Unable to Drink
A snake slithers into a bar and the bartender says, “Sorry, buddy. I can’t serve you.” “Why not?” the snake asks. “Because you can’t hold your liquor.”
A guy spots a sign outside a house that reads, “Talking Dog for Sale.” Intrigued, he walks in.
“So, what have you done with your life?” he asks the dog.
“I’ve led a very full life,” says the dog. “I lived in the Alps rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served my country in Iraq. And now, I spend my days reading at a retirement home.”
The guy is flabbergasted, he turns to the owner and asks, “Why on earth would you want to get rid of a dog like that?”
The owner says, “Because he’s a liar! He never did any of that.”