Computer Jokes

You won’t need blue light glasses for these computer jokes and IT jokes.

Reboot your joke collection with these funny computer jokes, wifi puns and tech jokes that don’t require a restart.

Turn It Off and On Again

Whoever said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results has obviously never had to reboot a computer.

—William Petersen

Monkeying Around

Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account? They were Prime mates.

Beef It Up

Don't use "beef stew" as a computer password. It's not stroganoff.

Have You Really?

Q. What is the biggest lie in the entire universe? A. "I have read and agree to the Terms & Conditions."

Generation Gap

Q. What do you call it when you have your mom's mom on speed dial? A. Instagram.

Tiebreaker

Q. What should you do after your Nintendo game ends in a tie? A. Ask for a Wii-match!

Missed Opportunity

Why are iPhone chargers not called Apple Juice?!

Computer Clubbing

Q. How does a computer get drunk? A. It takes screenshots.

Let It Slide

Q. Why did the PowerPoint Presentation cross the road? A. To get to the other slide.

Tweetment Needed

PATIENT: Doctor, I need your help. I'm addicted to checking my Twitter! DOCTOR: I'm so sorry, I don't follow.

What’s the Gig Deal?

Have you heard of that new band "1023 Megabytes"? They're pretty good, but they don't have a gig just yet.

Prank: Oh No – You Cracked Your Phone!

You can really get your parents fooled by pretending their smart phone screen or yours has been cracked. You can download images or even find online apps that will make...

Typecasting

I just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory. They told me I wasn't putting in enough shifts.

All’s We’ll that Ends We’ll

We'll we'll we'll...if it isn't autocorrect.

Humor On (Power)Point

Person 1: Do you know how to use Outlook? Person 2: As a matter of fact, I Excel at it. Person 1: Was that a Microsoft Office pun? Person 2: Word.

LOL-ing in the Deep

My computer suddenly started belting out "Someone Like You." It's a Dell.

Fictional Adult

I tried to say, "I'm a functional adult," but my phone changed it to "fictional adult," and I feel like that's more accurate.

Computer Commute

Q: Why did the computer show up at work late? A: It had a 
hard drive.

Wrong number

Person 1: Hey Rachyl, do you remember me? Person 2: Wrong number. Person 1: What’s your number then?

Texting your doctor

Matt: Hey Dr. Park, this is Matt from the Vascular lab. I have an outpatient here with an external iliac occlusion with cold foot pin and numbness that started 3...

Wrong number

Guy: I’m sorry. I hate when we fight cuz I really like you too and wanna be with you too and everytime we fight I feel like I’m gonna make...

Texts from Mom

Mom: How make chicken Daughter: What? Mom: Where buy chicken Daughter: Mom, this isn’t Google. Mom: Avocado

Never text Dad for help

Daughter: Dad there’s a moth on the outside of the bathroom door. Can you get rid of it? Daughter: Please hurry because I’m going to cry. Daughter: Dad… Daughter: Dad…...

Drive safe

I saw a driver texting and driving. It made me so mad I threw my beer at him.

Not again, autocorrect!

Autocorrect has become my worst enema.

Bad odds

Thanks to autocorrect, 1 in 5 children will be getting a visit from Satan this Christmas.

Fishy text

"I feel like carp today" "Yeah, you look a little fishy"

Hungary text

“I am hungary.” “Maybe you should czech the fridge.” “I’m russian to the kitchen.” “Is there any turkey?” “We have some, but it’s covered in greece” “ew, there’s norway I’d...

Talk is (not) cheap

Anyone who thinks "talk is cheap"... obviously didn't pay my daughter's last mobile phone bill!

Still can’t read minds

The guy who invented predictive text died last night. His funfair is next monkey.

Check before you send

The guy who invented auto-correct for smart phones passed away today. Restaurant in peace.

No kidding

Q: What do you call an iPhone that isn't kidding around? A: Dead Siri-ous

Getting into contact

Q: Why was the cell phone wearing glasses? A: It lost its contacts.

Listen Up, People

You know you're texting too much when... You type ppl instead of people in a letter.

Old School

You know you're texting too much when... ...you try to text, but you're on a landline.

Somebody Stop Me

You know you're texting too much when... ...you're happy when you get stopped at a red light.

LOL in RL

You know you're texting too much when... ...you say LOL in real life, instead of just laughing.  

Repeat That, Mate?

If you understand English, press 1. If you do not understand English, press 2. Recording on an Australian tax help line

Your Work E-mail is What?

• I’m employed at a computer security company and have a colleague whose name is M. Alware. His e-mail address is malw[email protected] • My ex-boss’s name is R. Stone. His...

How To Translate Work Emails

I have a question.     =     I have 18 questions. I’ll look into it.     =     I’ve already forgotten about it. I tried my best.     =   ...

Weird Questions Librarians Hear…

Before google, there were librarians. Here are some queries posed to the poor, suffering staff of public libraries: • A woman wanted “inspirational material on grass and lawns.” • “Who...

Unintelligent Design

Client to designer: “It doesn’t really look purple. It looks more like a mixture of red and blue.” Source: clientsfromhell.net

A Few Grams More

Instagram is just Twitter for people who go outside. @JoshGondelman

Dad’s Brilliant Business Plan

Scene: A conversation with my friend’s father, who knows I do 
Web design. Father: I have a business idea. How hard is it to make a Facebook? Me: Oh, very...

When Siri Slips

After i-messaging back and forth with my wife, I jokingly commanded Siri to pass along this message: “You need to get back to work now; you have a husband to...

Clean Your Plate

The closest I’ve been to a diet this year is erasing food searches from my browser history. @PaulyPeligroso

Antisocial Media

Hate to break it to you, 
Facebook, but the entire Internet 
is already a Dislike button. @JoshGroban

Social Media IRL

I’ve given up social media for the New Year and am trying to make friends outside Facebook while 
applying the same principles. Every day, I walk down the street and...

Router-stiltskin

I put so much more effort into naming my first Wi-Fi than my 
first child. @1followernodad (Sophia Benoit)

#IGotBusted

Jimmy Fallon asked his viewers to tweet #IGotBusted and share 
the most embarrassing times they got caught. “I was on Facebook at work, and my boss walked up. I slammed...

Easier Said Than Done

Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral. From clientsfromhell.net

The Most Confusing Password

I was in a couple’s home trying to fix their Internet connection. 
The husband called out to his wife 
in the other room for the computer password. “Start with a...

Total @mateur

A client called my help desk saying she couldn’t send an e-mail. When I was done troubleshooting the problem, she interrupted me to ask, “Wait a minute, do I type...

Spotted on Facebook…

Student: I don’t understand why my grade was so low. How did 
I do on my research paper? Teacher: Actually, you didn’t turn in a research paper. You turned in...

Thanks, MapQuest

MapQuest really needs to start its directions on number five. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. Aaron Karo, from ruminations.com

Zen Koans for the Internet Age

• If an anonymous comment goes unread, is it still irritating? • What is the sound of no hands texting? • If nobody likes your selfie, what is the value...

Weirdest Craigslist Post Ever?

Looking for a job? Here’s one posted on Craigslist: “$40K a Year to Attend Harvard University as Me.” Requirements include a 4.0 GPA in high school or a 3.5 GPA...

Is Your Boss This Dumb?

While taking stock of our 
products, I read aloud the final 
numbers to my boss. As he entered each one into a calculator, I deleted it off my mobile device....

Flash Drive Failure

I’m at the library, and for some reason, when I plug my flash drive into the computer, it doesn’t show up. I keep trying, but nothing happens. As an IT...

Mallory Ortberg on Cooking Blogs

Food blogs are rife with pressing questions, helpful hints, and caustic comments from readers. One site took a jaundiced look at what one might expect to find on such boards....

When Smart is Too Smart

I can still remember a time when I knew more than my phone. @clarkekant

@BillMurray on Child Naming

The cool part about naming 
your kid is you don’t have to add 
six numbers to make sure the name 
is available. @billmurray

MSW?! (Mom say what?!)

Texting acronyms can stump even the best parents: Mom: Your great-aunt just passed away. LOL. Son: Why is that funny? Mom: It’s not funny, David! What do you mean? Son:...

Refresh. Refresh. Refresh…

The water I was heating for pasta refused to boil, and if my 12-year-old son was right, I wasn’t helping by constantly checking on it. “It’s like that old saying,”...

What are My Options?

Scene: Me using the Siri app on my iPhone. Me: Siri, call my wife. Siri: Samantha McLaughlin is not in your contacts. Me: Samantha Gibbs is my wife. Siri: I’ve...

Ten Commandments by Popular Websites

If the Ten Commandments were Written by Popular Websites… I. What You Need to Know Now About the Lord Totally Being God II. At the Beginning He Had Me Confused,...

The Wrong Language

I tried to explain to a client why I couldn’t help him with a project that was written in a program code that I didn’t know. “Let’s say you’re asking...

A Fax?

You’re sending me something via fax? What is it, an important document from 1993? From meetingboy.com

Winter Punderland

As we waited for a bus in the frosty weather, the woman next to me mentioned that she makes a lot of mistakes when texting in the cold. I nodded...

Warning Labels We can Really Use:

Google: “Warning! You may find more than what you’re looking for.” Apple computers: “Warning! High Smug Advisory.” Wikipedia: “Warning label does 
not exist. Would you like to create warning label?”...

Seen on an Online Forum:

“I hate audio correct.” Aaron Fernando, 
Richmond Hill, New York

Malapropisms on Twitter

“Time heals all wombs.” “The seizure salad … is so good.” “I have no clue why people don’t like hammy downs … Who doesn’t like free clothes?” Source: twitter.com