Weight Loss Jokes

Same Difference

Ate salad for dinner! Mostly croutons and tomatoes. Really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. Fine, it was pizza. I ate a pizza.

The Circle of Life

A whale swims all day, only consumes fish and water, and is fat. A rabbit only eats vegetables, runs and hops all day long, and only lives 5 years. Meanwhile a tortoise doesn’t run and does nothing energetic, yet it lives for 450 years. And you tell me to eat well and exercise! I don’t think so.

The Hole Truth

I choked on a carrot this afternoon, and all I could think was, “I bet a donut wouldn’t have done this to me.”

Side Effects

I exercised once, but found I was allergic to it. My skin flushed and my heart raced. I got sweaty and short of breath. Very dangerous.

Stuff of Legends

Q: What do you call an American folk hero who starts a weight loss trend?
A: Johnny Applecidervinegar.
-By Sam Benson Smith-

Any Volunteers?

I don’t need a personal trainer as much as I need someone to follow me around and slap the unhealthy foods out of my hand.

History Lesson

Q: What was the most popular weight-loss trend in the Holy Roman Empire?
A: The Diet of Worms.
-By Sam Benson Smith-

Know Thyself

I never thought I’d be the type of person who would get up early in the morning to exercise. I was right.

Baby Steps

I need to start eating more healthy, but first I need to eat all the junk food in the house so it’s not there to tempt me anymore.

Fire Hazard

I gave up jogging for health reasons.
My thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire.

Become more interesting every week!

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