Computer Jokes

Reboot your joke collection with these funny computer jokes.

Have You Really?

Q. What is the biggest lie in the entire universe? A. “I have read and agree to the Terms & Conditions.”

Generation Gap

Q. What do you call it when you have your mom’s mom on speed dial? A. Instagram.

Tiebreaker

Q. What should you do after your Nintendo game ends in a tie? A. Ask for a Wii-match!

Missed Opportunity

Why are iPhone chargers not called Apple Juice?!

Computer Clubbing

Q. How does a computer get drunk? A. It takes screenshots.

Let It Slide

Q. Why did the PowerPoint Presentation cross the road? A. To get to the other slide.

Tweetment Needed

PATIENT: Doctor, I need your help. I’m addicted to checking my Twitter! DOCTOR: I’m so sorry, I don’t follow.

What’s the Gig Deal?

Have you heard of that new band “1023 Megabytes”? They’re pretty good, but they don’t have a gig just yet.

Typecasting

I just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory. They told me I wasn’t putting in enough shifts.

All’s We’ll that Ends We’ll

We’ll we’ll we’ll…if it isn’t autocorrect.

Humor On (Power)Point

Person 1: Do you know how to use Outlook? Person 2: As a matter of fact, I Excel at it. Person 1: Was that a Microsoft Office pun? Person 2: Word.

LOL-ing in the Deep

My computer suddenly started belting out “Someone Like You.” It’s a Dell.

Fictional Adult

I tried to say, “I’m a functional adult,” but my phone changed it to “fictional adult,” and I feel like that’s more accurate.

Computer Commute

Q: Why did the computer show up at work late? A: It had a  hard drive.

Wrong number

Person 1: Hey Rachyl, do you remember me? Person 2: Wrong number. Person 1: What’s your number then?

Texting your doctor

Matt: Hey Dr. Park, this is Matt from the Vascular lab. I have an outpatient here with an external iliac occlusion with cold foot pin and numbness that started 3 days ago. What should I do with her? Hannah: Hi, this is Hannah. I think you have the wrong number, but I Googled it and […]

Wrong number

Guy: I’m sorry. I hate when we fight cuz I really like you too and wanna be with you too and everytime we fight I feel like I’m gonna make u lose all the feelings u have for me and I don’t want that cuz I like when you like me back. Girl: I love […]

Texts from Mom

Mom: How make chicken Daughter: What? Mom: Where buy chicken Daughter: Mom, this isn’t Google. Mom: Avocado

Never text Dad for help

Daughter: Dad there’s a moth on the outside of the bathroom door. Can you get rid of it? Daughter: Please hurry because I’m going to cry. Daughter: Dad… Daughter: Dad… Dad: Dad is dead. You’re next. Love, Moth

Drive safe

I saw a driver texting and driving. It made me so mad I threw my beer at him.

Not again, autocorrect!

Autocorrect has become my worst enema.

Bad odds

Thanks to autocorrect, 1 in 5 children will be getting a visit from Satan this Christmas.

Fishy text

“I feel like carp today” “Yeah, you look a little fishy”

Hungary text

“I am hungary.” “Maybe you should czech the fridge.” “I’m russian to the kitchen.” “Is there any turkey?” “We have some, but it’s covered in greece” “ew, there’s norway I’d eat that!”

Talk is (not) cheap

Anyone who thinks “talk is cheap”… obviously didn’t pay my daughter’s last mobile phone bill!

Still can’t read minds

The guy who invented predictive text died last night. His funfair is next monkey.

Check before you send

The guy who invented auto-correct for smart phones passed away today. Restaurant in peace.

No kidding

Q: What do you call an iPhone that isn’t kidding around? A: Dead Siri-ous

Getting into contact

Q: Why was the cell phone wearing glasses? A: It lost its contacts.

Listen Up, People

You know you’re texting too much when… You type ppl instead of people in a letter.