I had to clean out my spice rack and found everything was too old and had to be thrown out. – What a waste of thyme.
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Q: Why did the apricot ask a prune to dinner?
A: Because he couldn’t find a date.
Why do bicycles fall over?
Because they are two-tired.
RIP boiling water. You will be mist.
Q. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A. A nervous wreck.
I went to a seafood disco last week…and pulled a mussel.
My ten-month-old was sitting in her high chair, twisting and moving all over the place. My wife said to me, “Straighten her up.”
I looked at my daughter and said, “What are you doing with your life? Do you want to be this way forever… Read More
None of my grandsons share my corny sense of humor. When the family is eating lasagna, I say, “Lean over your plate, boys. You’ll get
less-on-ya.” I say to the ten-year-old, “Don’t yell through the screen; you’ll strain your … Read More
I was out in the garden with my stepladder today. Not my real ladder. No, I don’t get along with my real ladder.