-mance?"

Broken Heart

What did the guy with the broken leg say to his nurse? "I've got a crutch on you."

Celebrating July 4th

What do you say to your single friends on Valentine's Day? Happy Independence Day!

Read All About It

Every Valentine’s Day our campus newspaper has a section for student messages. Last year my roommate surprised his girlfriend with roses and dinner at a fancy restaurant. When they returned...

Making the Grade

My high-school English teacher was well known for being a fair, but hard, grader. One day I received a B minus on a theme paper. In hopes of bettering my...

Perfectly Paired Puns

As Valentine’s Day approached, I tried to think of an unusual gift for my husband. When I discovered that his favorite red-plaid pants had a broken zipper, I thought I...

Dates from Hell

Have a date for Valentine’s Day? Hope it doesn’t end up like these 
@FirstDateHell dates. • He couldn’t remember my name, so he asked if I would mind if he...

Olive

Knock! Knock! Who's there? Olive. Olive who? Olive you and I don't care who knows it!

A Failure to Communicate

A father shows up at his daughter’s home and finds his son-in-law angrily packing his bags. “What’s wrong?” he asks. “I texted my wife that I was coming home today...

Too Close for Comfort

Sarah Silverman tweeted, “When ur relatives drive you crazy just close your eyes & pretend it’s dialogue in 
a woody allen movie.” She got this 
response from Mia Farrow: “Tried...

A Man’s Guide to Fine Dining

A man invited a woman over to his home for a seven-course meal. “That’s lovely,” she said. “What are we going to have?” He said, “A hot dog and a...

Devoted and Determined

During World War II my parents had planned a romantic Valentine’s Day wedding. Suddenly my father, then stationed at Camp Edwards in Massachusetts, received orders to prepare to ship out,...

Irresistible Irony

About a year had passed since my amicable divorce, and I decided it was time to start dating again. Unsure how to begin, I thought I’d scan the personals column...

Mower Than a Greeting Card

My friend Mark and I work in a lawn-mower-parts warehouse. Somehow Mark got the idea that his wife did not want a card on Valentine’s Day, but when he spoke...

9 to 5 Love

My husband, a certified public accountant, works 15-hour days for the first few months of the year. In spite of his hectic schedule, he took time out to order me...

Pastoral Passion

The lingerie store where my aunt works was crowded with shoppers selecting Valentine’s Day gifts for their wives. A young businessman came to the register with a lacy black negligee....

Sweet Nothings (.com)

My boyfriend Hans and I met online. After dating a long time, I introduced him to my uncle, who was fascinated by the fact that we met over the Internet....

Check Out a Romance

I met my husband while I was working in a science library. He came in every week to read the latest journals and eventually decided to take out the librarian...

A Little Nuts About Love

Driving through Southern California, I stopped at a roadside stand that sold fruit, vegetables and crafts. As I went to pay, I noticed the young woman behind the counter was...

'Til Death Do Us Part

I suppose it speaks volumes about the state of my marriage when I admit to nodding knowingly at a remark made by a colleague. She was telling me about the...

Courtship

A man is madly in love with a princess and wants to propose, but an evil witch has cast a spell on him, and now he can say only one...

Movie Producer

At a restaurant one night, the man at the next table was pulling out all the stops to impress his underwhelmed date. He crowned a lengthy list of lifetime achievements...

3 Relationship Terms

Author Cindy Chupack coined these useful neologisms to help those dating today. Man-me-downs: Men who are passed on from one woman to another after a failed attempt at romance. Cupidity:...