A college girl was visiting my farm and noticed the ring in our bull’s nose. Intrigued, she asked, “Did you put that ring in his nose or was he born…
Why do cows never have any money?
Because the farmers milk them dry!
A snail named Samuel just got a raise working as a realtor. He decided since he got this money he will get a custom sports car with a big “S”…
Get more jokes, puns and riddles
- Animal Jokes
- Animal Puns
- Bad Puns
- Bar Jokes
- Birthday Jokes
- Cat Jokes
- Cat Puns
- Christmas Jokes
- Coffee Jokes
- Computer Jokes
- Corny Jokes
- Customer Service Jokes
- Cute Puns
- Dad Jokes
- Daily Life Jokes
- Diet Jokes
- Doctor Jokes
- Dog Jokes
- Dog Puns
- Dumb and Funny Jokes
- Easter Jokes
- Family Jokes
- Food Jokes
- Food Puns
- Funny Headlines
- Funny Quotes
- Funny Stories
- Halloween Jokes for Kids
- Holiday Jokes
- Kids’ Jokes
- Knock-Knock Jokes
- Lawyer Jokes
- Love Jokes
- Marriage Jokes
- Math Jokes
- Math Puns
- Military Jokes
- Mom Jokes
- Money Jokes
- Music Puns
- Office Jokes
- Old Age Jokes
- Political Jokes
- Relationship Jokes
- Religious Jokes
- Santa Jokes
- School Jokes
- Science Jokes
- Skeleton Puns
- Sports Jokes
- Text Jokes
- Thanksgiving Jokes
- Travel Jokes
- Turkey Jokes
- Valentine’s Day Jokes
- Weather Jokes
- Weight Loss Jokes
A rancher was persuaded to cross-breed his cattle with hyenas. It was a disaster. The offspring were the laughing stock of the community!
Q: What do you call an alligator wearing a vest?
A: An Investigator!
Q: What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
Q. What do you get when you cross a snake with a tasty dessert?
A. A pie-thon!
Q: What do you get when two giraffes collide?
A: A giraffic jam
Q: What happened when the frog’s car broke down on the side of the road?
A: It gets toad away.
Q: What’s the smartest animal?
A: A fish because they stay in schools!
Q: Why did the whale cross the street?
A: To get to the other tide.
My email password has been hacked. That’s the third time I’ve had to rename the cat.
Q: How much money does a skunk have?
A: One scent!
Q. What do you get when you cross a centipede with a parrot?
A. A walkie-talkie!
Q. What do you get when you cross a fish with an elephant?
A. Swimming trunks!
Q: What type of market should you NEVER take your dog?
A: A flea market!
Q: Which dog breed is guaranteed to laugh at all of your jokes?
A: A Chi-ha-ha!
Q: What kind of math do owls like?
Q: Why did the kangaroo stop drinking coffee?
A: She got too jumpy!
Q: Why did the baby elephant need a new suitcase for her vacation?
A: She only had a little trunk.
Hippo 1: You look like you’re gaining weight.
Hippo 2: That’s very hippo-critical of you.
Q: Where are fish in orbit?
A: In trout-er space
Q: Why didn’t the elephant get the job he wanted?
A: His qualifications were completely irrelephant.
1. Q: If you have 15 cows and 5 goats what would you have?
A: Plenty of milk!
Q: How long do chickens work?
A: Around the cluck!
Q: Why do birds fly south in the Fall?
A: Because it’s too far to walk.
Q. Why are fish so good at watching their weight?
A. Because they have lots of scales!
Q. What did the leopard say after finishing a delicious meal?
A. “That hit the spot!”
Q. Why shouldn’t you play basketball with a pig?
A. Because it’ll hog the ball!
Q. What’s the first thing you should do if a bull charges you?
A. Pay him!
Q. Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
A. The prawn broker.
Q. What does a dolphin say when he’s confused?
A. Can you please be more Pacific?
Q. Why is a bee’s hair always sticky?
A. Because it uses a honey comb!
You would think that taking off a snail’s shell would make it move faster, but it actually just makes it more sluggish.
Q: What is black, white, and red all over?
A: A sunburnt penguin!
Q: Why do cows go to New York?
A: To see the moosicals!
Q: Where did the sheep go on vacation?
A: The baaaahamas
Q: Where do orcas hear music?
My boyfriend told me to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
Q. What did the girl cat say to the boy cat on Valentine’s Day?
A. You’re purrr-fect for me.
Q. What did the sleepy Australian bear say at the job interview?
A. “I believe I am koala-fied for this position.”
A dog walks into a butcher shop and the butcher asks, “What do you want?” The dog points to steak in a glass case. “How many pounds?” The dog barks…
A man boards a plane and is seated next to an Air Marshall and his ‘sniffing dog’. Soon, the plane takes off and the Marshall says, “Sniffer, search.” The dog…
Two guys were out walking their dogs on a hot day, when they pass by a pub. The first guy says, “Let’s go in there for a pint.” Second guy,…
A priest, a rabbi, and a minister decide to see who’s best at his job. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it….
A poodle and a collie are walking down the street when the poodle suddenly unloads on his friend. “My life is a mess,” he says. “My owner is mean, my…
A guy spots a sign outside a house that reads, “Talking Dog for Sale.” Intrigued, he walks in. “So, what have you done with your life?” he asks the…
An extensive government study has revealed that the leading cause of cancer in laboratory rats is scientists.
Pollen and allergies got the best of Liam, my 9-year-old son, so he stayed home from school with his grandma. When I got home from work, he said he had…
Several years ago we headed to a nearby town to visit some relatives. I had a new car and was having fun driving fast on the twisty country roads. As…
When my daughter, Brooxie, was 5 years old, she’d stay with my husband’s parents while we were at work. One day Brooxie was helping Papaw gather eggs. While putting the…
During a summer ranch tour we were hosting for an elder hostel, our van passed a pasture with a windmill and a herd of cattle around a stock tank. A…
“Um.” —First horse that got ridden
A few months ago, Hamas “arrested” a dolphin for being an Israeli spy. Readers of Reason magazine came up with titles for the film this action might inspire: • Orcapussy…
A woman called our airline customer-service desk asking if she could take her dog on board. “Sure,” I said, “as long as you provide your own kennel.” I further explained…
Yeah, I’d probably freak out too if a raven flew into my house. That poem still holds up.
@SeanWhiteComedy (Sean Gilbert White)
A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog’s IQ. Here’s how it works: If you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is…
We’ve begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we bought a dog. It’s cheaper, and you get more feet.
Just realized a pregnant dog is a dog full of puppies. That’s the best.
“We’re eating dinner soon. Don’t fill up on homework.” —Dog mom
Alex Baze (@bazecraze)
Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It’s hardly ever for them.
Nature abhors a vacuum, but not as much as a cat does.
After a talking sheepdog gets all the sheep in the pen, he reports back to the farmer: “All 40 accounted for.” “But I only have 36 sheep,” says the farmer….
I dressed my dog up as a cat for Halloween. Now he won’t come when I call him.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.
My girlfriend told me to take a spider out instead of killing it. We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a lawyer.
@FattMernandez (Matt Fernandez)
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
Wandering inside a pet store, I stopped in front of a birdcage to admire a parakeet. We watched each other for a few minutes before it asked, “Can’t you talk?”…
What should you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
I’m a dog trainer. Before I met with a new client, I had her fill out a questionnaire. One question asked, “Why did you choose this breed?” My client responded,…
Q: Why did the chicken go to the séance?
A: To get to the other side.
A zookeeper is ordering new animals. As he fills out the forms, he types “two mongeese.” That doesn’t look right, so he tries “two mongoose,” then “two mongooses.” Giving up,…
When a zoo’s gorilla dies, the zookeeper hires an actor to don a costume and act like an ape until the zoo can get another one. In the cage, the…