Definition of Calories: Tiny creatures colonizing your closet. They sew your clothes a little bit tighter every night.
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Why spend $80 on a swimsuit when you can buy 320 chicken nuggets.
A great way to lose weight is to eat while you are naked and standing in front of a mirror. Restaurants will always throw you out before you can eat too much.
My fitness goal is to get down to what I told the DMV I weigh.
Never go back for seconds… get it all the first time.
Every time I start a diet I hear the Mission Impossible theme song in my head.
Wouldn’t it be so great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 minutes and come out wrinkle free and three sizes smaller?
Did you hear about the vegan devil worshipper? He sold his soul to seitan!
Q: What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea?
A: A salad shooter.