Travel Jokes

Make traveling fun with these funny travel jokes.

Cancellations and delays can put a damper on travel. Lighten up with these travel jokes and travel puns!

Free Maps

Traveling through the Midwest, I stopped at an Ohio welcome center to pick up a state map. I found plenty of brochures but no maps. Then I spotted two employees...

Airport Chocolate

Q: What kind of chocolate do they sell at the airport? A: Plane Chocolate

State Pride

Q. Which U.S. state is famous for its extra-small soft drinks? A. Mini-soda!

World stamp

Q: What travels around the world but stays in one corner? A: A stamp.

Thumb World Traveler

I wonder how many miles I've scrolled with my thumb.

Traveling Librarian

Q: Why did the librarian get kicked off the plane? A: Because it was overbooked.

Travel riddle

Q: What goes through towns, up hills, and down hills but never moves? A: The road!

Bad Driver

I didn't realize how bad of a driver I was until my satnav said, "In 400 feet, do a slight right, stop, and let me out."

Time travelers

We are all time travelers moving at the speed of exactly 60 minutes per hour.

Cross-Track Team

I got excited when my son joined the cross-country team. But then I learned they don't cross the country and are back home in a few hours.

Airport carpool

My cat constantly looks at me like I asked her to give me a ride to the airport.

Bacon in space

When will pigs fly? When we launch them to mars for the astronauts to have bacon!

Old and new travels

Young riders pick a destination and go... Old riders pick a direction and go.

Bonnie McFarlane on The Toughest Language…

I don’t want to brag, but I do speak pig Latin; I mean, I’m not fluent, but I’m sure if I ever went there, I could get by. Bonnie McFarlane

What An Ugly Duck…

My husband was waterskiing when he fell into the river. As the boat circled to pick him up, he noticed a hunter sitting in a duck boat in the reeds....

Eliza Bayne on Bikini Dangers

Probably the worst thing you can hear when you’re wearing a bikini is “Good for you!” @ElizaBayne

Bloody Good Question

How can you ever be late for anything in London? They have 
a huge clock right in the middle 
of the town. Jimmy Kimmel

How Russian Tour Guides See America

Here’s a guide to American culture for Russians visiting the U.S., straight from Russian tour books: “Women play a greater role in business. Often they insist to be treated exactly...

Lew Schneider on Sunblock

We use a really strong sunblock when we go to the beach with the kids. It’s SPF 80: You squeeze the tube, and a sweater comes out. Lew Schneider

The Smell of Delta

Delta Airlines is infusing its cabins with a lavender-and-chamomile scent called Calm. The Week asked its readers to come up with a better name to match “the ambience of the...

Hotel Time-Travel

A hotel minibar allows you to 
see into the future and find out what a can of Pepsi will cost in 2020. Comedian Rich Hall

Baggage Claim Karma

As I waited for my luggage at the airport, a man lifted my suitcase off the baggage carousel. “Excuse me,” I shouted. “That’s my suitcase.” The man shot back defensively,...

Demetri Martin's Summer Plans

This summer, I’m going to go to the beach and bury metal objects that say "Get a life" on them. Demetri Martin

Lifeguards vs. Life Coaches

L.A. public pools don’t have lifeguards—[they] have life coaches. If they see you struggling in the water, they say, “Are you happy with the decisions you’re making?” and give you...

Planedemonium

The first time my mother flew, she was a nervous wreck. During takeoff, the roar from the engines proved reassuring—it meant they were working, she reasoned. But when the plane...

No Emergency Exits, Thanks

The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. Pointing to the...

Drumming Up A Reason

A man vacations on a tropical island, and the first thing he hears is drums. He goes to the beach and hears the drums; he eats lunch, he hears the...

More Funny Hashtags:

#UnlikelySequels: Titanic 2 @davidschneider #failedchildrensbooktitles: The Very Hungry Tape Worm @Made_Dad #nicerfilmtitles: Snacks on a Plane @elfiem

St. George and the Dragon

A tramp knocks on the door of an inn known as St. George and the Dragon. The landlady answers. “Could you give a poor man something to eat?” asks the...

Comic Conductor

Halfway between New York City and Washington, D.C., the train’s engine fell silent. “I’ve got good news and bad news,” the conductor announced. “The bad news is we lost power.”...

Perfect Timing

On vacation in Hawaii, my step- mom, Sandy, called a café to make reservations for 7 p.m. Checking her book, the cheery young hostess said, "I’m sorry, all we have...

Airplane Confusion

My flight was delayed in Houston. Since the gate was needed for another flight, our aircraft was backed away from the terminal, and we were directed to a new gate....

Win-Win

I couldn’t decide whether to go to Salt Lake City or Denver for vacation, so I called the airlines to get prices. “Airfare to Denver is $300,” the cheery salesperson...