RD.COM Jokes Customer Service Jokes Page 2
Customer Service Jokes
Test your sales humor with these customer service jokes.
Customer service: We’ve all been there. Get a laugh out of our collection of call center jokes and funny customer service jokes.
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Customer: Pardon me, I’m lost. Me: What are you looking for? Customer: I’m looking for Milkjer Boulevard. Me: I’ve never heard of it. Can I see your directions? Customer: Sure....
Sales Opportunity
As I shopped, the following announcement came over the department store's PA system: "If someone here has a convertible with the top down, it just started raining. Towels are located in aisle five."
As I shopped, the following announcement came over the department store’s PA system: “If someone here has a convertible with the top down, it just started raining. Towels are located...
Proper Pronunciation
I bought a pint of Häagen-Dazs ice cream at the supermarket. As the cashier rang it up, I asked, “How do you pronounce that?”
Speaking slowly and distinctly, he said, “Four dollars and seventy-nine cents.”
I bought a pint of Häagen-Dazs ice cream at the supermarket. As the cashier rang it up, I asked, “How do you pronounce that?” Speaking slowly and distinctly, he said,...
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Fitness Questionnaire
My friend sat down with a new client at her gym to review her application. For the question "To what do you attribute your fitness issues?" the woman wrote "Horrendous eating habits."
"What makes you say that?" my friend asked.
The woman replied, "I can't spell atrocious."
My friend sat down with a new client at her gym to review her application. For the question “To what do you attribute your fitness issues?” the woman wrote “Horrendous...
Drive-Thru
I decided to grab a burger at a drive-thru. There were no cars in sight, so I rolled up to the pay window. "We're still serving breakfast. And you have to order at the speaker," the clerk scolded.
I drove all the way around the building to the squawk box and ordered a breakfast sandwich. "I'm sorry," she said, "we are now serving lunch."
I decided to grab a burger at a drive-thru. There were no cars in sight, so I rolled up to the pay window. “We’re still serving breakfast. And you have...
Single Girl Blues
"I'll never find the right guy," I heard the young guest at the wedding shower sigh.
"Don't give up," urged an older woman. "Every pot has a lid."
"Or," a cynical voice behind her offered, "you could just be a skillet."
“I’ll never find the right guy,” I heard the young guest at the wedding shower sigh. “Don’t give up,” urged an older woman. “Every pot has a lid.” “Or,” a...
Trash Service
Instead of saying, "And here's your receipt," cashiers should say, "Will you throw this away for me?"
Instead of saying, "And here's your receipt," cashiers should say, "Will you throw this away for me?"
Bookstore Guidance Needed
In some quarters, bookstores may be considered dinosaurs, but odd customers are evergreen, as these requests to bookstore clerks prove.
"Can you tell me who the author of Shakespeare is?"
"I’m looking for a book, but I only know the title, not the author. It’s called Dante’s Inferno."
"I definitely don’t want nonfiction. I like autobiographies and history."
"Do you have Shakespeare in English?"
"Can you tell me who the author of Shakespeare is?"
"I’m looking for a book, but I only know the title, not the author. It’s called Dante’s Inferno."
"I definitely don’t want nonfiction. I like autobiographies and history."
"Do you have Shakespeare in English?"
In some quarters, bookstores may be considered dinosaurs, but odd customers are evergreen, as these requests to bookstore clerks prove. "Can you tell me who the author of Shakespeare is?"...
Customer Service
If the customer is always right, then why isn’t everything free?
If the customer is always right, then why isn’t everything free?
Special Pie
I was looking at the pies offered by a nearby café. They had cherry, apple, berry, peach, and Herman’s.
"What type of pie is Herman’s?" I asked the waiter.
"Apple," he said.
"Then why is it called Herman’s pie?"
"Because Herman called in to reserve it."
"What type of pie is Herman’s?" I asked the waiter.
"Apple," he said.
"Then why is it called Herman’s pie?"
"Because Herman called in to reserve it."
I was looking at the pies offered by a nearby café. They had cherry, apple, berry, peach, and Herman’s. "What type of pie is Herman’s?" I asked the waiter. "Apple,"...
Time for a New Job
Scene: A phone conversation between a client and me—an art director.
Me: Hi. I was wondering if you received the invoice I sent?
Client: Yes, I received it, but I am not going to pay you yet.
Me: Why not? Was something wrong?
Client: No, I don’t need to use your design yet, so I will pay you when I use it.
Me: Well, I still need to get paid now. If a plumber fixes your toilet, you don’t tell him you will pay him as soon as you need to go to the bathroom, do you?
Client: That’s disgusting! My bathroom habits are none of your business, and as soon as I use what you sent me, you will get paid!
Me: Hi. I was wondering if you received the invoice I sent?
Client: Yes, I received it, but I am not going to pay you yet.
Me: Why not? Was something wrong?
Client: No, I don’t need to use your design yet, so I will pay you when I use it.
Me: Well, I still need to get paid now. If a plumber fixes your toilet, you don’t tell him you will pay him as soon as you need to go to the bathroom, do you?
Client: That’s disgusting! My bathroom habits are none of your business, and as soon as I use what you sent me, you will get paid!
Scene: A phone conversation between a client and me—an art director. Me: Hi. I was wondering if you received the invoice I sent? Client: Yes, I received it, but I...
Menu Options
A customer pulled up to my drive-through window at the fast-food restaurant where I work and requested something from the lunch menu.
"I’m sorry, but it’s 10:15," I told her. "We’re only serving breakfast now."
After thinking it over, she asked, "Do you have anything on your breakfast menu that tastes like lunch?"
"I’m sorry, but it’s 10:15," I told her. "We’re only serving breakfast now."
After thinking it over, she asked, "Do you have anything on your breakfast menu that tastes like lunch?"
A customer pulled up to my drive-through window at the fast-food restaurant where I work and requested something from the lunch menu. "I’m sorry, but it’s 10:15," I told her....
Christmas Shopping
A customer walked into our store looking for Christmas lights. I showed her our top brand, but—wanting to make sure each bulb worked—she asked me to take them out of the box and plug them in. I did, and each one lit up.
"Great," she said.
I carefully placed the string of lights back in the box. But as I handed them to her, she looked alarmed.
"I don't want this box," she said abruptly. "It's been opened."
"Great," she said.
I carefully placed the string of lights back in the box. But as I handed them to her, she looked alarmed.
"I don't want this box," she said abruptly. "It's been opened."
A customer walked into our store looking for Christmas lights. I showed her our top brand, but—wanting to make sure each bulb worked—she asked me to take them out of...
Overseas Help
Days after we invaded Marja, Afghanistan, one of my Marines found out his wife hadn't paid the cell phone bill. He called the company and asked how he could settle up.
"You can go to Western Union and place a money order," the billing agent told him.
"Ma'am, I'm in Marja, Afghanistan," he explained. "We don't have Western Unions."
"No problem. You can also go to Walmart."
"You can go to Western Union and place a money order," the billing agent told him.
"Ma'am, I'm in Marja, Afghanistan," he explained. "We don't have Western Unions."
"No problem. You can also go to Walmart."
Days after we invaded Marja, Afghanistan, one of my Marines found out his wife hadn’t paid the cell phone bill. He called the company and asked how he could settle...
The Odd Complaint
One woman raved about the rides at our water park, but she did have a valid complaint: "The water in the wave pool tastes horrible!"
One woman raved about the rides at our water park, but she did have a valid complaint: "The water in the wave pool tastes horrible!"
In Canadian
Scene: A gas station in Canada
Customer: Excuse me. Why won't my debit card work on the pump?
Owner: Are you using an American card?
Customer: Yes.
Owner: American cards don't work at the pump.
Customer: You should put up a sign.
Owner: We did, above the card slot.
Customer: Oh. Well, I don't read Canadian.
Customer: Excuse me. Why won't my debit card work on the pump?
Owner: Are you using an American card?
Customer: Yes.
Owner: American cards don't work at the pump.
Customer: You should put up a sign.
Owner: We did, above the card slot.
Customer: Oh. Well, I don't read Canadian.
Scene: A gas station in Canada Customer: Excuse me. Why won’t my debit card work on the pump? Owner: Are you using an American card? Customer: Yes. Owner: American cards...
Quiet Starbucks
It's so quiet in the Hollywood Starbucks this morning, you can hear a name drop.
It's so quiet in the Hollywood Starbucks this morning, you can hear a name drop.
Pizza Delivery
I was delivering pizzas when I fell hard onto the sidewalk. Seeing me sprawled on the ground, my concerned customer yelled, "Oh, no! The pizzas!"
I was delivering pizzas when I fell hard onto the sidewalk. Seeing me sprawled on the ground, my concerned customer yelled, "Oh, no! The pizzas!"
Doing Business
As a salesperson, I do a lot of business over the phone. One man who called to place an order had a nice voice, so when he asked if I wanted his number, I took the opportunity to offer mine as well.
"Um," he stammered, "I was talking about my purchase-order number."
"Um," he stammered, "I was talking about my purchase-order number."
As a salesperson, I do a lot of business over the phone. One man who called to place an order had a nice voice, so when he asked if I...
TMI
The waitress was refilling cups of coffee when she stopped at the table next to ours. "Regular?" she asked her customer.
"Yes, thank you," said the man. "Due to a steady diet of fruit."
"Yes, thank you," said the man. "Due to a steady diet of fruit."
The waitress was refilling cups of coffee when she stopped at the table next to ours. "Regular?" she asked her customer. "Yes, thank you," said the man. "Due to a...
Tales From the Bookstore
A woman stopped by our customer-service desk and asked me for a copy of the book that has Jesus in it. After much back-and-forth, I determined that she wanted the Bible.
After searching for a particular book on dinosaurs in the science section without luck, a customer looked to me for help. She showed me a piece of paper with the title written on it: Thesaurus.
After searching for a particular book on dinosaurs in the science section without luck, a customer looked to me for help. She showed me a piece of paper with the title written on it: Thesaurus.
A woman stopped by our customer-service desk and asked me for a copy of the book that has Jesus in it. After much back-and-forth, I determined that she wanted the...
The Right Tie
While we were working at a men's clothing store, a customer asked my coworker to help her pick out a tie that would make her husband's blue eyes stand out.
"Ma'am," he explained, "any tie will make blue eyes stand out if you tie it tight enough.
"Ma'am," he explained, "any tie will make blue eyes stand out if you tie it tight enough.
While we were working at a men’s clothing store, a customer asked my coworker to help her pick out a tie that would make her husband’s blue eyes stand out....
Weight Loss Hotline
Thank you for calling the Weight Loss Hotline. If you'd like to lose a half pound right now, press "1" 18,000 times.
Thank you for calling the Weight Loss Hotline. If you'd like to lose a half pound right now, press "1" 18,000 times.
Buying a Puppy
A woman at my friend's pet shop pointed to a Labrador puppy. "I want that one," she said. "But I don't want the floor model."
A woman at my friend's pet shop pointed to a Labrador puppy. "I want that one," she said. "But I don't want the floor model."
Other Options
A shoe store customer liked a pair of Reeboks but wasn't completely satisfied. So she stopped an associate and asked, "Does this come in a Nike?"
A shoe store customer liked a pair of Reeboks but wasn't completely satisfied. So she stopped an associate and asked, "Does this come in a Nike?"
Offering Help
A patient at the dental office where I work stopped by my desk to pay her bill. She began rummaging through her purse, as so many patients do when they have a check to write. "Do you need a pen?" I asked, offering her mine.
"Yes, thank you," she replied. She took it, put it in her handbag, and proceeded to pay in cash.
"Yes, thank you," she replied. She took it, put it in her handbag, and proceeded to pay in cash.
A patient at the dental office where I work stopped by my desk to pay her bill. She began rummaging through her purse, as so many patients do when they...
The City of Brotherly Lies
Tour guides get bored spewing the same facts everyday. So these Philadelphia guides rewrote history.
"Trees were planted along streets so illiterate people would know the names of the streets. So Pine Street was lined with pines, etc."
"The reason the kitchens were in the basement is because the long, flowing dresses of women would catch fire and they could run directly into the streets, instead of through the house, spreading fire."
"The Lincoln statue in Fairmont Park shows him signing the Declaration of Independence."
"Trees were planted along streets so illiterate people would know the names of the streets. So Pine Street was lined with pines, etc."
"The reason the kitchens were in the basement is because the long, flowing dresses of women would catch fire and they could run directly into the streets, instead of through the house, spreading fire."
"The Lincoln statue in Fairmont Park shows him signing the Declaration of Independence."
Tour guides get bored spewing the same facts everyday. So these Philadelphia guides rewrote history. "Trees were planted along streets so illiterate people would know the names of the streets....
Exit Interview
After giving birth, I quit my job. The exit questionnaire asked, "What steps would have prevented you from leaving?" My answer: "Birth control."
After giving birth, I quit my job. The exit questionnaire asked, "What steps would have prevented you from leaving?" My answer: "Birth control."
Wrong Direction
I answer a lot of questions at the information desk at Olympic National Park, in Washington State. But one visitor stumped me: "Do you have any trails that just go downhill?"
I answer a lot of questions at the information desk at Olympic National Park, in Washington State. But one visitor stumped me: "Do you have any trails that just go...
Table Talk
A customer called our rental store to ask about rectangular tables. I told him we had six-foot and eight-foot tables. His response: "What's the difference?"
A customer called our rental store to ask about rectangular tables. I told him we had six-foot and eight-foot tables. His response: "What's the difference?"
Full of It
Our coworker Patrick shared his worst workday ever. He was at an appliance store and the delivery truck had broken down, which meant he was flooded with angry phone calls from customers. One irate caller canceled the delivery and told Patrick what he could do with it.
"I'm sorry," said Patrick. "That's impossible. I already have a stove, a vacuum cleaner, and a microwave up there."
"I'm sorry," said Patrick. "That's impossible. I already have a stove, a vacuum cleaner, and a microwave up there."
Our coworker Patrick shared his worst workday ever. He was at an appliance store and the delivery truck had broken down, which meant he was flooded with angry phone calls...
Fishing
After browsing the restaurant menu, I had a question for the waitress. "About the salmon entrée, is that a steak or a fillet?"
"Neither," she said. "It's a fish."
"Neither," she said. "It's a fish."
After browsing the restaurant menu, I had a question for the waitress. "About the salmon entrée, is that a steak or a fillet?" "Neither," she said. "It’s a fish."
Blindsided
Two friends run into each other while walking their dogs. One suggests lunch. The other says, "They won't let us in a restaurant with pets."
Undeterred, the first guy and his German shepherd head into the restaurant. The maître d' stops them, saying, "Sir, you can't bring your dog in here."
"But I'm blind," the man replies, "and this is my guide dog."
The maître d', apologizing profusely, shows both man and dog to a table.
His friend waits five minutes, then tries the same routine. "You have a Chihuahua for a guide dog?" the skeptical maître d' says.
"A Chihuahua?" the man says. "Is that what they gave me?"
Undeterred, the first guy and his German shepherd head into the restaurant. The maître d' stops them, saying, "Sir, you can't bring your dog in here."
"But I'm blind," the man replies, "and this is my guide dog."
The maître d', apologizing profusely, shows both man and dog to a table.
His friend waits five minutes, then tries the same routine. "You have a Chihuahua for a guide dog?" the skeptical maître d' says.
"A Chihuahua?" the man says. "Is that what they gave me?"
Two friends run into each other while walking their dogs. One suggests lunch. The other says, "They won’t let us in a restaurant with pets." Undeterred, the first guy and...
Safe Haven
Safe Haven Small Animal Hospital
24 Hour Veterinary Service
Bill Mosley, DVM
200 E. Norway
936-4798
Hunters Welcome!
Safe Haven Small Animal Hospital
24 Hour Veterinary Service
Bill Mosley, DVM
200 E. Norway
936-4798
Hunters Welcome!
Apples and Pineapples
After a number of attempts to get the customer service agent on the phone to understand his name, my Asian American friend Appappa decided to spell it out.
"A for apple," he began. "P for pineapple, p for pineapple, a for apple, p for pineapple, p for—"
The flustered agent interrupted. "I have a better idea," she said. "Just tell me how many apples and how many pineapples."
"A for apple," he began. "P for pineapple, p for pineapple, a for apple, p for pineapple, p for—"
The flustered agent interrupted. "I have a better idea," she said. "Just tell me how many apples and how many pineapples."
After a number of attempts to get the customer service agent on the phone to understand his name, my Asian American friend Appappa decided to spell it out. "A for...
Cleaning Up
Standing in line at a restaurant, I noticed that the few available tables left had not been cleaned off. I mentioned this to the cashier, who told the manager. A minute later, an annoyed-looking teen emerged from the back with spray bottle and paper towels in hand.
"All right," she bellowed clear across the crowded dining room, "which one of you people wanted a clean table?"
"All right," she bellowed clear across the crowded dining room, "which one of you people wanted a clean table?"
Standing in line at a restaurant, I noticed that the few available tables left had not been cleaned off. I mentioned this to the cashier, who told the manager. A...
Self Serve
My husband, who uses a wheelchair, showed up at his eye doctor's for an appointment. The receptionist checked the schedule, then said, "The nurse will call you in a moment. Have a seat."
He smiled. "Done."
He smiled. "Done."
My husband, who uses a wheelchair, showed up at his eye doctor’s for an appointment. The receptionist checked the schedule, then said, "The nurse will call you in a moment....
Good References
A teller at our credit union was assisting a member with a loan application. "Do you have references?" she asked. The member replied, "Do they have to be living?"
A teller at our credit union was assisting a member with a loan application. "Do you have references?" she asked. The member replied, "Do they have to be living?"
4 Silly Tour Guide Questions
Think it's easy being a tour guide? VisitBritain, a travel bureau, has compiled these tourist questions.
"Is Wales closed during the winter?"
"Why did they build Windsor Castle on the flight path of Heathrow?"
"Who feeds the Loch Ness monster?"
"Are there any Sheena Easton museums in Glasgow?"
"Is Wales closed during the winter?"
"Why did they build Windsor Castle on the flight path of Heathrow?"
"Who feeds the Loch Ness monster?"
"Are there any Sheena Easton museums in Glasgow?"
Think it’s easy being a tour guide? VisitBritain, a travel bureau, has compiled these tourist questions. "Is Wales closed during the winter?" "Why did they build Windsor Castle on the...
Point of Service
At the clothing store where I work, I make it a point of pride to give customers my unvarnished opinion. One day, when a man emerged from the fitting room, I took one look at him and shook my head. "No, no," I said. "Those jeans look terrible on you. I'll go get you another pair."
As I walked away, I heard him mumble, "I was trying on the shirt."
As I walked away, I heard him mumble, "I was trying on the shirt."
At the clothing store where I work, I make it a point of pride to give customers my unvarnished opinion. One day, when a man emerged from the fitting room,...
Helpful Suggestion
It was a busy lunch hour, made longer by one of my customers who couldn't make up his mind about what to order. After loudly polling everyone at his table, he asked me, "What do you think I should have?"
Before I could answer, an irritated man at the next table offered a suggestion: "How about a picnic?"
Before I could answer, an irritated man at the next table offered a suggestion: "How about a picnic?"
It was a busy lunch hour, made longer by one of my customers who couldn’t make up his mind about what to order. After loudly polling everyone at his table,...
A Unique Home
I took a real estate client to a handyman special. The place was great, and we couldn't understand why it was so cheap, until we turned on the water main and water gushed from the ceiling. Dripping wet, my client put a positive spin on the showing: "Nice house," he said. "It's even self-cleaning."
I took a real estate client to a handyman special. The place was great, and we couldn’t understand why it was so cheap, until we turned on the water main...
Comic Conductor
Halfway between New York City and Washington, D.C., the train's engine fell silent.
"I've got good news and bad news," the conductor announced. "The bad news is we lost power." My fellow passengers groaned.
"The good news," he added, "is we weren't cruising at 30,000 feet."
Halfway between New York City and Washington, D.C., the train’s engine fell silent. “I’ve got good news and bad news,” the conductor announced. “The bad news is we lost power.”...
Numb Mouth
Fresh from a visit to the dentist, I decided to stop at my bank. Barely able to enunciate, I told the teller, "I'm sorry about not speaking more clearly. I've had Novocaine."
"You should have used the drive-through," she said.
"Why?"
"Everyone who goes through sounds like that," she explained.
Fresh from a visit to the dentist, I decided to stop at my bank. Barely able to enunciate, I told the teller, “I’m sorry about not speaking more clearly. I’ve...
Following the Instructions
I provide technical support for the computer software published by my company. One day, over the phone, I was helping a customer install a product on a Macintosh. The procedure required him to delete an old file. On the Mac there is an icon of a trash can that is used to collect items to be permanently deleted.
I told the customer to click on the old file and drag it to the trash. Then I had him perform a few other steps. As a reminder, I said, "Don't forget to empty the trash.
Obediently he replied, "Yes, dear."
I told the customer to click on the old file and drag it to the trash. Then I had him perform a few other steps. As a reminder, I said, "Don't forget to empty the trash.
Obediently he replied, "Yes, dear."
I provide technical support for the computer software published by my company. One day, over the phone, I was helping a customer install a product on a Macintosh. The procedure...
Achy Back
An aching back sent me stumbling to the drugstore for relief. After a search I found what I was looking for: a selection of heating pads specifically for people with back pain—all on the bottom shelf.
An aching back sent me stumbling to the drugstore for relief. After a search I found what I was looking for: a selection of heating pads specifically for people with...
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Job Title
My new credit card arrived in the mail with a large sticker on it, giving the phone number to activate the card. I called the number and got one option: 'Press One' to activate the credit card. That led me to a live person, who answered with her first name and the title "Credit Card Activator."
As I got ready to give her the necessary information, she interrupted me, asking, "How can I help you?"
As I got ready to give her the necessary information, she interrupted me, asking, "How can I help you?"
My new credit card arrived in the mail with a large sticker on it, giving the phone number to activate the card. I called the number and got one option:...
Painting the Car
Hal's handyman wasn't the swiftest guy on earth. But he was cheap, and so was Hal, which is why he hired the guy to paint his porch for $50. "You tightwad," scolded Hal's wife. "Our porch covers half of the house! He'll be there for days." Hal simply smirked.
An hour later, there was a knock at the door. The handyman had finished. "How did you get done so quickly?" Hal asked.
"It was a piece of cake," the handyman replied. "Oh, and it's a Ferrari, not a Porsche."
Hal’s handyman wasn’t the swiftest guy on earth. But he was cheap, and so was Hal, which is why he hired the guy to paint his porch for $50. “You...
Security Questions
It was the standard series of check-in questions that every traveler gets at the airlines counter, including, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?"
"If it was put there without my knowledge," I asked, "how would I know?"
The agent behind the counter smiled smugly. "That's why we ask."
"If it was put there without my knowledge," I asked, "how would I know?"
The agent behind the counter smiled smugly. "That's why we ask."
It was the standard series of check-in questions that every traveler gets at the airlines counter, including, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" "If it was...
The Right Language
Calling for information about one of my credit cards, I got the following recorded prompt: "Please enter your account number as it appears on your card or statement."
I did as instructed, and the system said, "Please enter your five-digit ZIP code."
After I put that in, I got a third message: "If you would like your information in English, press one."
I did as instructed, and the system said, "Please enter your five-digit ZIP code."
After I put that in, I got a third message: "If you would like your information in English, press one."
Calling for information about one of my credit cards, I got the following recorded prompt: "Please enter your account number as it appears on your card or statement." I did...
A Long Wait
Heard on my cable company's answering machine:
"We realize you are still holding. Please do not hang up, as this will further delay your call." xml
"We realize you are still holding. Please do not hang up, as this will further delay your call." xml
Heard on my cable company's answering machine:
"We realize you are still holding. Please do not hang up, as this will further delay your call." xml
"We realize you are still holding. Please do not hang up, as this will further delay your call." xml
Advertising in the Wrong Places
My father is a skilled CPA who is not great at self-promotion. So when an advertising salesman offered to put my father's business placard in the shopping carts of a supermarket, my dad jumped at the chance. Fully a year went by before we got a call that could be traced to those placards. "Richard Larson, CPA?" the caller asked.
"That's right," my father answered. "May I help you?"
"Yes," the voice said. "One of your shopping carts is in my yard and I want you to come and get it."
My father is a skilled CPA who is not great at self-promotion. So when an advertising salesman offered to put my father’s business placard in the shopping carts of a...
Old McDonald
While waiting in line at the Department of Vehicle Services for my new license plate, I heard the clerk shout out, "E I E I O." "Here," the woman standing next to me answered.
Curious, I asked if she was married to a farmer, or maybe taught preschool.
"Neither," she replied. "My name is McDonald."
While waiting in line at the Department of Vehicle Services for my new license plate, I heard the clerk shout out, “E I E I O.” “Here,” the woman standing...
Sounding it Out
A man called the phone company to complain about his listing in the directory. "I told you that my last name is Sweady," he said, "but you have it listed as Cyirwu."
"I'm sorry, sir," the phone company rep said. "I'll fix it so it'll be correct the next time we publish the directory. Now how do you spell your name?"
"Just like I told you before," the customer said. "It's S as in sea, W as in why, E as in eye, A as in are, D as in double-u and Y as in you."
"I'm sorry, sir," the phone company rep said. "I'll fix it so it'll be correct the next time we publish the directory. Now how do you spell your name?"
"Just like I told you before," the customer said. "It's S as in sea, W as in why, E as in eye, A as in are, D as in double-u and Y as in you."
A man called the phone company to complain about his listing in the directory. "I told you that my last name is Sweady," he said, "but you have it listed...
Surprising Phone Call
Working as a telemarketer for MCI Communications, I made a call to a Minnesota home one evening. When a boy around eight answered the phone, I identified myself, told him I was calling for MCI and asked to speak to his parents.
As he put the phone down, I heard him yell, "Dad! Dad! The FBI wants to talk to you!"
As soon as the father answered the phone in a quivering voice, I said, "Sir, this is not the FBI; this is MCI Communications."
After a long pause, the man said, "This is the first time I am actually glad to hear from you guys."
Working as a telemarketer for MCI Communications, I made a call to a Minnesota home one evening. When a boy around eight answered the phone, I identified myself, told him...
Understanding the Terminology
Sitting in the first row of coach class during a lengthy flight, my wife and I were able to hear a flight attendant as he pushed a wine cart down the aisle in the first-class section. "Would you care for chardonnay or burgundy?" he asked the high-paying passengers.
A few minutes later the attendant opened the curtain between the two sections, offered wine to one final first-class patron, then wheeled the same cart forward to our aisle. "Excuse me," he said, looking down at us, "would you care for a glass of wine? We have white and red."
Sitting in the first row of coach class during a lengthy flight, my wife and I were able to hear a flight attendant as he pushed a wine cart down...
Wrong Announcement
I work at a department store where every night at closing time one of our customer-service representatives reminds shoppers over the public-address system to finish their shopping. One evening, a woman who had recently worked at a Kmart opened the announcement by saying, "Attention Kmart shoppers…"
Quickly realizing her mistake, she tap-danced her way out of trouble by adding, "You are in the wrong store."
Quickly realizing her mistake, she tap-danced her way out of trouble by adding, "You are in the wrong store."
I work at a department store where every night at closing time one of our customer-service representatives reminds shoppers over the public-address system to finish their shopping. One evening, a...
Afternoon Loving
When our air conditioner broke down, we called for a serviceman to come and take a look at it. It turned out to be a high school classmate of my husband's named Love. He said next time we needed any repairs to ask for him. The next year when we needed service again, we requested Mr. Love. I took the day off from work and waited for him to arrive.
After he had worked on our air conditioner, he left his work order behind. It had my name and said: "Wants Love in afternoon."
When our air conditioner broke down, we called for a serviceman to come and take a look at it. It turned out to be a high school classmate of my...
Slow and Steady
There were only two people in line ahead of me at the electronics store, yet the wait was dragging on forever. Finally the customer behind me muttered, "Mr. Hare must be on vacation."
Only then did I notice the name tag on the man at the register. It read: "Mr. Turtle, sales associate."
There were only two people in line ahead of me at the electronics store, yet the wait was dragging on forever. Finally the customer behind me muttered, “Mr. Hare must...
Weighting Around
A colleague was planning a trip to my business office and asked if I could find him a hotel with exercise facilities. I called several hotels, with no luck.
Finally I thought I had found one. I asked the receptionist if the hotel had a weight room.
"No," she replied, "but we have a lobby and you can wait there."
Finally I thought I had found one. I asked the receptionist if the hotel had a weight room.
"No," she replied, "but we have a lobby and you can wait there."
A colleague was planning a trip to my business office and asked if I could find him a hotel with exercise facilities. I called several hotels, with no luck. Finally...
Airplane Confusion
My flight was delayed in Houston. Since the gate was needed for another flight, our aircraft was backed away from the terminal, and we were directed to a new gate. We all found the new gate, only to discover a third gate had been designated for our plane.
Finally, everyone got on board the right plane, and the flight attendant announced: "We apologize for the gate change. This flight is going to Washington, D.C. If your destination is not Washington, D.C., you should deplane at this time."
A moment later a red-faced pilot emerged from the cockpit, carrying his bags. "Sorry," he said, "wrong plane."
My flight was delayed in Houston. Since the gate was needed for another flight, our aircraft was backed away from the terminal, and we were directed to a new gate....
Denied
My wife received a credit-card application in the mail that she had not requested. She didn't want it, but I did. So I crossed off my wife's name on the form, entered my own and returned the application. I soon got a phone call from a woman saying my application had been rejected.
I asked her why, and she told me the card could only be issued to the person originally solicited by the offer. However, she invited me to reapply, which I did during the same telephone call.
A few days later I got another call to tell me my second application had been rejected.
Why? The woman told me their files showed that I had previously applied for a card and had been denied.
I asked her why, and she told me the card could only be issued to the person originally solicited by the offer. However, she invited me to reapply, which I did during the same telephone call.
A few days later I got another call to tell me my second application had been rejected.
Why? The woman told me their files showed that I had previously applied for a card and had been denied.
My wife received a credit-card application in the mail that she had not requested. She didn’t want it, but I did. So I crossed off my wife’s name on the...
Losing Things
I sold an item through eBay but it got lost in the mail. So I stopped by my local post office and asked them to track it down.
"It's not that simple," the clerk scolded. "You have to fill out a mail-loss form before we can initiate a search."
"Okay," I said. "I'll take one."
He rummaged under his counter, then went to some other clerks who did the same—only to return and confess, "You'll have to come back later. We can't find the forms."
"It's not that simple," the clerk scolded. "You have to fill out a mail-loss form before we can initiate a search."
"Okay," I said. "I'll take one."
He rummaged under his counter, then went to some other clerks who did the same—only to return and confess, "You'll have to come back later. We can't find the forms."
I sold an item through eBay but it got lost in the mail. So I stopped by my local post office and asked them to track it down. "It’s not...
Missing Number
While away on business, a colleague and I decided to catch a movie. As we approached the theater, we read the marquee. It bore the name of the feature film followed by the numbers '7,' '5,' and '9.' Assuming these were the show times, we were somewhat perplexed by their order.
I went inside to ask about it. "Our next show is at eight o’clock," the woman in the box office announced.
"Eight o’clock?" I said, surprised. "But the marquee says seven, five and nine."
"Right," she agreed. "That’s 7:59. We lost our number eight."
While away on business, a colleague and I decided to catch a movie. As we approached the theater, we read the marquee. It bore the name of the feature film...
Rolling Around
My husband, who is an auto mechanic, received a repair order that read: "Check for clunking noise when going around corners." Taking the car out for a test drive, he made a right turn, and a moment later heard a clunk. He then made a left turn and again heard a clunk. Back at the shop, he opened the trunk and soon discovered the problem.
Promptly he returned the repair order to the service manager with this notation: "Remove bowling ball from trunk."
My husband, who is an auto mechanic, received a repair order that read: “Check for clunking noise when going around corners.” Taking the car out for a test drive, he...
Smelly Situation
I called my local utility for help with a minor malfunction in my outdoor gas grill. Their automated phone system put me on hold for over 20 minutes.
As I waited, I was grateful my problem wasn't worse—especially when I heard a pre-recorded message repeatedly advise, "If you smell gas, stay on the line."
As I waited, I was grateful my problem wasn't worse—especially when I heard a pre-recorded message repeatedly advise, "If you smell gas, stay on the line."
I called my local utility for help with a minor malfunction in my outdoor gas grill. Their automated phone system put me on hold for over 20 minutes. As I...
Temperature Issues
One afternoon, while touring the Canyonlands of southern Utah, my husband and I pulled into the only hotel in a small town. While signing the register, we asked the young woman behind the desk if our room was air-conditioned.
When she shook her head no, we hesitated, wondering if we should push on to the next town. Sensing our doubt, she brightened as she came up with a solution. "Just turn on the heater," she suggested. "Our customers tell us all that comes out is cold air anyway."
When she shook her head no, we hesitated, wondering if we should push on to the next town. Sensing our doubt, she brightened as she came up with a solution. "Just turn on the heater," she suggested. "Our customers tell us all that comes out is cold air anyway."
One afternoon, while touring the Canyonlands of southern Utah, my husband and I pulled into the only hotel in a small town. While signing the register, we asked the young...
Disloyal Customer
The aquarium shop where I work has been in business for more than 20 years. One Sunday a customer called wanting to buy a larger aquarium. "And by the way, I've spent a lot of money at your store over the years," he said. "I think I should get a discount."
"Only our owner can give a discount," I explained, "and he won't be in until tomorrow."
When the customer said that he'd come in the next day, I asked him if there was anything else I could help him with.
"Sure," he said. "Where is your store located?"
The aquarium shop where I work has been in business for more than 20 years. One Sunday a customer called wanting to buy a larger aquarium. "And by the way,...
Muscially Challenged
The generation gap proved glaringly obvious at the mail-order music company where my wife works as a customer service representative. Some college students, who were working part-time inputting customer information, wrote the following notes regarding some golden oldies: "Customer is looking for two song titles: 'Shovel Off Two Buffaloes' and 'Honey, Suck a Rose.' "
The generation gap proved glaringly obvious at the mail-order music company where my wife works as a customer service representative. Some college students, who were working part-time inputting customer information,...
Not Very Helpful
During a shopping trip to a department store, I was looking around for a salesperson so I could pay for my purchase. Finally I ran into a woman wearing the store's ID tag. "Excuse me," I said. "I'm trying to locate a cashier."
"I can't help you," she briskly replied, barely slowing down. "I work in customer service." And she walked away.
"I can't help you," she briskly replied, barely slowing down. "I work in customer service." And she walked away.
During a shopping trip to a department store, I was looking around for a salesperson so I could pay for my purchase. Finally I ran into a woman wearing the...
One Stinky Promise
On the back of a septic-service company truck:
"Satisfaction guaranteed, or your merchandise cheerfully refunded."
On the back of a septic-service company truck:
"Satisfaction guaranteed, or your merchandise cheerfully refunded."
Personal Problems
After being on the phone forever with a customer who had been having difficulties with a computer program, a support technician at my mother's company turned in his report: "The problem resides between the keyboard and the chair."
After being on the phone forever with a customer who had been having difficulties with a computer program, a support technician at my mother’s company turned in his report: "The...
Small Print, Big Problems
During the mortgage closing on our summer house, my wife and I were asked to sign documents containing small print. When I asked if I should read it, my attorney replied, "Legally, you should. But here's the bottom line: If you pay your installments on time, there is nothing in there that could harm you. Should you stop paying, however, there is definitely nothing in the small print that can save you."
During the mortgage closing on our summer house, my wife and I were asked to sign documents containing small print. When I asked if I should read it, my attorney...