Did you hear about the semi-colon that broke the law? He was given two consecutive sentences.
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If I got 50 cents for every failed math exam, I’d have $ 6.30 now.
My girlfriend likes to role-play. For the past five years, she’s been playing my ex-girlfriend.
I never forget a face—but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.
Stress cannot exist in the presence of pie.
What should you do when
you see an endangered animal
eating an endangered plant?
I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.
If athletes get athlete’s foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?
Some of my proudest moments have been when a website told me my password was “Very Strong.”