Computer Jokes

Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account? They were Prime mates.

Don’t use “beef stew” as a computer password. It’s not stroganoff.

Q. What is the biggest lie in the entire universe?

A. “I have read and agree to the Terms & Conditions.”

Q. What do you call it when you have your mom’s mom on speed dial?

A. Instagram.

Q. What should you do after your Nintendo game ends in a tie?

A. Ask for a Wii-match!

Why are iPhone chargers not called Apple Juice?!

Q. How does a computer get drunk?

A. It takes screenshots.

Q. Why did the PowerPoint Presentation cross the road?

A. To get to the other slide.

PATIENT: Doctor, I need your help. I’m addicted to checking my Twitter!

DOCTOR: I’m so sorry, I don’t follow.

Have you heard of that new band “1023 Megabytes”? They’re pretty good, but they don’t have a gig just yet.

I just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory. They told me I wasn’t putting in enough shifts.

We’ll we’ll we’ll…if it isn’t autocorrect.

Person 1: Do you know how to use Outlook?

Person 2: As a matter of fact, I Excel at it.

Person 1: Was that a Microsoft Office pun?

Person 2: Word.

My computer suddenly started belting out “Someone Like You.” It’s a Dell.

I tried to say, “I’m a functional adult,” but my phone changed it to “fictional adult,” and I feel like that’s more accurate.

Q: Why did the computer show up at work late?

A: It had a 
hard drive.

Person 1: Hey Rachyl, do you remember me?

Person 2: Wrong number.

Person 1: What’s your number then?

Matt: Hey Dr. Park, this is Matt from the Vascular lab. I have an outpatient here with an external iliac occlusion with cold foot pin and numbness that started 3 days ago. What should I do with her?

Hannah: Hi, this is Hannah. I think you have the wrong number, but I Googled it and I’m pretty sure u need to put a stent in her left radial artery. Best of luck, Matt!

Matt: Sorry, wrong number Hannah. She ended up actually getting a stent. Took about 3 hours longer for trained medical professionals to figure out what took you 3 minutes.

Hannah: Yoooo, yall hiring?

Guy: I’m sorry. I hate when we fight cuz I really like you too and wanna be with you too and everytime we fight I feel like I’m gonna make u lose all the feelings u have for me and I don’t want that cuz I like when you like me back.

Girl: I love you too … But who are you?