The Unathletic Camper’s Baseball Glossary

Baseball bat: a wooden or 
metal bar that can easily fly out of someone’s hands.

Foul ball: a moment when you think, Holy @#$%, I got a hit!

Babe Ruth: someone who people tell you was also overweight.

Right field: a quiet place where you can sit for long stretches and play with dandelions. Until suddenly you hear a clang and some shouting and immediately understand life is about to get much harder.

Fly ball: when the sun drops 
a boulder on your head.

Shortstop: a position that 
involves mostly ground balls 
and that you think maybe you can play.

Line drive: the reason you can’t play shortstop.

Innings: the amount of time 
left before afternoon snack, 
divided by nine.

Marc Philippe Eskenazi, 
in the New Yorker