Religious Jokes
Get a great laugh with these religious jokes.
Today’s sermon: finding belly laughs in holy places. Read up on our religious jokes, Christian Jokes and more that will have you laughing in church.
Heal Him So He Can Do It Himself
Too Much Praise
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Not Talking to You
How Can I Help You?
Early or Second Service
Adam’s Shorts
Signed a Fool
Gift Cards for Jesus
Too Early for Service
In the foyer of a church, a young boy was looking at a plaque with the names of men and women who had died in various wars. He asked the pastor, "Who are these people?" The pastor said, "Those are members from our church who died in the service." The boy asked, "The early service or the second service?"
Water to Wine
Matzah Braille
A blind guy goes to the Passover Seder and someone passes him a piece of matzah. He runs his fingers over it and loudly exclaims, "Who wrote this garbage!?!?"
A blind guy goes to the Passover Seder and someone passes him a piece of matzah. He runs his fingers over it and loudly exclaims, "Who wrote this garbage!?!?"
Laughing in Heaven
Q. How can you make God laugh?
A. Tell him your plans.
Q. How can you make God laugh?
A. Tell him your plans.
Flood of Requests
Circus Comes to Church
A Priest, A Minister, A Rabbi And A Bear
Sign In New-Agey Woodstock, New York:
Dolphin Spy Thrillers
And The Lord Separated His Paper From His Plastics…
Chemistry In The Soup Kitchen
Father Time
Q: What Do You Call an Amish Guy…
Blessed Are The Red-Necked
Let Us Cuss
Un-intelligent Design
Hot-Crossed Pastors
Matthew Wohlfarth on Exercise
Zen Koans for the Internet Age
Never Talk About Religion at Work
Ten Commandments by Popular Websites
Eve's Online Dating Profile
G-d Hates B.S.
The End Is Nigh-er Than You Thought
King Soloman Jr.
Strain in The Mass
Doctor, Doctor
The One About The Fishermen and The Angel
A Grizzly Conversion
How Does Moses Make Tea?
Barefoot Gandhi
This Weather is Hell
Budget Cuts
The Dyslexic Devil Worshiper
A Tibetan Phone Call
A Bird Named Moses
One Wish
A Sign From Above
Church Bulletin
One Sunday morning, I heard snickering from the pews. Quickly grabbing the bulletin, I found the cause. The sermon title for that day was: "What Makes God Sick: Pastor Joe Smith."
Happy Confession
"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned,” he says. "I’ve spent the week with seven beautiful women.”
"Do not fret, my son,” says the priest. "All you need to do is take seven lemons, squeeze the juice into a glass, and drink the juice.”
"Will that cleanse my sin from me?”
"No, but it’ll wipe that stupid smile off your face.”
Flip the Switch
Exciting Palindromes
I was expecting the answer "Madam, I'm Adam," but one student had a better reply:
"Wow."
House Call
My Service
Confession
"Confession is where you tell all the bad things you've done to the priest," I told him. He looked relieved. "Good. I haven't done anything bad to the priest."
Symbolic
Praying for Hearing
"I need you to pray for my hearing," he tells the preacher.
The preacher puts his fingers on Sam's ears and prays and prays. When he's done, he asks, "How's your hearing now?"
"I don't know," says Sam. "I don't go to court till next Tuesday."
Easy to Forgive
Sermon Time
Commandments
Not Breaking
Denomination
"What denomination?" asks the clerk.
The woman says, "Six Orthodox, 12 Conservative, and 32 Reform."
"What denomination?" asks the clerk.
The woman says, "Six Orthodox, 12 Conservative, and 32 Reform."
Adam and Eve
Life on an Island
"What's that building over there?" one of the rescuers asked.
Louie sneered. "That's the church I used to belong to."
The Good News
"Okay," I said, "from this Scripture, what do we learn is important in marriage?"
A student blurted out, "Cleavage."
He Works in Mysterious Ways
Good Eulogy
Respite
"Everyone goes to church here," he added. "It's the only place we don't get yelled at."
Bible Bafflement
A Tough Sell
"Don't count on it," said a voice in the back. "We're nuns."
Preacher on a Horse
God is Watching
When I went to a Christian school, I walked into the cafeteria and there on the table was a plate of fruit. Next to it was a sign that said "Take one. God is watching."
Next to the fruit was a plate of cookies, which had a sign next to it, written by a fellow student, that said "Take as many as you want. God is watching the fruit."
Necessary Objects
Clearly giving it a lot of thought, my six-year-old observed, "Mom, a Wise Woman would have brought diapers."
Not Listening
When the service was over, I went to greet people at the front door. Three adults apologized for going to sleep in church, promising it would never happen again.