I think it's pretty cool how
the Chinese made a language entirely out of tattoos.
Submitted by Adam Joshua Smargon, Newark, Delaware
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There’s no “I” in denial.
Santa seems insulted that I put down that protective paper before sitting on his lap.
I’d like to have a kid, but I’m not sure I’m ready to spend ten years of my life constantly asking someone where his shoes are.
There was a man who entered a pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
Algebra teacher: “What is seven Q plus three Q?”
Student: “Ten Q.”
Teacher: “You’re welcome.”
Did you hear the one about the claustrophobic astronaut? He needed some space.—Contributed by James Brink
I’d rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.—Fred Allen
“There must be a mistake: you’ve accidentally given me the food my food eats.” —Ron Swanson, when given a plate of vegetables
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