Cat Jokes

Meow! Our bad cat jokes bring out the purr in everyone.

Our collection of funny cat jokes and cat jokes for kids will make any grumpy cat laugh. Also take a look at our cat puns and animal jokes for another laugh.

Posture Cat

Q: What did the grandma cat say to her grandson when she saw him slouching? A: You need to pay more attention to my pawsture.

Another bad cat joke

Q: Wanna hear a bad cat joke? A: Just kitten!

We’re Not Kitten

Q. What does a cat have that no other animal has? A. Kittens.

Cat and Mouse

Q: What did the cat say when the mouse got away? A: You've got to be kitten me!

Jungle Poker

Q: Why don't cats play poker in the jungle? A: There are too many cheetahs.

Sad Job

Q: Why did the can crusher quit his job? A: Because it was soda pressing.

Don’t Go Anywhere, Mouse

Q: Why was the cat sitting on the computer? A: To keep an eye on the mouse!

Fashionista Kitty

Q: Why did the cat wear a dress? A: She was feline fine.

Too Poor

Q: What did the cat say when he lost all his money? A: I'm paw!

Let’s go shopping!

Q: Why don't cats like online shopping? A: They prefer a cat-alogue.

Mount Meow

Q: What do you call a pile of kittens? A: A meowntain

Ouch

For a man to truly understand rejection… he must first be ignored by a cat.

Hide and seek

Why is it so hard for a leopard to hide? Because he’s always spotted.

Play that song!

What is a cat’s favorite song? Three Blind Mice.

Brrr!

What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo? An eskimew!

Rise and Shine!

What do cats like to eat for breakfast? Mice Krispies.

Guilty!

What do you call the cat that was caught by the police? The purrpatrator.

Poker Face

Why don’t cats play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.

Bad Weather

Q: What’s worse than raining cats and dogs? A: Hailing taxis

Relationship Problems

I had to get rid of my husband. He was allergic to my cat.

Bad Kitty

Q: What’s the worst kind of cat? A: A cat-astrophe

Ridin’ Furry

Q: What do you call a cat in a station wagon? A: A car-pet

Most Important Meal

Q: What do cats eat for breakfast? A: Mice Krispies

Word Nerd

Q: What’s the difference between a cat and a comma? A: One has claws at the end of its paws, while the other is a pause at the end of...

Purrrfect Strike

Q: What do you call at cat that goes bowling? A: An alley cat

Bad Sport

Q: Why was the cat disqualified from the game? A: It was a cheetah.

Scaredy Cat

Q: Why did the cat run away from the tree? A: It was scared of its bark.

Pain in the Tail

Q: What would a cat say if you stepped on its tail? A: “Me-OW!”

Extra Purrr-estrial

Q: What did the alien say to the cat? A: “Take me to your litter.”

Mew’s hues

Q: What is a cat’s favorite color? A: Purrrple

Shopaholic

Q: Why don’t kittens like shopping online? A: They prefer looking at a cat-alogue.

Something sweet

Q: What’s a cat’s favorite dessert? A: A mice cream cone

Catfight!

Q: How do cats get over a fight? A: They hiss and make up.

When a Black Hole Crosses Your Path

Nature abhors a vacuum, but not as much as a cat does. anonymous

Reid Faylor on Halloween

I dressed my dog up as a cat for Halloween. Now he won't come when I call him. —Reid Faylor

Game Respect Game

My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me 
everything you know.” @NicCageMatch

LOLHumans.com

I bet cats have 
a secret website where they 
upload clips of cute humans 
trying to open DVD packaging 
and jump-start 
cars. @rolldiggity  

When Cats Go James Bond

The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. In 
the ’60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a...

Cats Are Smarter

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. —Jeff Valdez

How to Shock a Time Traveler

If someone from the 1950s suddenly appeared, what would be the most difficult thing to explain about life today? One answer: “I possess a device in my pocket that is...

Cat Appetites

They make cat food out of cow, fish, turkey, chicken & lamb meat—but not mouse meat, which is probably all cats want. @JohnFugelsang

What Cats Want

Me and the wife

Going to the Dogs

When our client’s dog lapped up anti-freeze, the veterinarian I work for ordered a unique treatment: an IV drip mixing fluids with vodka. “Go buy the cheapest bottle you can...

Funny Pet Names

Does kitty dream of slinking down the catwalk? If so, give her a name that screams “I’m a star!” Like these actual pet names … Cats Cleocatra Bing Clawsby Chairman...

The Clothes Make The Cat

I dressed my dog up as a cat for Halloween. Now he won't come when I call him. —Comedian Reid Faylor (@reidfaylor )

Feline Friendly

A woman walked into my aunt’s animal shelter wanting to have her cat and six kittens spayed and neutered. “Is the mother friendly?” my aunt asked. “Very,” said the woman,...

Cat Shopping

Living in a household with eight indoor cats requires buying large amounts of kitty litter, which I usually get in 25-pound bags—100 pounds at a time. When I was going...

Hungry Cat

One night while I was cat-sitting my daughter’s indoor feline, it escaped outside. When it failed to return the following morning, I found the beast clinging to a branch about...

Magic Cat

I worked at a boarding kennel where people leave their dogs and cats while on vacation. One morning I had taken a cat out of his cage, and after playing...

Regular Feeding

When my daughter and I caught only one perch on our fishing trip—not enough for even a modest lunch—we decided to feed it to her two cats. She put our...

Talking Bird

My father’s secretary was visibly distraught one morning when she arrived at the office and explained that her children’s parrot had escaped from his cage and flown out an open...

Fashion Forward

A client recently brought her two cats to my husband’s veterinary clinic for their annual checkup. One was a small-framed, round tiger-striped tabby, while the other was a long, sleek...