Definition of Calories: Tiny creatures colonizing your closet. They sew your clothes a little bit tighter every night.
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Did you hear about the vegan devil worshipper? He sold his soul to seitan!
The only difference in my life when I’m on a diet is instead of saying “I ate nachos,” I say “I accidentally ate nachos.”
The toughest part of a diet isn’t watching what you eat. It’s watching what other people eat.
The only difference in my life when I’m on a diet is instead of saying, “I ate nachos,” I say, “I accidentally ate nachos.”—@behindyourback
I have fillings in my teeth. My refrigerator magnets keep pulling me to the kitchen. That’s why I can’t lose weight.
Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out.
Nutrition question: How many Skittles equal one serving of fruit?
Did you hear about the hungry clock? He went back four seconds.