Diet Jokes
Put the green juice down and stock up on these diet jokes and vegetarian puns.
Get a forkful of these funny diet jokes, vegan puns and vegetarian jokes that will lighten up about your hangry mood. For an extra helping of laughter, take a look at our weight loss jokes.
One is Enough
For Here or To Go?
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I’ll Take Mine to Go
Q: Why go to the paint store when you're on a diet?
A: You can get thinner there.
Q: Why go to the paint store when you're on a diet?
A: You can get thinner there.
You’ll LOVE This One
Q: Why shouldn't you fall in love with a pastry chef?
A: He'll dessert you.
Q: Why shouldn't you fall in love with a pastry chef?
A: He'll dessert you.
How Low Can You Go?
Off-Color Eaters
What’s Your Beef?
Vegan Insult
Diet Downer
I'm not vegetarian because I love animals. I'm vegetarian because I hate vegetables.
I'm not vegetarian because I love animals. I'm vegetarian because I hate vegetables.
Vegan Crossroads
Nationwide Eating Plan
Nacho Normal Diet
Sugar Free
Time Weighs on You
Can-Do Diet
I Have a Dieter Inside Me
Get Thrown Out
Fattening Spoon
Chocolate Chip Diet
Don’t Watch Others Eat
Dessert Ditcher
Stick to One Serving
One Day Diet
What do you call a collection of diet jokes?
Diet at the Best Restaurants
Calories In, Calories Out
I’m not interested in any diet plan unless it lets me use rollover calories.—@sbellelauren
I’m not interested in any diet plan unless it lets me use rollover calories.—@sbellelauren
Losing It
My snack got lost in my purse, so I guess I’m on a diet now.—@msgweni
My snack got lost in my purse, so I guess I’m on a diet now.—@msgweni
Nacho Normal Diet
The only difference in my life when I’m on a diet is instead of saying, “I ate nachos,” I say, “I accidentally ate nachos.”—@behindyourback
The only difference in my life when I’m on a diet is instead of saying, “I ate nachos,” I say, “I accidentally ate nachos.”—@behindyourback
Never Say Diet
"If you lose weight when you stop drinking Diet Coke imagine how much we’d lose if we stopped dieting."—@JimGaffigan
"If you lose weight when you stop drinking Diet Coke imagine how much we’d lose if we stopped dieting."—@JimGaffigan
Love You From Afar
My fitness coach told me to bend down and touch my toes. I said, “I don’t have that kind of relationship with my feet. Can I just wave?” —@KerryKatona7
My fitness coach told me to bend down and touch my toes. I said, “I don’t have that kind of relationship with my feet. Can I just wave?” —@KerryKatona7
Quit While You’re Ahead
It took a lot of will power. But I finally gave up dieting.
It took a lot of will power. But I finally gave up dieting.
Table for Two
Most people gain weight by having intimate dinners for two…alone. —"Laugh Yourself Healthy," by Charles Hunter
Most people gain weight by having intimate dinners for two…alone. —"Laugh Yourself Healthy," by Charles Hunter
Can’t Hide
Gut Dysbiosis
Definition of Calories: Tiny creatures colonizing your closet. They sew your clothes a little bit tighter every night.
Definition of Calories: Tiny creatures colonizing your closet. They sew your clothes a little bit tighter every night.
It’s not my fault!
Nothing but the Truth
Just dreaming…
Time to Diet
Purse Snatcher’s Diet Tips
Hey, Lady! Want to drop 5 pounds? Let go of the purse.
Hey, Lady! Want to drop 5 pounds? Let go of the purse.
Weighing Your Options
I did it!
Stop Those Cravings
Cannibal Diet
If you are what you eat … I need to eat a skinny person.
If you are what you eat … I need to eat a skinny person.
A Dieter’s Favorite Celebrity
In the middle
Have You Heard of the Garlic Diet?
Yippee Ki Yay
Autocorrect Fail
Breakfast of Champions
Healthy as a Horse
Diet Day 1
Giving Up Is Tasty
Good News!
Snack Attack
If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?
If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?
Bad M&Ms
No Pants? No Problem.
The Easiest Way to Spot a Dieter
Portion Control
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
Think Outside The Bun
The Diet Wagon
Nacho Diet
This Diet’s Just Not Working
I know it's three meals a day, but how many should I eat at night?
I know it's three meals a day, but how many should I eat at night?
Sales Binge
It’s a Love/Hate Relationship
Friends From Afar
Q: Have you heard of the garlic diet?
A: You don't lose much weight, but from a distance your friends think you look thinner!
Q: Have you heard of the garlic diet?
A: You don't lose much weight, but from a distance your friends think you look thinner!
Dear Diet…
The Second Day Is Always the Hardest
Stages of Dieting
The Best Diet Plans…
Sorry to Eat and Run
Q: What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea?
A: A salad shooter.
Q: What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea?
A: A salad shooter.