Kids’ Jokes

Newest Jokes

Tooth or Consequences

After cleaning my five-year-old patient’s teeth, I accompanied him to the reception area, only to see him struggle with the oak door.

“It’s heavy, isn’t it?” I asked.

“Yes,” he said. “Is that so children can’t escape?”

Jennifer Sloetjes, Fort McMurray, Canada

New Generation

I was visiting a friend who could not find her cordless phone. After several minutes of searching, her young daughter said, “You know what they should invent? A phone that stays connected to its base so it never gets lost.”

The Cop and the Superhero

A concerned police officer approaches a boy who is crying in front of a newsstand. “What’s wrong?” the cop asks.

“Superman isn’t out yet!” says the boy.

“I’ll handle it,” the cop assures him. “Hey, Superman!” he shouts. “Come on out! We won’t hurt you!”

—Source: Funny in Croatia Survey

Good Genes?

The topic for my third-grade class was genetics. Smiling broadly, I pointed to my dimples and asked, “What trait do you think I passed on to my children?”
One student called out, “Wrinkles!”

In the Band

Sam’s eighth birthday, my brother took him to a football game. During halftime, a Marine band played, and Sam studied them intently.

“Why the interest in the band?” his father asked.

“I’m checking to see if Ben and Matt from our synagogue are in it. They’re Marines.”

“But they’re in Afghanistan.”

“If I were in a marching band, I’d say I was in Afghanistan too.”

Mature Fun

As I was treating my daughter and her family to the buffet at a casino, all the bells and whistles for a winning slot machine began to go off. My seven-year-old grandson was awed.

“Wow!” yelled Casey. “This is like Chuck E. Cheese for old people.”

The Test

When my eight-year-old asked how I knew I was pregnant, I told her I had taken a pregnancy test. “Oh,” she said. “What questions were on the test?”

Hoping for the Best

My second graders were assigned the task of writing thank-you cards to soldiers serving in the Middle East. One of them wrote, "Thank you for protecting us! I hope we win!"

Sign of the Times

At a baby shower, everyone was asked to complete nursery rhymes. My 11-year-old daughter Taylor contributed this: "Jack Sprat could eat no fat.

His wife could eat no carbs."

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