I hide photos on my computer of me petting animals at the zoo in
a file named Fireworks and vacuums so my dog won’t find them.
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Hold, Brothers, Hold … CHARGE!!! (Ice at the bottom of my cup)
Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.
A synonym is a word you use when you can’t spell the first word you thought of.
#GeekPickupLines: My name’s
Microsoft … can I crash at your place tonight?
@tillinghast (Mark Dryzcimski)
#RobotPickupLines: “You had me
#ThatAwkwardMoment… Read More
Correct punctuation: the difference between a sentence that’s well-written and a sentence that’s, well, written.
If growing up in the ’80s taught me one thing, it’s that my friends and I should have found a treasure map by now.
What do you get from a pampered cow?…Spoiled milk.
Bifocals are God’s way of saying, “Keep your chin up.”
Comedian Matt Wohlfarth