Valentine’s Day Jokes

Fall head over heels with these Valentine’s Day jokes.

Cupid called, he wants his arrow back. Instead, capture someone’s heart with our Valentine’s Day jokes for kids and adults alike. Make your special someone feel extra special with our marriage jokes and love jokes.

A Love of Biblical Proportions

Q. Did Adam and Eve ever have a date? A. No, they had an apple!

Sparks Are Flying

Q. What did the flame say to his buddies after he fell in love? A. "I found the perfect match!"

Caught the Love Bug

Did you hear about the bed bugs who fell in love? They're getting married in the spring!

Love Stinks

Q. Why do skunks love Valentine's Day? A. Because they're scent-imental creatures!

Sweets for the Sweet

Q. Why shouldn't you fall in love with a pastry chef? A. He'll dessert you.

Small Packages

Q: What do you call a very small valentine? A: A valen-tiny!  

I’ll Call You

Q. How did the phone propose to his girlfriend on Valentine's Day? A. He gave her a ring.

Animal Attraction

Q. What did the girl cat say to the boy cat on Valentine’s Day?

A. You’re purrr-fect for me.

Meat You There

Q. Where do all the hamburgers take their girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?

A. To a meatball.

I Really Do

Knock Knock.

Who’s there?

Olive.

Olive who?

Olive you!

Made Just for You

Q. What Valentine’s Day candy is best to give a girl?

A. Her-She Kisses.

He’s Got a Fast Car

Man: “Honey, on this Valentine’s Day, I want to tell you something… I’m not rich like Jack. I don’t have a mansion like Russell. I don’t have a Porsche like...

Wine Goggles

Me: "I love you." You: "Is that you or the wine talking?" Me: "It's me talking to the wine."

Dreaming of Gifts

One morning Emma woke up with a start.  Her husband Jim asked what was the matter, she told him, “I just had a dream that you gave me a pearl...

Lots of Letters

Mike walked into a post office just before Valentine’s day, he couldn’t help noticing a middle-aged, balding man standing in a corner sticking “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with...

Gardener in Love

Q:  What happened when the man fell in love with his garden? A: It made him wed his plants! 

Lights Out to Leave

“You came home early from your date,” John observed to his roommate. “What happened?” “Well,” said the flatmate, “after dinner she invited me up to her flat. We had a...

Valentine’s Day Genie

AN OLDER WOMAN runs into her friend at the mall. “You’re not going to believe this,” she said. “I found an old lamp the other day. I rubbed it and...

Woman Like Man

Nymphomaniac (nim(p)-fə-ˈmā-nē-yak)

n. A women as obsessed with sex as the average man.

Love Winnings

Q: Why does Cupid always make so much money at the casino? A: Because he’s a Valentine’s Card Shark.

Cute Angles

If you were a triangle you'd be acute one.

My Better Half

Q: What did the toast say to the butter on Valentine's Day? A: You're my butter half!

A Good Looking Muffin

Q: What did one muffin say to the other on Valentine's Day? A: You're my stud-muffin!

One in a Million

Q: What did one watermelon say to the other on Valentine's Day? A: You're one in a melon!

Beating Hearts

Q: What did one beet say to the other on Valentine's Day? A: You make my heart beet faster!

Single Savings

I just saved a bunch of money on Valentine's Day by switching to single.

Mushroom Love

Q: What did one mushroom say to the other on Valentine's Day? A: "There's so mushroom in my heart for you!"

Coffee Lover’s Dream

What's the perfect thing to say to a coffee-lover on Valentine's Day? "Words cannot espresso what you mean to me."

Cannoli Gift

I gave my girlfriend a cannoli for Valentine's Day. When she asked why, I said, "I cannoli be happy when I'm with you."

Expensive Date

What's the difference between a $20 steak and a $55 steak? February 14th.

Valentine’s Day Laugh

Do you have a date for Valentine's day? Yes, February 14th.

Man Overboard

Q. What is the difference between a girl who is sick of her boyfriend and a sailor who falls into the ocean? A. One is bored over a man the...

Loving Lettuce

Q. Why is lettuce the most loving vegetable? A. Because it's all heart.

Thankful Friends

Knock Knock Who's there? Frank Frank who? Frank you for being my friend!

Emma Loves Candy

Knock Knock Who's there? Emma Emma who? Emma hoping I get lots of cards on Valentine’s Day!

Valentine’s Day is Here

Knock Knock Who's there? Atlas Atlas who? Atlas, it's Valentine’s Day!

Pooch Who?

Knock Knock Who's there? Pooch Pooch who? Pooch your arms around me!

Olive Lovers

Knock Knock Who's there? Olive Olive who? Olive you!

Hop Hop Love

Q: What did the rabbit say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? A: Somebunny loves you!

Love as Big as a Whale

Q: What did the whale say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? A: Whale you be mine!

Beary Much Love

Q: What did the boy bear say to the girl bear on Valentine’s Day? A: I love you beary much!

Buzz Buzz

Q: What did the boy bee say to the girl bee on Valentine’s Day? A: You are bee-utiful!

Sheepishly In Love

Q: What did the boy sheep say to the girl sheep on Valentine’s Day? A: You’re not so baaaa-d!

Frankenstein’s in Love

Q: What did Frankenstein say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? A: Be my Valenstein!

Ghostly Love

Q: What did the ghost say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? A: Be my Valenslime!

Dating Bats

Q: What did the bat say to his girlfriend? A: You're fun to hang around with.

Owl Love

Q: What did the boy owl say to the girl owl on Valentine's Day? A: Owl be yours!

Pencil and Paper

Q: What did the pencil say to the paper? A: I dot my i's on you!

Pointy Love

Q: Did you hear about the nearsighted porcupine? A: He fell in love with a pin cushion!

Flower Mistake

Q: What kind of flowers do you never give on Valentine's Day? A: Cauliflowers!

Sweet Chocolate

Q: What did the chocolate syrup say to the ice cream? A: "I'm sweet on you!"

Runaway Bride

Q: If your aunt ran off to get married, what would you call her? A: Antelope.

Singing Ram

Q: What is a ram's favorite song on February 14th? A: I only have eyes for ewe, dear.

Slithering Romance

Q: What did one snake say to the other snake? A: Give me a little hug and a hiss, honey.

Lots of Hands to Hold

Q: What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus? A: Can I hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand?

Kitty Love

Q. What did the boy cat say to the girl cat on Valentine's Day? A. You're purrr-fect for me!

Tweety Hearts

Q. What did the boy bird say to the girl bird on Valentine's Day? A. Let me call you Tweet heart!

You Light Me Up

Q: What did the light bulb say to the switch? A: You turn me on.

Tiny Love

Q: What do you call a very small Valentine? A: A Valentiny!

A Ton of Love

Q: What did the elephant say to his girlfriend? A: I love you a ton!

Magnetic Attraction

Q: What did the paper clip say to the magnet? A: I find you very attractive.

Valentine’s Day Dreams

Q: Why did the boy put candy under his pillow? A: Because he wanted sweet dreams.

Buttered Up

Q: What happens when you fall in love with a french chef? A: You get buttered up.

Fruit Date

Q: Why did the banana go out with the prune? A: Because it couldn't get a date.

Volcano Romance

Q: What did one volcano say to the other? A: I lava you.

Cupid’s TV Show

Q: What’s Cupid’s favorite superhero TV show? A: Arrow.

Romantic Fork

Q: What’s the most romantic part of a fork? A: Its Valen-tines.

Chocolate Sale

Q: What's the best part about Valentines Day? A: The day after when all the chocolate goes on sale.

Valentine Surprise

Knock Knock Who's there? Luke Luke who? Luke who got a Valentine!

Knock Knock Love

Knock Knock Who's there? Sherwood Sherwood who? Sherwood like to be your Valentine!

Vegetable Love

Q: Why is lettuce the most loving vegetable? A: Because it’s got heart.

Angels Get Married

Q: What happened when the two angels got married? A: They lived harpily ever after.

Party Hard

Q: Why is Valentine’s Day a great day for a party? A: Because you can party hearty.