Did you hear how they caught the great produce bandit? He stopped to take a leek.
My neighbor texted me, “I just made synonym buns!”
I texted back, “You mean like grammar use to make?”
I haven’t heard from her since.
Q: Who’s a dessert’s favorite actor?
A: Robert Brownie, Jr.
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Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar wiener.
Q. What’s the difference between a shamrock and a bread knife that gets used a lot?
A. The shamrock is a four-leaf clover, and the knife is a four-loaf cleaver.
Q. What did the hot dog say when his friend passed him in the race?
A. Wow, I relish the fact that you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup to me.
Q. How do you keep intruders out of a castle made of cheese?
Q. Which type of vegetable tries to be cool, but is only partly successful at it?
A. The radish.
I can’t stand potato puns. I think they’re pomme de terrible.
Q. What do you call a fake noodle?
A. An impasta.
Q: Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? A: Because they cantaloupe.
What does a grape say when it gets stepped on? Nothing, it just lets out a little wine.
Did you hear about the Italian chef with a terminal illness? He pastaway.
Boy, I just got hit in the head with a can of soda. I was lucky it was a soft drink.
Q: What do you get when you play Tug-of-War with a pig? A: Pulled-Pork.
I went to a seafood restaurant and slipped. I pulled a mussel.
It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.
Q: What do you call the king of vegetables? A: Elvis Parsley.
You know what’s hard to beat for breakfast? A boiled egg.
Spending a lot of time at the coffee bar can cause a latte problems.
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
A guy just threw a glass of milk at me. How dairy!
I was going to grow an herb garden, but I couldn’t find the thyme.
The majority of Americans find bananas a peeling.
The price of candy at the movie theater is ridiculous. They’re always raisinet!
Every morning I think I’m going to make pancakes, but I keep waffling.
I love when candy canes are in mint condition.
Becoming a vegetarian was a huge missed steak.